Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones

 What's up everyone who is reading this blog, my name is TheCinemaChick! I'm the girl who watches all the movies and reports to you. Yes, you lovely reader! I've just completed a review of the feel good film “Saving Mr. Banks” and unfortunately, its going to get worse. This is going to be one the reviews where you'll either question my sanity or hopefully, question the people who made this movie. I'm guessing you'd like to know what comes next in my currently short film list.


I'm almost ashamed to admit that I chose to see “Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones” for my birthday.


In case you're wondering, no I do not find them scary at all. I find them formulaic and predictable to the point where I can pinpoint when things will happen. So now you're wondering why I bothered to see it in the first place. The answer is actually quite simple. I felt like seeing a good comedy. To me, the “Paranormal Activity” franchise is a joke so I don't take it seriously. Instead, it's just funny.


So what's different about this one? Not much. I like to call this film “Paranormal Activity: The Mexican Edition”. And before anyone gets upset at me saying that, I mean no offense. I am Mexican myself. And I can explain why I call it that so don't leave now. While the movie is mostly a dud, there are things I liked better than its predecessors. For one, they start the tension much earlier than usual. Instead of things getting creepy over halfway into the movie, this one almost jumps into it.


**Spoilers Ahead...though this movie is pretty much like all the others.**


So, in this movie, we have Jesse and his best friend Hector as the main characters. Jesse has graduated high school and like everyone else in this series, has a hand held camera to play with. They believe their neighbor below them, Anna, is a witch so they want to find proof of this. In a fit of genius, they manage to lower a camera down a vent to see what's going on. They see a naked woman standing still then the neighbor, also nude, begins painting on her. Fun fact, this movie is the reason I learned the difference between brief nudity, nudity and graphic nudity. The last one in the list is where pretty much nothing is off limits. And you see everything.


Anna dies under mysterious circumstances and for some unknown reason, Jesse and Hector decide that exploring her apartment is a great idea. Yeah, ignore the bright yellow “crime scene” tape and walk right in. Brilliant. Also, how stupid are you? You're in a crime scene TOUCHING EVERYTHING! That leaves fingerprints everywhere, which makes you a suspect. I've watched enough Criminal Minds to know better. This is when they learn about “The Marked Ones”, which is the first born son getting a bite mark meaning they've been marked for possession when they come of age. Well, in order to be come a chosen one, a mother has to undergo a ritual. It gets weirder.


Remember those VHS tapes that seem to keeping popping up in the movies? They're here too.


Also, important plot point here. They steal a journal (smart idea there) and discover all sorts of witchcraft stuff in it. This is when they learn about the door. Why is this door so important? It can transport you anywhere...as long as its to an unholy place. Think about that while we move on


After playing some basketball, Jesse is jumped by some thugs and somehow has developed telekinesis. He beats them, fleeing with Hector so they can watch the footage later. Jesse has no idea how it happened believing he has super powers. It gets even stranger when he tries to fall backwards but an unseen force catches him Then there's the stupid Simon Says game. Hector and Marisol (some random chick friend of theirs) are playing with it but when Jesse tries, it fails. Somehow, it becomes a Ouija board. Red means now and green means yes. Seriously? What?


Hector and Jesse then go to a party where they attempt to hook up with some girls. Instead of taking them home, guess where they go? Yes, Anna's apartment, still blocked off by crime scene tape. Guys, take a note. If you want to hook up, do not take her to a place where someone has been killed and is under investigation. Of course, things don't go as planned and Penelope (random slut #1) finds a secret door. Oscar (also a marked one) tries to grab her but she runs. He just disappears.


Oscar warns Jesse that the only way to stop the possession is to kill himself. He then kills himself, to no one's surprise. Things just keep getting creepier. For some reason, they just can't let this go, so alone, Jesse goes back to this freaking basement where he finds pictures of himself, his mother and Oscar, making him even more suspicious. Thus beginning his descent into madness. Yeah...insert emo Jesse here now. At least when his dog goes missing, he goes to find it...in that damn basement. He sees the creepiest little kids in there (apparently it's Katie and Krisit, but I couldn't tell). Before he can get out, something attacks him and when he wakes up, he's home.


There's no place like home, there's no place like home...


With his super powers, Jesse begins torturing the dog, making Hector, Marisol (who apparently has no other friends) and Grandma scared. Don't get attached to Grandma, she's about to get thrown down some stairs to her death. Desperate, Hector and Marisol turn to an unlikely cameo, I mean, ally. Remember cute little Ali from the second movie? Apparently she became a demon hunter and knows a lot about them. She gives them all the help she can, which isn't much since her scene is about two minutes long. Jesse attacks Hector later and Marisol knocks him out with a baseball bat.


Why did you use this sooner? You could have saved Grandma if you'd just knocked Jesse a while ago so that he couldn't hurt anyone! So, since there's a place where the ritual is held (that creepy house from the end of the fourth movie), they decided its a great idea to go there. A huge black truck rams into them and steals Jesse. By some miracle, no one is hurt and the car can still be driven. So, they get Arturo and Santo (who haven't really been in this movie at all) and head out to the coven. Why do you people always go to the creepy haunted house at night?

As you can guess, they get chased, people get killed and Jesse makes his return as he tries to kill Hector. Remember those doors I told you to keep in mind? It finally shows up! Terrified, Hector sees a door with strange things carved around it and goes through it.


BAM! He's suddenly in the first movie. Katie comes down the stairs, sees Hector in the kitchen and freaks out. Micah comes running, dies when she stabs him then Jesse shows up in full possession mode and knocks Hector down. Katie turns off the camera then it ends.


It just ends. No epilogue, no nothing, just an end.


While “The Marked Ones” does connect some of the dots in the franchise, it's still leaving a lot of things really unclear. To make matters worse, “Paranormal Activity 5” comes out this October. Technically, this one is considered a spinoff but honestly, it just doesn't add anything. The only way it tied back in was at the end and with the story. That's not much to put you in the same category. I really wish this franchise would go ahead and explain how it all ties together and just end. When you have to resort to time travel, its time to call it quits. Whenever time travel, aliens and in some cases, magic are brought in, then its clear the franchise is reaching for ideas


If you want a good laugh, watch “Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones”. Otherwise, don't bother. It's crap.



I'm TheCinemaChick and be prepared for a controversial review.