Top Ten Worst of '13

 Hey guys, what is up? I'm the one and only female film critic called TheCinemaChick. I know, I know, I still haven't exactly gotten back into my groove but finals are over and I have a one month break before I resume classes. So let's get to it.

It's my favorite time of year, the time when I pick my top ten worst films and my top ten best films of the year. Usually I would go with the same number as the year, like Top 13 of 13, but since I've been slacking, I haven't seen that many films. This year, I only saw 44, which is a huge decrease from my previous years. My current record was close to 80, but at the time I wasn't going to school. So, let's hope that in 2014 I get in the game and prove certain people (the ones who said I wasn't good enough to join their film fellowship) that I'm a damn good cinephile.

So, without further ado, let's discuss the movies I hated the most this year. As usual, my number ten worst film would be one I hated but I could sit through again. If it makes number one, then I'd rather be stuck eating...I don't know...ghost chilis for a day.

(I apologize for the odd formatting.  I'm technologically challenged.)

Honorable Mentions: Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, Jack the Giant Slayer and The Fifth Estate.

10. Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters

I love this series. I've read the first four books and someday I'll get around to reading the fifth one. The first one was done rather well. The second one...not so much. There was a lot of material left out and it just didn't capture the same magic as “The Lightening Thief” did. The same main actors return, which I appreciated. Some new faces show up as well, such as Tyson the cyclops and Clarisse from the Area cabin. The dialogue was weak, the action scenes weren't that interesting and the ending fell flat. However, because I enjoy the series, I'd watch it again

9. The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones
   I honestly don't know what to say about this one. It had the potential to be awesome and I like the premise. To be fair, I've also only read the first half of the first book. Then the whole “Clary and Jace might be siblings” thing turned me off. I would not mind watching it again because it does have Aidan Turner as a sexy (Irish?) werewolf. Also, the whole movie is just so bad its funny. I laughed way more than I should have but it was worth it. Watch this one for laughs.

8. The Lone Ranger
Honestly, this one wasn't so bad in my opinion. However, it dragged far too long and I absolutely loathed the framing device. The story within a story thing got on my nerves. The plot would be going along just fine, then it would be abruptly interrupted to go back to the older Tonto and the small boy. I found it very distracting to the point where I got sick of it. In general, the pacing was slow, the jokes were terrible and the plot was basically paper thin. Johnny Depp really needs to reconsider the roles he chooses in the future. His recent projects have not been doing so well. Let's not discuss “Dark Shadows”.

7. Iron Man 3
Don't get me wrong. In my eyes, Marvel and Stan Lee can do no wrong. Most people hated “Iron Man 2” but I loved it. The third one...Tony Stark was whiny, annoying and to me, he just gave up in the end. Then there are the subplots that get brought in and ignored halfway through. A lot of the film was forgettable and the villain was mediocre. Also, I don't like Pepper Pots. She's useless, then all of a sudden, she has awesome fire powers and saves the day. Really Iron Man? You gave up everything for a girl? I mean, I know Thor had some major issues with Jane but that's one hell of a long distance relationship. And, as much as I don't like Pepper, I believe she can do better than Tony Stark.

6. Now You See Me

I don't like Jesse Eisenberg. The plot couldn't decide if it was about kids doing magic, exposing magic, bank robbers or a love story. Instead, it chose to do all of that, making it highly jumbled and somewhat boring. And the ending...how did they escape and not get arrested? Things just didn't add up. The ending had a twist that I did expect but it was still cool to see.

5.Man of Steel

This one wasn't all that bad. I'm not a fan of Superman to begin with and I can't stand Zack Snyder since he always does this comic book matte background thing. It felt far too long to me and the origin took up about a third of it. Can we talk about the overload of phallic symbols in there? Seriously, look when Zod and his crew are exiled. Tell those don't look like...well, you know. Then Russell Crowe NEVER goes away. He dies in the first fifteen minutes but he keeps coming back. I know he's like a hologram or something, but now he's an omnipotent hologram who knows everything about the enemy. He becomes convenient, almost to where there was no conflict because Crowe has everything already solved. I couldn't get emotionally invested in the characters and lost interest halfway through. It wasn't worth the ticket price.

4.The Purge

Honestly, the concept was good. What would you do if you had 24 hours to do whatever you wanted? It had potential. Then it was just a drawn out game of cat and mouse. Most of the characters were flat and did nothing for me, except for the Polite Man. He has no name but he I s very polite, courteous and smiles sweetly as he threatens to break into a house and kill everyone because they are hiding someone. His friends are all in suits and the women wear flowy white dresses. They all have creepy masks on. Those moments were a little terrifying. I just didn't care for the amount of violence, especially at the end. Plus, the ending was made painfully obvious at the very beginning. I'd watch it again, but only for the Polite Man.

3. The Host

Stephanie Meyer, aliens that can take over your body and a really awkward love triangle with four people. I just explained a 700+ page book and saved you about 2 hours.

2. Pacific Rim

I just didn't get it. The aliens were inside the Earth the whole time? Visually it was outstanding and it's worth seeing, I just did not know what I was watching. The background wasn't explained well enough so I was lost the whole time. Maybe if someone explained it to me I'd like it more but for now, I just don't know why Godzilla had so many clones in the Earth's core or why the giant robots from Power Rangers had to fight them. So...yeah. I don't get it.

1. Riddick

Where do I begin with this one? I think its awesome that Vin Diesel funded this film with his own money and all, but it was horrible. Nothing made sense, it had almost nothing to do with its previous films and it was almost like a glorification of Diesel himself. This movie is a Vin Diesel movie starring Vin Diesel. There is gratuitous nudity that doesn't need to be there, extremely foul language and a good portion of violence. Almost nothing happens and it's mostly another cat and mouse thing. I liked “Pitch Black” and the movies prior to this one. I j ust could not get into this one. It focused way too much on Riddick to the point where I hoped someone killed him because I was sick of seeing him. And when they killed his dog...that's when I lost all interest. Personally, if I were Karl Urban, I'd want my name take off and just be an uncredited cameo. He does absolutely nothing, barely has any dialogue, then is never seen or heard from ever again. To top it off, it has a happy ending. Stick to the “Fast and Furious” franchise.

Speaking of the “Fast and Furious” franchise...I am deeply saddened by the sudden and unexpected loss of Paul Walker. He was a very talented actor and an amazing person. There were many charities he supported and he didn't care for all the things many celebrities do. He lived a low key life. Paul Walked will never be forgotten, thanks to his memorable films, his generous spirit and for being a philanthropist.

I'm TheCinemaChick and Fry and I are going to see “The Desolation of Smaug” tomorrow...with a boy!