300: Rise of an Empire

 Hello everyone, I'm TheCinemaChick and I review all kinds of movies! I've seen it all, good and bad. Today, let's talk about the bad. Well, not bad so much as it needlessly gory and overly violent when it just didn't make sense. The first one was great and having watched it again, I can appreciate it more. In case you couldn't tell, we're discussing a sequel, one that did fairly well for roughly two weeks then failed miserably to “Mr. Peabody and Sherman”. Honestly, did not see that coming.


So, let's dive into the bloody water that is 300: Rise of an Empire.


First off, let me say that I hated this movie. It's on my worst of 2014 list and I've sat through some really bad movies. And its not that the film itself is bad but there are so many elements that I just couldn't stand that it ended up being a failure in my book. Remember, this is my personal opinion and I know that lots of people loved this movie and found it to be one of the best action films of the year but why? Seriously, I don't get why this movie is so great.


Bear in mind, this is a sequel but it's also a prequel. Ok, it starts off before the main story of the first movie, then goes to the future, to the present, back to the past and to the present and eventually just gets a little muddled. They spend a lot of time reminding the audience that oh yes, Leonidas and the 300 are in fact dead. Seriously, this is repeated more times than it should have been. Then we completely switch gears to someone else's story which has almost nothing to do with the original. There are maybe four scenes that connect the two. Beyond that, there's mostly just a voice over provided by Lena Headey, the queen of Sparta. Did you know her name is Gorgo? I didn't until this movie. And as we all remember, I absolutely loathe the voice over. It's clunky, its distracting and if you can't start a story without reading us a chapter from a book, you fail.


Anyway, “300: Rise of an Empire” focuses mainly on Themistocles and his army. This time, we're going up against the navy...that's led by a woman? Yeah, you heard me right on this one. Xerxes returns as well and in this film, we actually get to see how he became a god-king. I'm really not sure how that worked out. Walking into a cave of hermits and submerging yourself in an underground lake makes you shiny and gold? What powers does he have as a god-king? Why doesn't he seem to own a single pair of pants or even a man-skirt? Mostly, why the hell is he gold? I seriously don't get that. We get to see Xerxes as a man, who was apparently a prince. He then gets manipulated by Atemisia (I'll get to her in a moment) and somehow, this leads to an all out battle on the sea.


Let's discuss our main, badass female antagonist. She's a bitch, no other way to put it. She kills for the sake of killing, shows absolutely no emotion and has a serious vendetta against Greece. I'll admit, I can see why she has the animosity. Greeks killed her family, kidnapped her, turned her into a sex slave and left her for dead. I get that, you're the Loki of ancient Greece. Go eat some ice cream, get some therapy, maybe a kitten and everything will be ok. Seriously, beheading your...brother?...will not heal the pain. Also of he was your “brother” why did you kiss him after slicing his head off? It doesn't make any sense? We get it, your a navy captain with a heart as black as your awesome costumes!


It seems Artemisia and Themistocles have something between them because they are constantly changing tactics and trying to kill each other. It kind of gets old after a while. Attack, regroup, attack, regroup, negotiation, extremely awkward and probably supposed to be kinky sex scene with a very sad attempt at humor mixed in then blah...why did we need to have the sex scene anyway? Because the first one had one? It's just hair pulling, slamming into walls, lots of anger and an abrupt end with neither party being satisfied. And it seems the guards can actually hear this angry sex but they just look at each other like “I wonder what's going on in there? We better just stand here and wait it out. Can't be too bad if no one's screaming. It's just loud thumps, banging and crashing, no big deal. Let's keep staring at the water in the dark. Man, it sure is a lovely night.”


What are they thinking about? Guarding her? Well, obviously not since no one's looking after Artemisia. I get that she's a strong woman who can handle herself but why not have a guard in there as an insurance policy. Things go wrong, Themistocles gets killed, Persians win the war. Simple as that. Ok, this has some base in fact but I don't know the story well enough to say how it actually happened and I ain't going to look it up now. I've got things to do, other than write about movies, although, I love writing about movies.


Here's why I hated this film. The chronology is so bad that I had trouble telling when it was past, present and future. There are two scenes when Themistocles goes to Gorgo to ask for help and there was only one thing that set the time for me. David Wenham pops in a few times to remind us that he was also in the first movie. In one scene, he has both eyes and in another, he only has one. Remember, in the first film, he was sent home because he lost an eye in battle. His name was Dilios. That makes me giggle.


And now, let's get to the main source of my rage. “300” is a violent movie with slow motion blood and plenty of violence. It is tame in comparison to its sequel. “Rise of an Empire” has a massive increase in stylized violence, far more than it's predecessor. It is obscenely violent and the amount of bloodshed is disgusting. We get to see hundreds of people murdered in some of the most gruesome ways possible. Oh, and its in 3D so you get to see the blood coming straight at you. That's freaking disgusting. If it had been used infrequently, it would have been effective but because it becomes a constant thing, the gore loses all value and just becomes asinine. What's the point of emphasizing the atrocities of war when there is no other focus on the story? Yes, we get to see how Xerxes became Xerxes, we get to see why Artemisia hates the Greeks so passionately but some of the dots weren't connected.


My only positive note is that the final five minutes are awesome. I want to spoil it but some of you haven't seen it yet. It gave me a new appreciation for “300” and some of its characters. Just...remember when Leonidas and Xerxes are talking about sending the Spartan women into battle? Keep that scene in mind during the ending.


Overall, I just hated “300: Rise of an Empire”. The action was way too overdone, the violence and blood shed is just ridiculous, the plot doesn't quite hold together and honestly, every attempt at humor failed miserably. The 3D detracted from the experience. I respect Artemisia, even though she was a flat character. She had the definite heart of stone, complete bitch thing going and holy hell, her costumes are amazing. Gorgo gets some points for something I can't spoil but everyone else...either the ending is unsatisfying of left vague. If you've seen it and you know what happened with Xerxes towards the end, let me know because I don't.



I'm TheCinemaChick and I'll be entering a short story contest. Wish me luck.