Top 12 of 12: Worst of

            Hello everyone, it’s December and you know what that means.  It’s time for TheCinemaChick’s annual Best Of/Worst Of lists!  Let’s kick this party off with my worst of list.  Let me remind everyone how this works.  I’ve ranked these twelve movies in order from tolerable to abomination.  Basically, the first film you see will be one that sucked, but I’d be willing to watch it again.  The last film in the list will the one that even I’m ashamed to admit I’ve seen.  With that said, let’s jump into it.

12. Snow White and the Huntsman

            Charlize Theron was amazing in this movie.  Chris Hemsworth was pretty to look at.  Visually, it was stunning.  Let’s face it, Kristen Stewart is incapable of showing emotions and is just one of the worst actors around.  She appeals to me as much as ice hockey.  Overall, it wasn’t all that bad.  If the main actress had been different, it would have been better.  Let’s not forget that this is the film where Kristen Stewart met the man she would cheat on Robert Pattinson with.  

            And oh yes, it’s a complete rip off of the Hayao Miyazaki film “Princess Mononoke”.  Filmmakers admit that they were inspired by it, but there is a huge difference between paying homage to something and copying it.

11. Silent Hill: Revelation

            This movie sucked.  The saving grace is that is has Sean Bean in a recurring role that helped maintain continuity from the first movie and Pyramid Head.  Seriously, I have a twisted little crush on Pyramid Head.  However, another reason I liked it is because it goes from mundane to macabre.  The demented carnival where Alessa is faced once more is pretty cool, along with the final battle between the creepy villainess and Pyramid Head.

            Beyond that, it was another horror movie that lacked action and horror.

10. Red Tails

            I was excited to see this one, until I saw it.  The idea of doing a historical drama over the Tuskegee airmen is a good one.  Had this been done as a documentary, I would have enjoyed it more.  It lacked action, clarity and decent visuals.  Because George Lucas had a hand in this, all the computer animation is very reminiscent of Star Wars.  My main problem was that the movie tried to have too many main characters.  There were five or six of them and I never got their names, so I was confused.  And during the action sequences, there wasn’t much going on.  It was mostly cuts to different actors speaking their dialogue until the fight was over and they went back to base.  I just couldn’t get into it.

9. Dark Shadows

            I felt so horrible about hating this.  It’s a Johnny Depp and Tim Burton collaboration, which normally I love but this…I couldn’t enjoy this.  It was poorly written and just so damn boring.  I hated most of the characters, they left way too many loose ends and there were way too many moments of convenience to satisfy me.  Johnny Depp looked horrendous in his make up.

            Despite all that, it was wonderfully campy, which is what the movie was aiming for.  Helena Bonham Carter was pretty good, the scenery was fairly decent and for what it was worth, it was cute.

8. Gone

            Good lord, this movie was bad.  It was a kidnapping mystery that was so generic is was forgettable.  Amanda Seyfried was trying to break free of her good girl image by playing a mentally unstable girl who goes in search of her sister.  The thing is, I couldn’t get past the stupidity.  She’s mentally ill, which the entire town knows but she still manages to get a gun.  She doesn’t get arrested, even though she admits all her wrongdoings, such as killing someone, stealing a car, breaking and entering.  None of her actions had any consequences and she just walks away.  This was basically a happily ever after story.

            If it hadn’t been so bland, this would have been good.  I don’t think Amanda Seyfried is quite ready for such intense roles, but who am I to judge?

7. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

            Nicholas Cage should really consider retiring from acting.  His last few movies have been bombs and this one was no different.  His acting is subpar, the plot is pretty much paper thin and the continuity from the first film is ruined.  Ghost Rider’s origin story is changed, the rules about being the Ghost Rider apparently changed between films and even then, he’s just pathetic.  Most of the time, Johnny Blaze is whiny and unwilling, not the best thing for a hero.  The villain was not threatening at all but was more of a comic relief.

            I just want to point out that Idris Elba was in this movie and even he failed to make it good.  I regret seeing it in 3D because that was a waste of money.

6. Paranormal Activity 4

            Does this one really need explaining?  It’s like cheating on a term paper.  Copy and pasted nonsense with cheap scares.  And they’re making another one.

            I wish I was joking.

5. Chronicle

            This movie, I think, was geared more towards young men than late 20s women.  I didn’t appeal to me at all, but I can see how guys liked it.  Plus, it was another “found footage” film, which used to be original, but now it’s just lame.  We get it, you want a film to look “real” but this is so obviously fake.  After a while, it just becomes three guys arguing and one going completely insane.  That one ends up using his powers to destroy the city and ends up getting killed.  And the lead up to the major battle is so boring.  A lot of it is one kid and his crappy family.

            Guys, you might like this one, but I sure as hell didn’t.

4. Sinister

            First off, the demon is named Bughuul, which to me sounds like something you’d name it if you couldn’t think of anything else.  Ethan Hawke stars in this movie but he’s so bland he could put an insomniac to sleep.  Once again, it’s a horror movie that fails to deliver the horror.  Almost nothing happens and when it does, it’s just not shocking.  Most of the time, he’s just watching the Super 8 film of old murders or talking to some cop.  Granted, the ending was pretty horrible.  And in this case, I don’t mean it in a “this movie sucked” horrible.

            It turns out Bughuul makes children kill their families.  So one girl ties her family to a tree with some nooses and they are all hanged.  Another child ties and gags her family, then uses a lawn mower to go over them.  One boy ties his family to lawn chairs and pushes them into a pool.  The fact that children are responsible for all of this is incredibly disturbing.  Well played “Sinister”, well played.

3. The Apparition

            I understand that certain actors want to break out of their defining roles, but this is not the film to try that with.  It stars Ashley Greene (Alice from Twilight), Sebastian Stan (Bucky from Captain America) and Tom Felton (Draco from Harry Potter).  This is all about how a psychological experiment goes wrong when they try to bring a demon into this world.  Well, guess what moron, if you bring a demon into the world, it’s going to try and kill you.  Apparently, someone didn’t tell this to this group of geniuses.  For almost the entire film, Alice and Bucky (I’m not going to bother using their character’s names) see weird things going on but do nothing about it.  They argue about it like it can be taken care of that way.

            And to make things better, they bring in Draco, who doesn’t really do anything to help the problem.  And their deaths are just ridiculous.  Draco dies by closet, no joke there.  The ghost drags him into a closet and that’s it.  Bucky just vanishes then appears in a wall.  Not sure how that works out.  Alice walks into a CostCo, which is magically open just for her, sits in a tent and sobs while strange grey hands grab her.  That’s it.  The movie just ends, leaving no feeling of satisfaction or resolution.  This year has been all about disappointments.

2. Magic Mike

            Women flocked to the theaters to see this one.  Sure, it had hot men stripping, but that was such a minute point.  There’s maybe three scenes of stripping while the rest is just boring.  Most of it centers around Channing Tatum trying to get a loan, talking about his love of making furniture, trying to win a girl over and teaching Alex Pettyfer how to be a man whore.  It was pretty boring.  When it’s not excruciatingly dull, it’s just vulgar.  There is a lot of drug use and if you like the F word, there is no shortage of it here.  Seriously, their vocabularies are severely reduced to cursing, sexual banter, drug talk or idle prattle.  Oh, did I mention the giant penis?  Yeah, there’s a scene where a man’s penis is being pumped.  It’s not subtle at all.  And it’s close to the camera so there’s no escaping it.  I have no problem with sexual situations or nudity when it’s done in a tasteful manner, but this…this is just obscene.

            This movie was filth.  I’m ashamed to say I sat through it.  

So, what movie did I absolutely hate with a passion?  What film can top the disgusting content of Magic Mike?  

1. The Devil Inside

            This movie was like a giant middle finger to the movie going populous.  It was basically false advertising.  There was no truth to the story, even though it claimed to be based on an actual event.  I researched this and it’s all a marketing ploy.  Most of the film is absolute crap with multiple exorcisms, most of which seemed unnecessary.  The only thing that added a little interest was the priests.  One of them becomes possessed.  He goes to church to perform an immersion baptism, which is where a baby is completely dipped in water.  He tries to kill the baby but is stopped just in time.  A few minutes later, he commits suicide, which causes the main girl to have a seizure.  It turns out she now has the demon in her.  So remember kids, demons spread like germs.  She is taken to the hospital, because that’s what I’d do when someone is possessed.  When they realize she needs to be taken to a church, she is put in the smallest car imaginable.  A priest, a possessed chick and a camera man go on a road trip.  She touches the camera man and he gets the demon.  The ending is a series of title cards, telling the audience to visit a website

            “The Devil Inside” was crap.  In fact, many critics have dubbed it the worst film of 2012 and I couldn’t agree more.  The “found footage” movement needs to stop and I hope this films disappears from history.  I honestly hate this film more than words can ever express.  

            In fact, this is so bad it almost makes “Liz and Dick” look good.  And that movie was fairly horrible in its own right.

            Honorable mentions for worst of 2012:

            Mirror Mirror: While it was campy, it had its moments.  Snow White was a better role model and she was able to fend for herself, but overall, it just didn’t do anything for me.  It could have been better.

            Wrath of the Titans: It was just laughable.  It’s so bad its funny.

            So there you go fellow cinephiles!  My top 12 of 12: Worst of edition.  I will be working on my Best Of list soon, but I am waiting to write it.  See, I’m going to see The Hobbit with Fry on Saturday.  Since I’m amped to see it, it might be a last minute entry to my list.  Don’t get me wrong, the list is written but not set in stone.

            Let’s share!  What are your worst films this year?  What did you absolutely hate?  Let me know!  Tweet me @TheCinemaChick or send me an email TheCinemaChick@yahoo.com.  I’m not mean and I promise I won’t bite.

            I’m TheCinemaChick and I love rock and roll.