Nine Mini Reviews!

 Hey guys, how's it going? I'm TheCinemaChick and I know, I know...I've been rather silent lately. I've got stuff going on, like a huge breakup that caught me off guard and a business math class which I actually enjoy. I know, what a shock. Me enjoying a math class. Well, I want to learn more about business and investments. As far as the breakup...that one took a toll on me. I really liked this guy and he comes at me with “I don't think I love you and I've been lying about it for a while.” Really? I'd rather you break my heart and get it over with than be lied to! Ugh. Men.

Enough about my depressing romantic life, I have so much to tell you guys. First, I'm going to do a brief summary of all the films I've seen since my last review, just because I feel the need to get my opinion out there. Ok, so this one may be a little on the long side, but you know you enjoy my lovely little reviews...otherwise, you wouldn't be here...well, I suppose it's a pity view...

So, since I am about nine reviews behind, let's do something I have never done before. Let's do a bunch of mini reviews since I really don't want to write nine full length ones. Besides, I have other things I need to get to. So, let's get started shall we?

1. Mud
   Didn't hear about this one? Not many people paid attention to it, which is sad. It's a Southern coming of age story with a romance worked in. Two boys find a convict living on a small island thing and he asks for their help. They rebuild a boat that's in a tree while trying to help Mud reunite with his lady love. The boys learn a lot and Mud finds out his lady is a tramp. After a bloody shoot out, Mud vanishes with a friend.
   This one felt long and it was a bit confusing for me, but overall, it was amazing. Matthew McConaughey stars as the titular character and honestly, he needs to be nominated for a Golden Globe for that. Without saying much, he conveys intense, passionate emotions. The story gets a little depressing but its more than worth it. Check this one out.
2. The Purge
   We've all seen this one. Family in lockdown, creepy people outside, terror ensues. Only, it's not like that at all. In the “new America” there is one night a year everyone is allowed to do whatever they want, without getting in trouble, in order to weed out the weak. This is called “The Purge” (obviously). It's supposed to show that people are greedy and selfish, I guess, but that one mistake can kill everyone...no...I'm not sure what the moral is with this one, if there is one at all.
   Typical horror movie. It's boring, it's predictable and so cliched. After a while, I stopped caring about the family and was wanting the murderous people outside to get them. However, the absolutely best performance was the Smiling Leader. He is delightfully creepy. And there's nothing off about him, he is just threatening this family while being incredibly patient and polite. And the big twist is that the neighbors want to kill the family, but that's painfully obvious from the beginning. Skip this one. It's a typical, bland horror movie that fails.
3. Now You See Me
   Ah yes, the movie about magicians who end up being bank robbers. This was hyped so much and ended up being so mediocre. Every trick they do is explained, so that kills the mystery of it all. And after all this time stealing money and giving it away, it turns out that they were doing it in order to get into some secret society. So it was sort of a tease, then does something so random it doesn't entirely make sense. I will admit, the twist was rather unexpected. That's about the only thing I liked. I don't care for Jesse Eisenberg, Isla Fiser, or Dave Franco. They're decent actors and all, I just think they have all have some major faults that I can't seem to overlook.
   The twist ending is not worth the price of admission. It's a half witted mystery, action, cop movie that ends with the cop getting the girl. I can't tell you the entire ending because you know me. I don't like spoilers.
4. This Is The End
   What can I say about this one? It's an apocalyptic stoner buddy comic movie. I cannot think of any other way to describe this one. James Franco, Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill, Jay Baruchel, Danny McBride and Craig Anderson are all trapped in Franco's house as the world ends around them. That's the entire plot. If I go into much more detail, I'll give away massive spoilers.
   This movie had me laughing almost nonstop. From Emma Watson robbing them to Channing Tatum inside joke I now have, it's just hilarious. I didn't think I'd like it this much but it is one of the best movies I have seen this year. You will never look at him the same way again. And of course, if you've noticed from the trailers, a song by the Backstreet Boys is played. Yeah, that is explained in the movie. It's crude, it's trashy, its raunchy and there is an overabundance of drug use, but it it hilarious. As a warning...male nudity. If you've seen it, you know what I mean by that. If you haven't...be prepared for it.
5. Despicable Me 2
   In all honesty, this one's predictable, childish and ends just how you think it will. There aren't any real surprises in it. However, it's cute. The minions are back and just as adorable as before. The girls are still there, though in a severely reduced way. It's pretty much the same with Dr. Nefario. However, the interactions between Gru and Lucy are good. You know they are going to fall in love and get married almost immediately, but its ok.
   If you're looking for something the whole family can enjoy, then this one is for you. It's got some adult humor, but its got a lot to offer the children. There's also a guard chicken and the guacamole hat of shame. A definite must see.
6. The Lone Ranger
   Another Disney dud. In all honesty, I did enjoyed it, however, I hated the way they told the story. I'm normally ok with the older person telling a tale to the kids, but this one detracted from the film. It had moments where it was great but it also dragged a lot to the point where I was bored. And many critics have been harsh on Johnny Depp as Tonto, saying its basically Jack Sparrow in another package. Sadly, that is true. Tonto is just a toned down Jack Sparrow.
   Don't skip this one because it is genuinely entertaining but overall, I think Disney needs to rethink a few things. Like, oh, I don't know, something more original and possibly not with Johnny Depp in it?
7. Pacific Rim
   I hated this one. I was bored, fell asleep for a little while and overall, failed to see the big deal about it. It's giant robots fighting monsters in, where else, Japan. The problem I had with this movie is that they told you everything in the first ten minutes. You knew the problem, how they planned to solve it and how they were keeping the world safe. There was no mystery to it. Why stretch this out into what felt like three hours if you're just going to tell us the entire plot right off the bat? And the actors...where did you find them? They all sucked! No one seemed capable of showing emotion, so they were all very stiff and wooden. I found it hard to care about anyone, even the ones who deserved sympathy.
   I can see why people liked it but its just not a movie for me. I saw it as Power Rangers on steroids. Boring, bland, uneventful. Though Ron Perlman made me laugh. He was the one upside to this.
8. All That Echoes: A Josh Groban Experience
   It was Josh Groban in concert with some footage of him making the album. Turns out they'll be showing it on PBS next month.
   I liked it, but I love his music.
9. The Conjuring
   I consider myself a horror movie snob. I know all the cliches and I usually find them horribly predictable. It's like, if this happens, then you know this will be the consequence. So its like, what's the point? It'll follow the formula and I'll know the ending in about five minutes.
   Well...this one did it differently.
   Yes, “The Conjuring” follows all those rules, but they managed to do it in a way I did not expect. Like, a girl was standing in front of a door, so I thought the door would be knocked down and she'd be in trouble. Nope. Instead, it was in a different room, where an old woman sat combing a doll's hair. What made this all so freaky was that doll. Seriously, if you've seen Annabelle, you know what I'm talking about. That doll is terrifying. This is one of the rare films where I was actually scared. They did little things that I didn't see coming which made it really unnerving. I'm referring to the the scene where the mom gets possessed. Yeah, again, if you've seen it, you know.
   This is one worth seeing, even if you are a horror movie snob like me.

Well, there we go! 9 films in one review! Up next, The Wolverine and why the post credit scene made me go all fangirl!

Until then, I'm TheCinemaChick and for all you know, I don't actually exist.

Better Late Than Never: Man of Steel

 Hey everyone, you can call me TheCinemaChick and oh my goodness am I royally behind in my reviews. I've got five I need to work on, including “Despicable Me 2” and “The Lone Ranger”. So, lets start with the oldest and work our way to the newest. So, on my movie list, I see that “Man of Steel” is the first one I need to touch on. Oh yes, I have a lot to discuss with that one.

I'm not a huge Superman fan. I'm not really into DC in general. But I bought into the hype, thought this could be good and not much of a shock, it wasn't that good. Visually its beautiful, but overall, its just bland. The script was poor, the acting was subpar at best and honestly, Amy Adams was horribly miscast. Then there's Russell Crowe, but we will get to him in a bit. Trust me, I have a lot to say about him and how he was just unnecessary.

“Man of Steel” is a reboot of a reboot. We just had a Superman movie not to long ago with Brandon Routh so I'm not really sure why this one seemed like it was needed. Also, I don't like Zack Snyder. His style is so specific that he does not leave any room for change. It was to be a matte color, comic book style jumbled mess. Don't believe me? Go watch “Suckerpunch” then tell me I'm wrong. I know every director likes to put his mark on their film, but this is absurd. I would like to see him do something different, that doesn't automatically remind me of all his previous films. Most directors grow as their careers go on Mr. Snyder. You may want to consider that.

Now, the movie is incredibly disjointed. We start off on Krypton where he is born. Apparently, according to this film, babies are created. He is the first naturally born child in like...centuries. This opening scene last roughly fifteen minutes and it really did not explain anything other than this is how he got to Earth and why Zod hates him. Which really, General Zod doesn't hate Kal-El, he hates Jor-El, his father. Well, Zod gets punished for the murders by getting encapsulated in ice. Not to be a pervert or anything but those massive icicles look incredibly phallic. There is actually a lot of phallic imagery throughout but I'll let you be the judge of that.

The film on most levels falls flat. Clark Kent basically has no flaws throughout the entire film. He saves men, he fixes things, he's just perfect. The only time he really has a problem is when his powers first show up and he basically has a nervous breakdown in class. Other than that, he's a deus ex machina (God machine...it's a literary thing). The best scenes were the ones where Clark had to interact with his parents Diane Lane and Kevin Costner. It is in these moments where he is most human and most relate-able. Beyond that, he's too perfect.

And then there's Russell Crowe. The man dies not even ten minutes into the film but he keeps coming back. Apparently he has downloaded himself into a spaceship. What? Is he River Song now? I just don't get it. Is this movie lacking so much star power that we have to have him pop up everywhere. The worst part? He takes away all the guess work. Like, towards the end when Superman and Lois are trying to escape a ship, there's Crowe to guide them every step of the way. Ok, honestly, why? Is Superman that incompetent?

And its not that this movie was bad. It just wasn't good. It had a lot of hype, a ton of promotion and it just didn't impress me. The characters are somehow stupider, everyone just stands around like morons and at the end, I just didn't care about anyone. Clark lets his father die at one point just so he won't scare people. Dude, you are Superman! Save your dad!

I'll admit, I don't care for Henry Cavill, but he did a decent job at least looking like he was properly cast. It was when he opened his mouth that I had issues. The dialogue was just lame. The jokes aren't funny and it almost turns into an after school special at points. I understand Superman has a sense of right and wrong, but come on! Zod is destroying the planet and you take issue with killing him? How many people has he killed with all his destruction? Oh yes, not to mention, he's sort of the reason your family is dead and he wants to kill you too. Superman, grow a spine and save the planet, like you are supposed to!

I wanted to like this. I hoped “Man of Steel” would surpass my expectations and it barely touched them. I miss the older movies from this franchise, the ones that were a bit more family friendly, less boring and had more action. Sure, the Christopher Reeve films seem a bit cheesy now but they are still superior to this one. That's a huge problem with this one. It tries to get way too serious and way too deep when it really shouldn't. Yes, I get it, Clark Kent is an alien who has lost his home world, his parents, borderline everything, but he has family on Earth. If you think about it, he's got it pretty good. Friends, family, super powers, a job...what does he have to be so emo about?

I know this one has been out for a while, so check it out in the dollar theater. Skip the 3D and save yourself the money. It wasn't impressive, it was boring at times and Superman needed to suck it up. Also, this is a bit...wrong...but I think Superman SHOULD have the red trunks on the outside. It is iconic! In this one...I was very uncomfortable when they used certain angles. It goes back to the phallic thing. They would use angles that sort of emphasized the costume being different and in the process, there's his crotch. Well, if you didn't know beforehand, this movie will reinforce that he is indeed male.

Do yourself a favor and wait. I still don't like Zack Snyder or his style.

I'm TheCinemaChick and I'm still horribly behind.