Trailer Trash: Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones

 What is up everyone? It's almost time for Christmas so here is my early gift to you. I'm TheCinemaChick, joining forces once again with the ever bubbly Kit Kat. We're back for another installment of Trailer Trash, where we look at a trailer for an upcoming film and just go “What the hell is this?” Tonight's pick is a good one. As we all know, January isn't exactly the best month for horror movies. The last one “The Devil Inside” was such a disappointment, it's been dubbed one of the worst films of all time because the ending was like a giant middle finger to the entire audience. So, does “Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones” stand a better chance? Well, let's look at the trailer and see what's scary as hell and what makes us groan. Kit Kat, say hello since it's been too long since your last visit.


Hello all you movie lovers and haters. I’m Kit Kat and I’m back for another lovely round of Trailer Trash. While I haven’t personally seen all of the other Paranormal Activity Movies, just seeing the trailers didn’t get my hopes up for a decent movie. And here we are again with their FIFTH installment… Besides the Fast and Furious franchise…I don’t remember another series with five movies.


Other than Harry Potter, Indian Jones I think, James Bond...nope. The thing is, the whole “found footage” genre has been slowly dying for years but for some reason, this franchise will not die. I wouldn't be surprised if we saw a sixth or seventh installment from them. Here's my main issue with the films. We know it started with Katie and Kristie. With each film, we have gotten father and farther away from them. In this trailer, they are briefly mention and one of them is a stepmother. I'm guessing this means the daughter from the second film finally returns since she apparently wasn't home when her parents were killed and her brother taken. I'm not sure how I even remember that off the top of my head.


Yes, those are the others. Indiana Jones being the least successful of the most successful I do believe. But the fact that they are still trying to make a good horror movie for this franchise is a little…disturbing. Many by now would have gotten the point and stopped the insanity. From an outside point of view, the movies all seem to blur together because they all look similar.


My main issue is, how are these all connected and will there ever be an end? I just don't understand how this demon can affect so many people when the main characters are not even present anymore. Ok, yes Katie was in the fourth one briefly but that's not much. There's also too many characters overall. Most of them are totally irrelevant to the plot anyway. So now we're apparently in the south side of Los Angeles, with some Hispanic kids. I have no freaking clue what this has to do with anything I have seen before and I've seen all the films to date.


And I’ll say what I thought after first seeing this trailer: is this a horror movie or a live action Grand Theft Auto? I mean really. The music, the visuals. I couldn’t help but to think that they are trying to do way to much on the establishing of our location. Sure, it’s LA but we know it’s a horror movie franchise. That’s the point of going to see this movie. Not for feeling like we are LA. Sure we need to feel for the characters but I don’t know how well I’d feel for some guy who seems to party all the time and that he thinks a baseball bat will protect him from gangs.


What bothers me is that I know this will follow the formula of its predecessors, nothing for the first 3 acts, then all the action and horror will take place in the final act, followed by some title cards telling us this is still being investigated or something. The whole series is getting a bit stale, so honestly, they need to liven things up a bit. Do something different. Build suspense, stop relying on so many jump scares and for the love of Matthew Gray Gubler, give us an ending to the story, not a continuation! Seriously, I want to know how this thing ends. What's with the demon and what's going on with the sudden shift in location? There is no sense in continuity here. The films are all highly disjointed but at least the first three sort of worked as a trio. Everything else is just confusing and unneeded.


*stares off into the distance* ah…Matthew. *ahem* And I completely agree. If you are going to do a shift in location then you need you let the audience know why but not at the expense of the current movie. I fear the same that this movie is going to try and establish itself in the timeline and then half way through you will finally get the new movie with them prodding you to keep you realizing it’s connection to the others. Movies like that never work because they are trying way too hard and that’s what’s happening here. By now they are either desperate or hoping fifth time is a charm to make some money. I’m sure some people will go to see it for mindless entertainment but maybe this time someone will get the hint to rethink doing another one.


To be fair, we are basing everything we are saying solely on what we've seen from the trailer. I admit, the creepy factor is indeed there. There are several things that I find unsettling and downright disturbing. There are a few things where I just go “What??” or “I don't want to know...but now I need to know.” This does seem to have other horror elements worked in besides demonic possession. I did notice the religious aspect being introduced, so here's hoping they don't offend the entire Catholic church with this. Then there's a scene with the two creepy girls saying “He'll see you now”. What the actual hell?


I agree there are some creepy aspects to the trailer. The parts that get me are when he is standing looking in the mirror and pulling the string or whatever out of his eye. *shudders* Get’s my skin crawling. But the jump scare of seeing the guy down the road and the kids not being able to get out of the car. He disappears and suddenly he’s in the window and breaks through the window. Those moments get my adrenaline going like a horror movie should. If they do work those horror aspects in well with the rest of the movie then maybe it might not be as bad as we think it will. Besides, it’s all ready been proven that two creepy girls talking together are creepy.


I have a little big of hope that this one might be an improvement over the previous four. It seems to be going in a different direction and hopefully it won't be the formulaic mess it has been. There seems to be some new things introduced so its possible that it won't completely suck. We can only hope that this is true. Knowing my luck, I'll be dragged to see it. If I'm lucky, I'll get stuck next to a cute guy so when I get “scared” I can grab him. *crosses fingers* Please let it be Tom Hiddleston.


Well, I’m broke and don’t have the money to see this one. Besides, I’m saving my money to see Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug. I like me some hot dwarves and elves over possibly bad horror movies anyday.


Yeah, you say that but wait until you see Smaug. That is one sexy dragon, mainly because he has the voice of Benedict Cumberbatch. That's all I really have to say about the new Paranormal Activity film coming out in January. I hope this is the final installment honestly. I'm looking forward to 2014 and the hundreds of new films coming out, waiting for me to critique.


And with any luck, we might have another bad movie to review for Bad Movie Bonanza. Knowing movies as we have, there will always be another bad movie to rant about. Oh the fond memories. And that’s all I have to say about the movie either. No high hopes but maybe some very small ones.


Well Kit Kat, I believe it's time to sign off. Here's to the holidays, the New Year and to the movies that will be released, both good and bad. Anything to add?

Just that I hope to get back to my reviewing of books very soon. The holidays are always hectic but I hope to get at least one review done before the year is out and maybe even a video for my video roulette. Only time will tell. Anyway, I’m Kit Kat and I love me some trailer trash.

I'm TheCinemaChick, wishing everyone a happy and safe holiday.  My Best of 2013 list is coming, so stay tuned.

The Devil Inside? Pass.

            Happy Friday the Thirteenth to you, my lovely reader!  I am known internationally as TheCinemaChick and I love seeing movies.  As you might not know, I have spent the past week in quarantine as I like to call it.  I’ve been sick, but now I’m better, so I celebrated by going to see a movie today.  Normally, Friday the Thirteenth is a very good day for me, but I guess my luck ran out.  The movie I saw today sucked.

            Plus…my birthday is on the fifteenth.  I’m going to be 27.

            I’m old.

            Anyway, to celebrate the end of my sickness and my upcoming birthday, I decided to see The Devil Inside, which was a mistake.  I know, it’s a surprise hit at the box office and people are applauding it for being so scary, but it’s not.  Maybe I’m just desensitized or I’m used to the Hollywood horror film formula…everything labeled horror comes off as a joke to me.  This one was no exception.

            I can see how the concept of demonic possession would scare people or even seeing how creepy an exorcism might be.  Beyond that, there’s nothing in this film to scare people.  It was predictable, choppy and a complete ripoff.  Basically, if you’ve seen “Blair Witch Project” or any of the “Paranormal Activity” films, you’ve already seen this one.  It’s not new, it’s not exciting…it’s not even interesting.

            For most of the movie, I was yawning or on the verge of sleep.  The parts meant to cause a fright were completely ineffective.  In total, there were four exorcisms, one of which took place off screen, before the film had even begun.  Then it goes into a very long, very boring documentary.  It focuses heavily on Isabella, who is very wooden.  Good thing this is supposed to be another “found footage” film because that’s the only way she can act.  Everything about her came off as faked or forced.

            Then there’s Maria Rossi, the whole reason this thing got started.  She’s barely in the movie.  I know, she’s all over the posters and commercials, but she’s such a minor character in the overall plot that she’s forgotten.  Instead, the demon apparently seems to be able to jump around, landing in several other people.

            I know, I normally avoid spoilers but honestly, I’m trying to talk everyone out of seeing this movie.  It’s a waste of money and time.

            I mean, I spent four dollars on this and I feel cheated.  I went in expecting a frightening demonic possession movie but got something less entertaining than Blair Witch.  I would much rather sit through all the Paranormal Activitiy movies followed by The Blair Witch Project than see The Devil Inside again.  It’s that bad.

            Like I said, it’s an overdone, predictable fake documentary that shouldn’t have happened.  It cost a million dollars to make but it seriously looks much cheaper.  It could have been a bad student film.  Seriously, I could probably go down to Austin, Texas, find some screenwriter and amateur actors and produce something similar for a lot less.  I could probably make a scarier film than this.  At least my version would have better acting.

            And then the ending…oh man…better get yourself a drink and a snack for this one.  I could go on a major rant here.

            The ending was like giving the entire audience the middle finger and laughing at us for paying to see this.  First off, they build tension by having Isabella possessed by  a demon and get her in a car.  The camera man, Michael, is driving when she attacks him and tries to strangle him.  Immediately, he is now that carrier for the demon.  WHAT THE HELL????  Demons are like the cold?  You touch someone and it passes on like a germ?  Did they run out of money at this point and throw together something that seemed halfway plausible?  Seriously, this is so ridiculous that it deserves my anger towards it.

            So, now that Michael, who has also barely appeared in front of the camera, is possessed, he decides that he’s going to do the worst possible thing he can do.  He drives the car into oncoming traffic.  Since someone planted three cameras in the car, we get to experience the wreck.  Not that it really matters since all you get is black screen, fuzzy picture, black screen, fuzzy picture, screaming, black screen.  It’s so choppy and frenzied that I stopped caring.  I would have gotten up and left, but I paid for this.  I’m not about to completely waste my money.

            First of all, why would you put the possessed girl in the car?  She’s going all contortionist, having seizures and violent outbursts…let’s put her in a tiny vehicle!  That was quite possibly the moment I honestly believed they all deserved to die.  They’d already exposed another priest to the demon and caused him to commit suicide.  Then again, the most disturbing scene in this movie was when David, the American priest, is starting to show signs of possession.  He is due to perform a baptism.  You can probably see where this is heading.  Well, Michael the camera guy goes with him (conveniently) to record this.  David baptizes the baby and beings the Immersion baptism, which is where you carefully dip the child in holy water.  Well…he tries to drown the child.

            So, after this horrific and unseen car crash, there’s a typed epilogue, stating that the case is still open and gives a website to visit for more information.  Well, as your friendly neighborhood movie girl, I did go to that website, as well as a few others to do some research.  While The Devil Inside claims to be based off a true story, it is loosely based off a murder case.  Maria Rossi is indeed a real person who did in fact commit murder, but that’s about all the truth there is to the story.  The website given in the movie, www.therossifiles.com, is not about the case.  It’s more of a publicitiy stunt, in this critic’s opinion.  It features clips from the movie, as well as photographs. 

            I cannot believe people found this scary.  It just became so predicable about halfway in that I pretty much knew what would happen.  Then, there are scenes stuck in there that make absolutely no sense whatsoever.  Like, there’s a scene where Isabella freaks out about her keys missing.  There’s another one of her admitting something about Michaels’’ mother cheating on his father.  What does this have to do with the plot?  Why is this mentioned?  Why are none of the questions answered?  Like, why do they keep mentioning to Ben, the British priest, “I know what you did.”  What did Ben do?  Did he kill his uncle? 

            Normally, when I leave a horror film, certain things stick in my mind and make me think for hours on end.  After leaving The Devil Inside, I wanted to take a nap.  I was sleepy.  I went to the bank and thought, “I know what would be scarier than that film.”  You know what I would be more frightened of?

            Clowns

            Hobo with a shotgun

            Bridges

            Parking garages

            Justin Bieber’s unexplainable success

            Lindsay Lohan’s Playboy spread

            Paris Hilton somehow staying famous

            Hobo clowns with shotguns on a bridge

           

            I’m sorry this review has to be so angry and hate filled, but I want you to save your money and skip this cinematic abomination.  Go see Beauty and the Beast in 3D.  Go see something with Nicolas Cage in it.  Spend time with your loved ones.  Buy a puppy.  Watch an episode of Law and Order.  Do something other than see The Devil Inside.  If you want to see a freaky video about demonic possession, look on YouTube.  There’s some freaky stuff on there.

            Seriously, skip The Devil Inside.  I cannot stress that enough.  I wasted my money on it, but you shouldn’t.

            I’m TheCinemaChick and I’m sorry for this way too long rant, but it had to be done.

            Don’t see The Devil Inside.  It’s bad…really, REALLY bad.