Woodworking

Hello everyone, I'm your friendly neighborhood movie reviewer, TheCinemaChick.

You're probably wondering what movie I'm going to talk about it today, well...I'm not.

I'm actually hoping to promote someone else, instead of going on and on and on about my lack of social life and how I spend more time than I should at the movie theater.  You know its bad when you spend so much time at the place that you decide you might as well work there.  I turned in an application last week.

As you can see by my title, I'm going to showcase some art.  It's all for sale and it's all handmade, which just makes it all the more awesome.  I've thought about taking a stab at it, but I'm too paranoid about losing a finger. It's like that with skiing too.  Don't want to break a bone.

Here's a link, so click it!
http://www.etsy.com/shop/glrivera2004?ref=pr_shop_more



The picture you see is a tree made from African Mahogany.  Pretty cool isn't it?  I wish I had some close up detailed shots of it, but I don't.  But I can say from first hand...viewing, I guess, that the detail is amazing.  I've watched all the pieces be made and seen how much work goes into every piece.



And the Cross Puzzle, one of my personal favorites.  If you enjoy a good challenge, go for this.  I worked with it for about 45 minutes before getting a picture of where the pieces should go and I had to work for another 30 minutes before it was finished.  There are easier puzzles and some that are excellent for children.

So, what does TheCinemaChick think?
It's totally awesome.  I'd buy some...if I had the money.  Plus, I get to enjoy it on a daily basis.  I have a penguin and baby sitting on my TV.  I do love penguins.

need the link again?  Scroll up and click it.  Click away my reader!



And for those of you wondering that movie is next on my list...it's Paul.  Butterfly paid for my Suckerpunch ticket and  owe him.  I said pick any movie, I'd pay and he chose Paul.  This should be...*sigh*.

Well, I'm TheCinemaChick and I'm signing off for now.
From me and all my movie buddies, I bid you happy movie watching.

(And click the link!)

Suckerpunch...part I

Hello, I'm your friendly neighborhood movie reviewer, TheCinemaChick.  Tonight's main attraction is the much hyped, very anticipated, Suckerpunch.  As you can see by my title, I don't really know what to say about this.  I'm afraid to give away too much but I want to attempt to dive into this.  Butterfly, my faithful just friend movie buddy joined me tonight.  He also spotted my ticket, so I now have to suffer through the Pegg/Frost abomination of an alien movie, Paul.

Joy.

First of all, forget everything you've seen in the trailers for this film.  That's right, abandon it.  That stuff...barely a tiny taste of what's actually going on in the movie.    You've all seen the pigtailed blond chick, Babydoll.  She's the main character of the story...sort of.  It turns out her mother died and hers stepfather, who I'm calling Daddy Rape-face attempts to molest and/or rape her little sister.  I think...It's not really clarified.  Babydoll is shipped off to the Lennox House for Mentally Unstable Girls.  Don't confuse this with the Xavier Institute for Gifted Youngsters.

Here we have our first problem.  It's not an asylum.  No hints, just...believe me on this one.  The girls do suffer and are forced to do things they don't want but overall, life seems pretty nice.  Other than the bizarre Japanese school girl uniforms, things seem normal.  The overseer is corrupt, the dance teacher is kind and the cook is a pervert.  See, normal.  Nothing out of the ordinary here.  Oh, except Babydoll has been ordered by Daddy Rape-face to get a lobotomy.

This is a high point.

Since this film JUST came out, I can't say much about it, other than, it was an experience.  It's styled a lot like 300 and Watchmen, mainly because the people that did the aforementioned films did this one.  It does have a comic book vibe too it, along with an "Am I watching a movie or an anime?" feel.

I don't know what to say.  I literally am at a loss for words.  I didn't hate it but I didn't like it.  I'm confused and not sure what to think about it.

Just so you're prepared, think...If Chicago, Lord of the Rings, Apocalypse Now, Sailor Moon, 300 and Watchmen had a bastard child in fetish costumes, this movie would be it.

It is a literal sucker punch.  The ending was a surprise and a letdown for me.


I'm going to revisit this film in a week.  After people have had a chance to see it so I won't spoil it for anyone. I do hate spoilers.  I have tons more to say, trust me, but not yet.

Patience, my pretties.

Until then, I'm TheCinemaChick, bidding you an enjoyable movie experience

Limitless Dance!

Hey everyone, I'm your local, friendly movie reviewer, TheCinemaChick.  And today, you, my lovely reader are in for a treat.. Not only am I joined by my usual movie buddy, Fry, but I also have butterfly contributing to this post.  And on top of all that, I'm introducing a new friend to the mix.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to announce that Butterfly's friend Joe is now a contributor.  So, welcome Joe!

Our first movie is Limitless.  I'll admit, I was fairly apprehensive about seeing this.  It wasn't something I was dying to see and I wasn't thrilled at the price I paid for the ticket.  Even as the movie began, I was wishing I was seeing something else.  As the film progressed, I was hooked.  It was freaking awesome.  I mean, there were twists and turns that I couldn't predict.  The previews do not do it justice.

Limitless begins with Bradley Cooper as Edward Morra.  He goes by Eddie.  Eddie is trying to write a book, which isn't going so well and his girlfriend leaves him.  While walking down the street, he runs into Vern, his ex-wife's brother.  Vern use to be a drug dealer but claims to be legitimate now.  Well, Vern offers to help Eddie with his little problem.  There is a tiny clear pill, called NZT, which looks like a button.  Eddie takes it and his mental capacity skyrockets.  He's smarter, more focused and organized.  So, NZT is pretty much super-Ritalin.  The movie goes on and he becomes so incredibly successful that major financial moguls are trying to get him to work for them.  Robert De Niro lands that honor.

However, there is a major downside to NZT.  Like any medication, if it's not taken properly, it will cause harm.  Not eating or taking it on a regular basis causes intense pain, vomiting and memory loss.  Eddie learns this the hard way.  I can't say what he did or how you see this because this film literally just came out and I want people to have the opportunity to experience for themselves.

I really, really want to say so much more about Limitless, but like I said, it just came out.  I can actually find very few faults in it.  It does drag and there are some scenes that felt like they'd last forever and population control would have been nice.  Other than that, the plot is killer and the visual effects were genius.  I normally don't approve of the use of a fish-eye lens, but the way it was used here was genius.  I loved it and I would gladly see it again.

Butterfly, Joe and I agreed that we loved the film, though the ending left us unsatisfied.  It is left open for a sequel, which I hope never happens.  The ending gave us closure and a sense of finality.  I know, I know, I've been hating everything I see lately, but then came Limitless.  It may be early to declare this, but I would say this movie deserves and Oscar nod for adapted screenplay and for visual effects.

We agree that everyone should see Limitless.  It's just that good

===================================================================

And now for a movie you probably wouldn't expect me to see...Lord of the Dance 3D
Fry talked me into this one and once again, I loved it.

It started off without a roughly 20 minute interview with Micheal Flatley.  Well, more like a narration of how he came up with the dance troupe and how he chased his dream and succeeded.  It was quite surprising and very inspirational.  Then the rest of the film is the actual Lord of the Dance show.  I'll admit, the 3D didn't exactly add anything to the overall movie, but damn was it awesome.  I'm also not a huge fan of the show, but again, it just looks so cool.  Flatley delivered an amazing performance, along with the entire troupe.  There was a storyline (I assume that's what it was) and different types of Irish dance.

Side note: I'm going to be more detailed on this film because it is on a limited run.  Plus...I saw it today whereas Limitless was last night.  I have a lot going on.

Fry comments that she "like the Irish step dancing stuff, the plot was confusing at times, Michael was bizzarely fascinating."

Like I said, there is sort of a plot.  There is a villain who doesn't get a name until the credits and even then I don't know what it is.  He looks like a swat team guy with a spiked helmet and a sleeping mask with eyeholes.  Fry named him Bowser, I call him Captain Charisma (not to be confused with Christian from the WWE).  We also have Frenchie, who is a woman who wears what appears to be latex costumes and the White Swan, who was a blond woman who always wore white.  And of course, Micheal Flatley.

The set was incredible and the dancing was amazingly fantastic.  Those dancers are like machines.  I did notice a couple of tiny errors but overall, they are flawless.  The costumes are so cool, though when Bowser/Captain Charisma's dancers show up, they're a mix of SWAT and Tron.  Still cool.
I forgot to mention Skittles.  She (possibly he, I'm not sure) shows up at random times with a pennywhistle.  It becomes an important feature later on, during the "fight" scene.

Oh yes and if you are having a dance fight, don't twirl around like a ballerina.  You lose about 50 points of masculinity.

As I type this, Fry and I are already making plans to see it again, which is something we rarely ever do.  It may be silly and it may just be a movie about a guy dancing, but it's just so darn cool to watch.

Still on the menu is Suckerpunch with Butterfly, possibly The Lincoln Lawyer, Hanna, Thor...the possibilities are endless!

Well, this has been moderately short, compared to my other reviews, but please do stay tuned!

I'm TheCinemaChick and on behalf of all my movie buddies (Butterfly, Kit Kat, Fry and Joe) I bid you a pleasant movie experience.

Beastly...well, yes it is.

Hi everyone, it's TheCinemaChick again.  Today I'm going to be talking about the modern take on an old classic, Beastly.  Sadly, Fry was not feeling so well, so she went home but I was forutenately joined by my friend Butterfly.  Butterfly is a year younger than me and he's been my friend since high school.   Yes, I did say he.  You see, several years ago, he showed up at my house and my mother told me to come downstairs to see the butterfly on the porch.  Confused, I did as told, only to hear him saying "butterfly, butterfly".  Since then, that's what I call him.

I will admit this flat out before we delve into the plot.  I don't like Alex Pettyfer.  He doesn't have much of a personality when he acts, he's not attractive and I don't see his appeal.  I didn't like him in Twilight for men AKA I Am Number Four.
I haven't seen anything Vanessa Hudgens has been in.  She is well known for her role in the High School Musical series.  Well, I'm in my late 20s, so those movies are way too young for me.  I will admit, I've heard her sing, which wasn't terribly impressive, but I'm not her target audience.

And now the movie, Beastly.
As you've seen by the previews, it's about a boy named Kyle (Pettyfer) who is taught to believe that looks are everything.  Congratulations, you managed to pull off a vapid, shallow asshole (pardon my language) who dislikes anyone who is not up to his standards.  Alex Pettyfer, stick to this role.  We begin by seeing Kyle run for president of the Green Committee, an eco friendly committe in his high school.  Almost immediately, we are also introduced to Kendra, played by Mary Kate Olsen.  Kyle manages to rouse his fellow peers by proudly announcing "Pretty people just get it better".  I'll go into why that pisses me off later.
After the speech, where we also learn that Lindy (Hudgens) is running for treasurer, we see that posters of Kyle have been vandalized.  Kendra makes no attempt to hide that she was the one who did it.  They have a brief moment, he invites her to a party the next night and they part ways.  At this party, Lindy is working, Kyle gives her a white rose and they take a photo together.  Right before this, Kyle yelled at his housekeeper Zola for getting the rose when he demanded an orchid.  Remember Zola, the Jamaican housekeeper.  Well, Kendra shows up, Kyle humiliates her in front of everyone and she curses him.  Kendra tells him to "embrace the suck", which was his catchphrase.  He becomes ill, stumbling from the building and goes home, only to wake up and find that he is *gasp* ugly.  You see his face in the previews, so there's no need to describe it here.
Kyle falls into a huge depression.  His father, who is a local news anchor, buys him a house away from everything and pretty much abandons him.  Parental abandonment becomes a big part of this movie.  Months pass and Kyle can't do anything because he's just so upset about this.  Keep in mind he only has a year to make someone fall in love with him.  Way to waste time, buddy.  As he goes all emo, he begins to stalk Lindy.  Seriously.  He gets her address and stands outside her apartment building and watches her.  Then he follows her, only to find out that her dad is a drug addict.  There is an altercation and he offers to take her in to protect her from the drug dealer.
I should also mention that Kyle's father has hired a tutor since Kyle won't go to school.  Will, the tutor, is played by Neil Patrick Harris.  I will discuss my love of him in a bit.  Lindy hates living in the house, missing school and her friends.  Kyle tries to buy her love, but it fails.  Zola tells him to think about what she likes and not just buy expensive things.  Then again, Zola is one of the likable characters.  She's an immigrant who had to leave her three children behind because they can't get green cards.  Will is blind.  This is important to know, so remember this too.
So Kyle, now going by Hunter, falls hard for Lindy and goes to insane lengths to be nice to her.  He reveals his face to her and even builds her a greenhouse for roses.  She slowly warms up to him and they get closer and closer.  They even venture to his lake house where she recieves a call telling her that her father has overdosed.  He lets her leave with a very, very, very long letter he's written her, basically confessing his love for her.  She tries to call him over and over, but her ignores her.  Finally, he braves the world and goes to the school where she is about to leave for a trip to Machu Pichu.  She says "I love you" and he returns to his pretty self.  Lindy comes out of the school looking for him, only to find that Hunter is really Kyle.  They kiss and it ends.

Sounds great, doesn't it?
And now it's time for things I don't like.

I did enjoy the movie a litte.  I think the message that beauty isn't purely physical is an important one to convey to everyone, but the movie failed to do so.  Yes, Kyle gets his looks back and still gets the girl, but to me that just proves that pretty people really do get everything they want.  I mean come on, our main characters are played by young, attractive people.  This wouldn't happen if you put a real person in there.
Another thing that annoyed me, even though it was small is a chronological problem.  Kyle has a tattoo on his arm with a rose bush on it.  Kendra tells him when the flowers bloom again, his year will be up.  At one point, this tattoo becomes a Christmas tree, complete with lights and a star.  However, there is no indication that it's the holiday season.  In fact, after this scene happens, there is another scene where there is snow on the ground.  I don't understand how we are supposed to believe that its Christmas when in the movie they have just passed Halloween.  Maybe I'm the only one who noticed that or perhaps it snows only in February where this movie was filmed.  I don't know.

What did I love about this movie?
Mary Kate Olsen as Kendra the witch.  She has the right costume and attitude for the part.  True, she doesn't show emotions, but that's the character.  Everything about her said "I'm too cool for you and you're going to suffer because of what you did to me".  However, she does have compassion.  At one point, Kyle runs to her and begs for more time.  She says he has one year, no exceptions because he still only thinks of himself.  Kyle then admits that he thinks about a woman who can't see her children and a man who has no sight.  He asks that Zola's children get their green cards and that Will get his sight back.  Kendra agrees to grant that if he is successful
Neil Patrick Harris.  He is a quirky man.  I'm a fan of him already and this helped me like him even more.  The character of Will has accepted that he's blind and still leads a happy life.  He makes several jokes about being blind because he knows it irks Kyle.  Like, there is a scene where Will is selecting a tie and chooses one purely by the feel of the material.  He knows Kyle is watching him so he says "Blindy's got still got a sense of style."  Later, when he tries to teach poetry to Kyle and Lindy, he is trying to get to the green house, which I forgot to mention is on the roof.  You hear him calling up the stairs "Blind guy coming up the stairs.  Blind guy tripping."  He is hilarious.
I would even go so far as saying that Will is a good representation of the blind community.  I do have a dear friend who is blind and I think she would appreciate this character.

What made me truly happy is that Kendra sticks to her promise.  After Kyle gets the girl and his looks, we see a blurry image of a card that becomes sharper in a matter of seconds.  Then we see Will saying he needs to wake up and stop dreaming.  Zola is holding more cards, green cards for her family.  I was overjoyed that Kyle did something so kind for the two people that stuck with him throughout this entire ordeal.

My final comment is the ending.  We finally get to see Kyle's dad again with some random assitant.  She mentions the new intern, who can "work magic"  Kyle's dad doesn't care, so long as she is easy on the eyes.  The elevator opens and all you see is a pair or black platforms stepping out.  The audiences knows that it's Kendra.

So, based on my recently made up rating system, what do I think?

Despite all the things I didn't like about it, I would say to go see this if you can swing a matinée. Even though it has it's problems and the message doesn't quite get across, it's still a good show.

Go see it for Vanessa Hudgens and Neil Patrick Harris.

Butterfly enjoyed the movie as well and didn't have much to add.  We're already planning on seeing Sucker Punch next week.  And just to toss this out there, Butterfly is just a friend.  We're not dating or anything.

So, there you go, Sucker Punch is on my list, possibly Battle: Los Angeles, Limitless and The Lincoln Lawyer as well.  I was surprised to hear that The Lincoln Lawyer was selling out at my theater.  People were lining up to see it.  If it's that good, I should see it, but I will wait another week to do so, so the theater won't be crowded.

Well, I'm TheCinemaChick and on behalf of Butterfly, Fry and Kit Kat, I bid you happy movie watching.

My, what a big box office take you have

Hello fellow moviegoers, I'm TheCinemaChick and I check out movies so you know what's going on.  Tonight, I'm taking on two classic fairy tales.  Let's talk about Little Red Riding Hood and Beauty and The Beast.  That's right, I saw Red Riding Hood and Beastly today.  Without further ado...here we go.

Once upon a time, in a movie theatre far far away, there were two girls.  One was a movie fan who loved to write reviews and the other one was in it for the eye candy.  They were friends, though they were very different people.  Their names were TheCinemaChick and Fry.

Ok, I can't write like I'm in a fairy tale.  I'm too much of a realist.  But yes, Fry and I watched Red Riding Hood earlier today.  We even took notes after the film.  Overall, it was decent.  It's not scary, it's not terribly suspenseful, but I did enjoy it.  We get a movie with  some surprising twists that I won't reveal in case you want to see it and don't want me spoiling it for you.  As you've seen by the previews, Amanda Seyfried plays the lead character, who is named Valerie.  Personally, I don't think the name fit the film, but I didn't write this.
My first problem came with the opening scene.  It's a wide sweeping shot, which is called an establishing shot.  I did take a year of film classes, so I do know something about cinematography.  It is a beautiful shot of mist and trees, HOWEVER, it looked too much like Twilight.  I will admit, Catherine Hardwick directed this and she is the same person who directed the sparkly vampire movie that I am not a fan of.  Get used to this bird's eye views of expanses of land, you'll see them a lot in 100 minutes.
We get a tiny prequel after the credits, which by the way, Leonardo DiCaprio worked on this film.  That adds a dose of awesomeness to this.  We see Valerie with her friend Peter.  They sneak off into a sunny meadow (sound familiar?) and trap a cute little white bunny.  Valerie hands it to Peter, but he can't kill it, so he makes her do it.  This scene is important, it comes into play later.  We skip ahead about 13 years so everyone is grown up.  Valerie is the hot girl in the village with her lovely blond hair.  I did notice that the is the only blonde woman, not counting her mother.  Everyone else is either a redhead or brunette.  Along with Valerie, we have her two potential love interests, Henry, who will wear mostly light colors and Peter the dark, brooding boy with the badass appeal.
Here's a thought.  Henry is like the medieval Edward and Peter is the medieval Jacob.
Well, Valerie's sister gets killed by the wolf, so the men go hunting and kill it.  The stick its head on a pike, happy that their troubles will be over.  Oh happy day!
Wrong.  If that were the case, I would have just spent four bucks on about ten minutes of a film.  While in a tavern, Father Auguste (played by Lukas Haas) informs the tavern that he has summoned Gary Oldman, I mean Solomon.  Solomon is known for being able to kill werewolves.  The mean decide they don't need him, even though this problem has apparently been going on for over twenty years.  Um...seems to me that if you have a rogue werewolf that's been killing people for two decanes and you haven't solved it yet, shouldn't you call in a backup?  I mean if you can't kill it after this long...hell, if I see ants for more than two days I call in the expert, but maybe they have trouble finding people for the village since it is out in the middle of nowhere.
Sounds like the college I went to.
Solomon arrives with a giant, I assume is ceramic, elephant and his two daughters.  They aren't given names, and you never see them again, so there is no need to bother talking about them.  Solomon admits he killed his wife while drunk because he and his friends were drunk and went to hunt the werewolf.  He cut off its paw, took it home and saw that his wife was bleeding.  It turns out, she was the wolf.  He had her hand.  To make things even creepier, he keeps the hand to show to people.
The village throws a massive celebration because they have a wolf head on a stick.  At this point, Peter has told Valerie he doesn't want her because she is engaged to Henry through an arranged marriage by her mother.  Everything about this screams Twilight, only in a medieval setting.  Taylor Lautner was even considered to play Peter.  Oh yeah...irony.
Not shockingly, the wolf shows up, kills people and Gary Oldman tries to kill it.  I wondered if Solomon had a breathing problem because he sounded like a German man with asthma.  He was quite wheezy.  Well, they don't kill the wolf, but end up having to kill one of his guards who was bitten.  This mythology says that you can't become a werewolf by a scratch, you have to be bitten during the blood moon.  Conveniently, it's the blood moon.  Everyone runs and hides.  Valerie is with her friend Prudence when the wolf comes up to her.  To her surprise, Valerie can hear the wolf.  Yes, all werewolves have telepathy.  He wants her to run away with him, to live in happiness somewhere else.  I have a problem with this too.
You're going to spend a lot of time wondering who the wolf is.  It could be Henry or it might be Jacob, I mean Peter.  Could it be Valerie's mother or grandmother?  What if it's Father Auguste?  Well...it's not Father Auguste.  He dies.  The only clue you are given is the wolf's message and the fact that his human eyes are dark brown.  And then we have more paranoia and speculation which culminates in the famous lines.  "My what big eyes/ears/teeth you have".

I'm going to stop here because at this point, we have the climax.  You learn who the wolf is, what Amanda's connection to it is, who she ends up with and basically, I still think it's too much like Twilight.  Only in Red Riding Hood, she won't end up with a disco ball vampire boyfriend.

So, Fry and I agreed that visually, we loved it.  The setting is pretty authentic and I loved the costumes.  We also agree on how we did not see that ending.  Guess all you want, but the wolf is not who you think it  is.  Fry would also like to say that she enjoyed the hot guys in the film.  I will admit that brooding Peter was hot and so was Father Auguste, but I don't see movies for eye candy.  It was a really good interpreation of a classic childhood story with a good modern edge to it.  I managed to pay attention and not get bored too much during the film.
However, this movie was too Twilight-y for me.  You might as well name the characters Bella, Edward and Jacob.  They have no personality, the don't really show any emotions and they didn't convince me that they were good.  Poor Gary Oldman can't hold an accent either.  Count how many times he switches from German to English.
My biggest problem is that some things are left unanswered.  Where did Solomon's children go?  They show up, you see them and they are carted off.  *Spoiler* Solomon gets bitten and is killed, so what happens to his girls?  Why does Grandmother live in the middle of the forest by herself?  How did she not know who the wolf was (hint).  And what was up with the spiked trees?  Did they plan on killing someone by throwing them against a tree?
And most importantly, why Catherine Hardwick?

Now, to help you with my blogs, I have developed a ratings system.  Here it is, from highest to lowest:
Would pay full price for it
Matinee worthy
Dollar theater
DVD rental
Don't even bother with Redbox

Fry and I came to the same conclusion.  Go see it during a matinee or at the dollar theater.  Yes it's good, but it's not "Oh my gosh, that's effing fantastic!"  It was simply acceptable.  It's not a horror, it's just a Twilight ripoff.

Well, I'm TheCinemaChick and on behalf of myself and Fry, I bid you happy movie watching.

A Double Dose of Mediocrity!

Hello, I'm your friendly neighborhood moviegoer, TheCinemaChick!


As you can see by my title, I've got two films to discuss in this one.  Today I watched both Rango and I Am Number Four.  So yes, I spent a good five hours in my local theater to see two movies that weren't exactly spectacular.  While they are not complete failures, they aren't something I'd like to see again and again or own on DVD for that matter.  So here we go, on the the movies.


Now, I was pretty excited to see Rango.  I'm a fan of Johnny Depp and I'll admit that I've seen pretty much every movie he's ever made.  He's incredibly versatile as an actor.  Now, as you have seen in the previews, it's an animated romp through a make believe town.  If you're not a fan of westerns, you'll actually like this.  Like many cartoons, it's got sight gags and bad humor running throughout the entire thing.


Here's what I think.
It wasn't bad, but it wasn't really good.  We start off with a lizard performing what I assume was Shakespeare in a tank when the car hits a bump and the tank falls out.  He meets Roadkill (that is the flattened armadillo's name. Look it up.) who tells him he needs to find enlightenment.  Rango ventures through the desert, dodging foes and sleeping in a pipe that flushes him out.  He then meets Beans.  Again, I'm serious.  His love interest is named Beans, because her father loved beans.  She takes him back to the city of Dirt, where there is a water shortage.  The citizens of Dirt are desperate for water and even do a rain dance, which takes place every Wednesday at noon to get some water from a rusty spigot.  For some reason, the spigot has run dry and the bank only has 5 days worth.


Rango is made the sheriff after lying about who he is in order to fit in with his surroundings.  This should be a joke since he is a chameleon, but it's not so funny.  The animals are never identified, you just have to guess at what they are.  10 points if you guess what Beans is without looking it up.  So, as the sheriff, Rango embarks on a journey to find the water.


Ok, since this movie, JUST came out, I'm not going to delve into the plot much.  I want to give everyone a chance to see it and form their own opinion.  I did enjoy it and I would see it again with someone who hasn't seen it.


However, I would not take small children to see this.  There is cursing, alcohol references and lots of smoking.  Not to mention, a lot of guns, mild violence and several characters die.  The voice cast is amazing.  Isla Fischer didn't quite cut it as a Southern girl in a western town, but she passes.  Same goes for Bill Nighy.  There are little references and visual cues that you'll miss that are actually really funny.


Here's my problem:
No background information is given.  You just pick up in the middle of one thing and go off into another.  Also, we have a population issue.  There are so many characters that I lost track of who was who and what role they played.  Again, this is marketed as a children's movie, but don't take them to see it unless they're over thirteen.  It's a Nickelodeon, not Disney.  Some of the humor is crude and the language wasn't necessary.


Overall, it was just ok.  I liked it but it didn't wow me like I thought it would.  I would say to go see it however.  It's a funny western with a lot of things that kids won't get.  Like, the character Wounded Bird, who is literally a wounded bird.


Go forth and see Rango.








Now...I Am Number Four.
Visually, it was great.  Overall, it was just mediocre.


See, we have children from the planet Lorien who have come to Earth for protection.  The problem is the first three of nine are dead.  In fact, the movie begins with the death of number three.  Here's what I think.  If you're going to introduce us to this fantastical race of aliens and a battle of races, give us background information.  You are literally thrown into this knowing nothing.  After the first death, Number Four (known as Daniel, later known as John) feels the death of his...well, I don't know the relation of the numbers.  I guess they're siblings in a way.  Number Four has a light shine out of his calf, causing alarm with his lady friend that is in the water with him.  The next day, Henri, his guardian, tells him it's time to move on so they can remain hidden.  So they head to paradise.
Paradise, Ohio.
Here's the time when I start having some real problems with the movie.  Henri and John move into a house with a foreclosure sign in the yard.  Somehow, they have running water, electricity and internet.  Never explains how or why this is possible.  Welcome to a plot hole.  There will be tons more.  So, while John Smith adjust to yet another new life, we see his old house on the beach being torched by a bad ass looking, blonde biker chick.  She's important, so remember her.  Well, John falls for Sarah, a local photographer who is one of those "I'm so pretty, but I don't think I am" kinds of girls.  I hate that.  We get it, you're hot, but you're misunderstood so no one gets you.  Poor girl.
John has a run in with the popular kids, befriends the school nerd and still manages to keep the girl, even when his powers begin to show up.  He can make light with his hands.  Yes, he's a human flashlight.  But, forget about the powers for now because they won't show up again for a long time.  Typical teenage human activities ensue.  Oh, there is also the antagonist, a small group of hunters, the Mogadorians.  I called them shark men, because that's what they are.  They also don't show up much until the end.  I would say all of the action occurs in the final twenty minutes.
The bad ass blonde biker chick returns and announces that she's Number Six.  Number Five...who knows.  There is a pretty awesome fight scene with alien technology and super powers.  Six, AKA Jane Doe (yeah, John Smith and Jane Doe, go figure) has the power to teleport.  They defeat the Mogadorians and decided to go in search of the others, leaving Sarah, the nerd and everyone alone in Paradise.


I have a few questions that were never answered.
What happened in Lorien?
Who are the Mogadorians?
Why do the Mogadorians hate the Loriens?
What happened to Numbers 1,2,5,6,7,8 and 9?
What's going to happen to Sarah?
Where is Sam (the nerds) dad?
Why is Sam's dad so important to the plot?
What is so important about the box Henri keeps showing John?
Why was Alex Pettyfer cast as an 18 year old when he looks 28?


In short, don't bother with this one.  It's three quarters high school romance flick, one quarter alien action.  It will leave you confused and unsure what to think.  


In the film's defense, I did not know it was based on a book.  Having not read the book, that may be a reason why this movie didn't sit right with me.  I don't know.  I'm just throwing it out there.  But yes, do not waste your money on it.  


And finally, this movie is the dude's Twilight.  The acting was terrible and no one ever shows emotion.  I hate Twilight because the books are poorly written and the films are boring for me.  I know some people love this series, but I do not.  I Am Number Four, the film, is so much like Twilight, it's not even funny.  Even John has the mannerisms of Bella in several scenes.


I wanted to like this movie.  I love a good fantasy, sci fi, superhero film, but this just didn't cut it.  Will there be a sequel?  I hope not.


Well, I have just recieved some sad news and I must sign off for now.  I'm off to a funeral in the next few days, but never fear.  I will return.


Up next...Beastly and Red Riding Hood.