The Devil Inside? Pass.

            Happy Friday the Thirteenth to you, my lovely reader!  I am known internationally as TheCinemaChick and I love seeing movies.  As you might not know, I have spent the past week in quarantine as I like to call it.  I’ve been sick, but now I’m better, so I celebrated by going to see a movie today.  Normally, Friday the Thirteenth is a very good day for me, but I guess my luck ran out.  The movie I saw today sucked.

            Plus…my birthday is on the fifteenth.  I’m going to be 27.

            I’m old.

            Anyway, to celebrate the end of my sickness and my upcoming birthday, I decided to see The Devil Inside, which was a mistake.  I know, it’s a surprise hit at the box office and people are applauding it for being so scary, but it’s not.  Maybe I’m just desensitized or I’m used to the Hollywood horror film formula…everything labeled horror comes off as a joke to me.  This one was no exception.

            I can see how the concept of demonic possession would scare people or even seeing how creepy an exorcism might be.  Beyond that, there’s nothing in this film to scare people.  It was predictable, choppy and a complete ripoff.  Basically, if you’ve seen “Blair Witch Project” or any of the “Paranormal Activity” films, you’ve already seen this one.  It’s not new, it’s not exciting…it’s not even interesting.

            For most of the movie, I was yawning or on the verge of sleep.  The parts meant to cause a fright were completely ineffective.  In total, there were four exorcisms, one of which took place off screen, before the film had even begun.  Then it goes into a very long, very boring documentary.  It focuses heavily on Isabella, who is very wooden.  Good thing this is supposed to be another “found footage” film because that’s the only way she can act.  Everything about her came off as faked or forced.

            Then there’s Maria Rossi, the whole reason this thing got started.  She’s barely in the movie.  I know, she’s all over the posters and commercials, but she’s such a minor character in the overall plot that she’s forgotten.  Instead, the demon apparently seems to be able to jump around, landing in several other people.

            I know, I normally avoid spoilers but honestly, I’m trying to talk everyone out of seeing this movie.  It’s a waste of money and time.

            I mean, I spent four dollars on this and I feel cheated.  I went in expecting a frightening demonic possession movie but got something less entertaining than Blair Witch.  I would much rather sit through all the Paranormal Activitiy movies followed by The Blair Witch Project than see The Devil Inside again.  It’s that bad.

            Like I said, it’s an overdone, predictable fake documentary that shouldn’t have happened.  It cost a million dollars to make but it seriously looks much cheaper.  It could have been a bad student film.  Seriously, I could probably go down to Austin, Texas, find some screenwriter and amateur actors and produce something similar for a lot less.  I could probably make a scarier film than this.  At least my version would have better acting.

            And then the ending…oh man…better get yourself a drink and a snack for this one.  I could go on a major rant here.

            The ending was like giving the entire audience the middle finger and laughing at us for paying to see this.  First off, they build tension by having Isabella possessed by  a demon and get her in a car.  The camera man, Michael, is driving when she attacks him and tries to strangle him.  Immediately, he is now that carrier for the demon.  WHAT THE HELL????  Demons are like the cold?  You touch someone and it passes on like a germ?  Did they run out of money at this point and throw together something that seemed halfway plausible?  Seriously, this is so ridiculous that it deserves my anger towards it.

            So, now that Michael, who has also barely appeared in front of the camera, is possessed, he decides that he’s going to do the worst possible thing he can do.  He drives the car into oncoming traffic.  Since someone planted three cameras in the car, we get to experience the wreck.  Not that it really matters since all you get is black screen, fuzzy picture, black screen, fuzzy picture, screaming, black screen.  It’s so choppy and frenzied that I stopped caring.  I would have gotten up and left, but I paid for this.  I’m not about to completely waste my money.

            First of all, why would you put the possessed girl in the car?  She’s going all contortionist, having seizures and violent outbursts…let’s put her in a tiny vehicle!  That was quite possibly the moment I honestly believed they all deserved to die.  They’d already exposed another priest to the demon and caused him to commit suicide.  Then again, the most disturbing scene in this movie was when David, the American priest, is starting to show signs of possession.  He is due to perform a baptism.  You can probably see where this is heading.  Well, Michael the camera guy goes with him (conveniently) to record this.  David baptizes the baby and beings the Immersion baptism, which is where you carefully dip the child in holy water.  Well…he tries to drown the child.

            So, after this horrific and unseen car crash, there’s a typed epilogue, stating that the case is still open and gives a website to visit for more information.  Well, as your friendly neighborhood movie girl, I did go to that website, as well as a few others to do some research.  While The Devil Inside claims to be based off a true story, it is loosely based off a murder case.  Maria Rossi is indeed a real person who did in fact commit murder, but that’s about all the truth there is to the story.  The website given in the movie, www.therossifiles.com, is not about the case.  It’s more of a publicitiy stunt, in this critic’s opinion.  It features clips from the movie, as well as photographs. 

            I cannot believe people found this scary.  It just became so predicable about halfway in that I pretty much knew what would happen.  Then, there are scenes stuck in there that make absolutely no sense whatsoever.  Like, there’s a scene where Isabella freaks out about her keys missing.  There’s another one of her admitting something about Michaels’’ mother cheating on his father.  What does this have to do with the plot?  Why is this mentioned?  Why are none of the questions answered?  Like, why do they keep mentioning to Ben, the British priest, “I know what you did.”  What did Ben do?  Did he kill his uncle? 

            Normally, when I leave a horror film, certain things stick in my mind and make me think for hours on end.  After leaving The Devil Inside, I wanted to take a nap.  I was sleepy.  I went to the bank and thought, “I know what would be scarier than that film.”  You know what I would be more frightened of?

            Clowns

            Hobo with a shotgun

            Bridges

            Parking garages

            Justin Bieber’s unexplainable success

            Lindsay Lohan’s Playboy spread

            Paris Hilton somehow staying famous

            Hobo clowns with shotguns on a bridge

           

            I’m sorry this review has to be so angry and hate filled, but I want you to save your money and skip this cinematic abomination.  Go see Beauty and the Beast in 3D.  Go see something with Nicolas Cage in it.  Spend time with your loved ones.  Buy a puppy.  Watch an episode of Law and Order.  Do something other than see The Devil Inside.  If you want to see a freaky video about demonic possession, look on YouTube.  There’s some freaky stuff on there.

            Seriously, skip The Devil Inside.  I cannot stress that enough.  I wasted my money on it, but you shouldn’t.

            I’m TheCinemaChick and I’m sorry for this way too long rant, but it had to be done.

            Don’t see The Devil Inside.  It’s bad…really, REALLY bad.