Cora's Poetry Corner "Faithful"

I worship a material god,
a deity I cannot please
though I am a faithful pilgrim.
I cling to the doctrine that I must worship
at an altar of regret, just so I may hear a few sweet
but stinging words that remind me of my worthlessness.
Though I yearn to break the bindings, forcing me
to stay in the comfort of my panic,
I remain in my misery because it is all I know.
My scripture comes in the form of pamphlets,
facts and information and side effects and warnings
because I must ingest gallons of holy water every day so I don't get poisoned
but also this pill may cause your suicidal thoughts to worsen
and maybe destroy your vision, but you'll be fine!
The Good Word tells me this will boost my serotonin,
it will also create more chemicals in my brain which will level me out
so it'll be like I never had borderline personality disorder at all, such a miracle!
Until all I know is blind faith, grasping for an answer I will never have
yet if I believe hard enough, I might have some relief from the demons in my head,
while also appearing normal, happy and smiling.
I remain devout, not question the sanctity of the doctors I come to trust
but following their medical sermons as if they are the bread I need to live.
The pill stop working
and I am left in a void of confusion and chaos, unsure of what to believe anymore
those medications were all I knew, they were my everything, how can I live without them, what will become of me?
Now I see what I've become.
No longer can I live off these precious gems.
With my eyes open, I leave the Church of Antipsychotics,
breaking the chain of my addiction
and discovering peace.




Hey guys, it's Cora!  I know, still not a movie review, I fail to live up to the moniker I chose for myself, right?  The thing about that...I'm also a writer.  Poetry was my specialty and lately, I was inspired to write about my addiction to medication.  I was on anti depressants and other psychiatric drugs for about 15 years and I honestly thought I needed them.  I took them and loved how I felt, but I also felt bad.  I began to hate relying on pills, to schedule my days around when I had to take what.  I made the decision to stop taking all of my medicine.  For a while, I was bad.  I discussed it with my friend Shadow and...I regret who I was.  I don't recognize that person now. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm still flawed and I have bad days like everyone else.  But being off all of those pills has made me infinitely happier.  Maybe it's not the best decision for everyone, yet I feel like it was in my best interest to face my mental illness head on.

I'm not cured.  I never will be.  I fight it every single day and so far, I'm winning against my depression and anxiety.
I'm proud of who I am today. 
And if Shadow could hear me say those words, well...I can imagine the smile on his face.