Eight Little Reviews

 What's up to everyone on the good old internet! You know me as TheCinemaChick and once again, I have been slacking. I do apologize for my long absence once again, but I have successfully moved locations and have had a very anxious mutt on my hands. I am now the proud momma to a four legged boy named Hamilton Osbourne. I like to call him Sir Ham of Oz but mostly, he goes by Hammy. My brother and his family are moving out of the country so I offered to take in this sweet little guy who also happens to be about as smart as a hammer. He's silly, he takes up most of the bed and he's shedding like mad but I love him dearly.

So...how've you been? How's your summer going so far?

Since I have been seeing movies, it's time for something I don't like doing, mini reviews. I'm still in the process of getting unpacked and sorted, so I just don't have time to write full ones right now. However, I promise to write one next week after Fry and I see the new Transformers movie. I know, I know, the last one was just awful but come on...Optimus Prime on a T-Rex? How cool is that? And it doesn't have Shia LeBeouf in it, which for me is another perk.

On with the list of reviews!!

1. Pompeii
   I didn't review this one because honestly, it was that bad. The plot was terrible, the acting was worse and as hot as Kit Harrington is, he just isn't ready for a leading role yet. The supporting cast didn't seem to even care about being there and the special effects lacked creativity. It was one of the worst love stories I have ever seen.

2. Muppet's Most Wanted
   Another one I didn't bother touching because I was so disappointed in it. The first movie was wonderful and I couldn't find any faults in it. This one was boring. Overly complicated for a Muppets movie and the special cameos weren't all that special. I couldn't get into the story and the only things I really liked were Josh Groban's tiny part as the criminal so dangerous he had to stay in solitary confinement the entire film only to be seen once at the very end and Tom Hiddleston as the Great Escapo...which lasted maybe thirty seconds. Everything else was just underwhelming.

3. Oculus
   Where do I even begin with this one? It was confusing and never once bothered to give us a background. Sure, we know one person was in a mental hospital and the mirror has a demon in it (I think) but that's it. It's just two siblings in a house with a mirror that messes with their minds. It switches between past and present which just gets annoying in the end and Karen Gillan...you are a very sweet woman but you couldn't hold an American accent. That Scottish voice slipped out a few times. I was totally bored. Don't even bother with it.

4. Godzilla
   Finally, a movie I didn't hate. While it probably won't be the best movie this summer, I found it highly enjoyable. The monster fights were memorable, the plot was strong and oh yeah, it has Godzilla being all badass! I have to admit, for me, the best part was the use of the score throughout. The music helped set the mood perfectly and matched what was going on onscreen. Cheers to the person who did music and scoring, you should have an award for that.
5. Maleficent
   Guys, please don't hate me, but this was another film I hated. Visually, it was great. Angelina Jolie was the best choice to play the title character but the story was so bad that I can't support it. I mean, the whole reason Maleficent hates everyone is because a man broke her heart? Why is Disney on this sudden “men are terrible and will hurt you” kick? Hans from Frozen turned out to be a villain and in this one, King Stephan is the bad guy. There is also a very obvious rape metaphor in the form of Maleficent losing her wings. This is a Disney movie. Someone point out to me the last time something this dark came up in a film intended for kids...from Disney! Watching Maleficent become a good character who ends up loving Aurora and wanting to take care of her...that's so far off from the Sleeping Beauty film! I wanted to enjoy this one even more but the only things I cared for were the visuals, the costuming and Angelina Jolie's character, when she was being villainous. Other than that...I could have gone without this one. It just didn't do it for me.

6. A Million Ways to Die in the West
   It's a Seth McFarlane comedy. It's stupid, it's vulgar and it's crass. The plot crumbles about halfway through in favor of gross out comedy.
   Not going to lie, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Despite how terrible it was, it was worth it for Neil Patrick Harris. I would see it again.

7. 22 Jump Street
   I did not see the first one but I was never lost with this film. They do a great job of doing a parody within a sequel, which helps with the comedy. Overall, it's just a little too moody for my likes with Jenko and Schmidt have a bromantic breakup. I have to admit, I don't like Jonah Hill or Channing Tatum but together, they are a great duo. When they work together, it's like magic. Apart, the story lacks momentum and becomes almost unbearably slow but when they are together, it's fantastic. They have some great dialogue, the action scenes were great and I like how they acknowledged that this is a spoof. They joke about a possible 23 Jump Street then make fun of themselves in the credits with fake ads for things like 34 Jump Street and 59 Jump Street. They don't take themselves too seriously, which is refreshing. Channing Tatum sometimes reminded me of a hyperactive child but I was ok with that. He made the movie funny and I might be able to watch more of his movies in the future. Just not anything involving “Magic Mike” ever again.

There you go folks, eight little reviews to tide you over for now. I still have “Only Lovers Left Alive”, a vampire romantic drama and “In Your Eyes”, a small film from Joss Whedon that you can watch on Vimeo. Both are on my top movies of the year list, so I want to give them a full review. What are you seeing this summer? What movie can't come fast enough for you? Have you had enough super heroes and fairy tales? Let me know! Tell me what you think and maybe I will go see a movie of your choice. Maybe it's on my list already. Who knows?

I'm TheCinemaChick and I think I will paint my nails today. I'm thinking purple...