The Twilight Rant Part 5: Breaking Dawn, Looking Ahead

Hello you lovely reader of blogs!  I’m TheCinemaChick and welcome to the final installment of the Twilight rant!  Kit Kat and I are going to talk about Breaking Dawn as a whole.  We’re looking forward and discussing what we want, what we expect and the things we hope aren’t in the film.  So prepare for…whatever it is we’re preparing for and let’s get this done.  Say “buongorno” Kit Kat. 

I’ll say “hola” to all the people out there, this is Kit Kat. Time for the last round with Twi till the actual part one of the movie comes out. So, how do you wanna go about this one CinemaChick? You wanna start with things we want in the movie or things we don’t want?

I guess we’ll tackle the things we want to see first.  For me, that’ll take about three seconds.  I want to see Emmet in a tuxedo.  What would you like to see Kit Kat?

Well, I too want to see Jasper in a tux. But I’d also want to see how they work with the various scenes they should be covering. Truthfully, I don’t have much hope considering the way the last movies have been going. But I’m curious about the honeymoon.

Yes Kit Kat, let’s discuss the honeymoon.  Since we have read the books we know what happens.  The trailers haven’t exactly been subtle about it either.  Basically, be ready for some good old fashion implied sex.  Lots of it.  I mean, didn’t Bella make it clear that she’s dying to hop in bed with Edward throughout Eclipse?  Plus, these movies are what, PG, PG-13 at most?  How is this going to be covered and not be rated R?  The trailer alone has them in bed with Edward breaking the bed in order to restrain himself from hurting her.  Yeah, that’s going to make parents want to take their kids to see it.

That is what I’m the most curious about. In the second part of the Breaking Dawn movie is supposed to have tons of blood in it. If they even do it remotely like the books I doubt the PG-13 rating would fly. Hopefully, they don’t go overkill and make a horror movie look clean.

In any case, I am curious about the showdown with the Volturi and how Renesme is going to turn out. I know they picked who is playing her but I’m still wondering how it’s going to work out.

What I’ve heard is that we’ll see the birth from Bella’s point of view.  Less blood, less violence and no doubt it won’t have the same effect whatsoever.  

As far as the Volturi showdown goes, I couldn’t care less honestly.  The big scene in Breaking Dawn as such a let down in the book.  I wanted some epic fighting and some pretty cool powers, but what I got was a conversation followed by a happily ever after ending.

And lets tackle one huge problem we’re going to have in translation.  Breaking Dawn is told from both Bella and Jacob’s points of view.  Not to mention, Jacob runs off at the end of Eclipse (the book says this) and returns in time for her wedding.  So uh…how’s that going to work?

Maybe they will actually go at it like the book does. That everyone will find out Bella’s pregnant at the end of the first movie and when the second movie starts up we are following Jacob as he comes over to the Cullen household. Seems the most logical to me anyway.

I have a similar idea.  I think it will mostly cover the honeymoon but the movie will end with the scene from the trailer.  Bella touching her stomach, looking to Edward (or possibly the camera) and saying “I’m pregnant” before cutting to the credits.  I’m calling that now.  I predict that after the wedding, we’re not going to get anything about the Cullens or the werewolves.  It’s just going to be a little fantasy romp through paradise with Bella and Edward for two hours.

Well, let’s go to the part that’s longer for you. Things we don’t want to see.

You mean the whole movie?

*Laughs* Well I know that’s how you feel. But I just hope things aren’t as bad as I’m thinking they might be.

I’m just apprehensive.  The entire series is so bland and mediocre and usually when it gets to the last one, it should be amazing and satisfying and leave you wanting more.  Breaking Dawn didn’t do any of that for me.  It left me angry that no matter how stupid Bella is or how many times she put herself in danger or even how many people she hurt, she got exactly what she wanted.  There were no consequences to her actions.  She got Edward, she was turned and she has a family.  

Yes, I’m in a sad agreement here. I want something great, that has that moment where it was all worth it. That everything that led up to that point comes together and you feel a sense of being complete. Thus far, I feel like I could do a better job at directing the movie than everyone who has had a hand it in this far.

I know the second part of the book brings us new vampires from all over the world, but I’m also pretty sure that the movie will gloss over that and spend yet more time on Bella and Edward.  It’s disappointing but let’s face it.  No one wants to see Breaking Dawn for all the potential cool stuff that the book offered.  They pretty much only want to see it for Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart.  I really don’t want to go all psycho critic on a movie I haven’t seen but trust me, I will if I need to.  

However, I’m mellow and I’ll have more to say in a moment.

Well, the majority of the world wants those two. We aren’t in the majority.

Don’t get me wrong, by no means do I hate the actors.  I can’t stand the series.  I loved Robert Pattinson in Water for Elephants and I’ve see a horror movie Jackson Rathbone was in.  Granted, I wasn’t able to eat for days after watching it.  I would see the actors in other films and I would enjoy that.  I think Nikki Reed has potential to achieve greatness.  Ashley Greene would probably do well as a quirky friend in a romantic comedy.  Kellan Lutz…oh Kellan Lutz.  I seriously see great things for the actors, I just wish they weren’t now officially branded “Twilight stars”.  It’s going to be hard for them to shed this image, no matter what they do.  Poor Jackson will always be Jasper now, despite being an accomplished musician.

I fear the same thing for all of them. I can only hope each of these individuals will hit it big some other way and they can make a new name for themselves outside of Twilight. I know that I’m certainly going to see every movie the Jackson Rathbone is in in the future.

Same for me and Kellan Lutz.  I’m already planning to see The Immortals when it comes out.  As for Jackson Rathbone…well, if he does another Last Airbender movie, I won’t see it.  The first one was bad enough.

And to be honest, I prefer these people away from their Twilight personas with the exception of Kristen Stewart.  She’s just so off putting and…awkward.  I cannot for the life of me understand her appeal.

Well, I think that’s about all I have to say. There’s nothing further till I see the movie if I want to see it when it does come out.

Seeing as we have gone way off topic, I agree with Kit Kat.  Well, let’s say our good nights and be on our merry way.

This is Kit Kat, no movie is too good or bad for a movie review.

And I’m TheCinemaChick saying, we got so off topic it’s ridiculous.  

The Twilight Rant Part 4: Eclipse

Greetings to you, you lovely reader of my blog.  I’m TheCinemaChick and once again, Kit Kat and I are bringing you Part Four of the Twilight Rant.  Today we present our thoughts on Eclipse, why Bella is still a failure as a person and why we both love Jasper.  I’m currently in the middle of a huge review day, so if I seem distracted or uninterested, for once, it’s not just because it’s Twilight.  I’m also typing up my Fright Night review and doing my Terrance Zdunich article.  Busy CinemaChick is busy.  Say good day to the people, Kit Kat.

Hey there everyone. I’m Kit Kat and I’m ready to dive right in as always. And maybe cause a little chaos along the way. Let’s get the party started CinemaChick.

Eclipse starts out in Seattle on a dark and stormy night.  How cliché.  This is where we unofficially meet Riley.  He’s just an unassuming guy walking through the city when Victoria attacks and turns him.  It should be dramatic, but it does lose something for me.  It’s like…why do I care?  I know he’ll come into play later but for now, so what?  I don’t even think they show that it is Victoria who turns him, it’s just assumed.

Yeah, I mean, I like that they actually show Riley and we get this tiny glimpse of his human life before he is turned and we see how he is turned. But, this goes back to my age old argument. The only way you’d know it was Victoria that was doing this is if you had read the books. The audience that hasn’t read the books has no way to know how that opening scene plays into the story unless they play connect the dots with the previews that had been playing on tv.

And I try to base this review on a “I did not read the books” point of view.  I am taking everything at face value and only look at the movies.  When this lovely scene is over, we start the movie.  Once again, we are in that freaking meadow, listening to another freaking voiceover where Bella manages to make one of my favorite poems sound like crap.  She and Edward have the stupid “marry me, turn me” talk while she’s trying to study for a final.  Sorry folks, there’s no way I can be nice about this.  We’ve opened every movie in almost the same manner.  I know this is a series but for the love of caffeine, does it have to be this repetitive?

I’m in full agreement. You don’t have to do the same scenes over and over to get it across they are in the same place. We KNOW where they are and we know it’s a series of movies. How about changing it up just a bit? Besides, I still believe no one knows the reason they keep having scenes in the exact same meadow over and over again. I doubt that they will ever throw in that tidbit of info.

Kit Kat, do you know why they keep going to the same meadow over and over?  I would seriously like to know.

Well, I know the reason from the books. I happen to be one of the many that read the series BEFORE seeing the movies. That meadow is “Edward’s meadow”. He doesn’t own it or anything but in the books he mentions that he always came out there for peace and quiet. That was something key that Edward needed because he could constantly hear people’s voices in his head all the time. To have a place to go to where he didn’t hear anything but his own thoughts would be helpful. Hell, I’d have gone insane if I didn’t have a place like that myself if I were in his place.

After this lovely little pastoral scene, we go to the police station where Charlie is investigating a missing person.  From the picture on the post he has, we learn now that the man being attacked in the prologue was Riley Biers. 

FORESHADOWING! 

This is also where we learn that Bella has a free plane ticket to Florida to see her mother, which Charlie encourages her to use.  She agrees…so long as Edward goes with her.  Well, I have to admit, Renee makes some comments that I agree with.  Bella’s mom knows how intense and borderline abusive this relationship is and she’s not even in Forks!  Bella, if your absent mother notices this, why can’t you?

Of course, the only reason Charlie learns of the tickets to Florida is because Edward mentions that they will expire soon. Now, hmmm…why would Edward do something like that I wonder? Well, we aren’t left wondering for long. We cut back to the rest of his family in Forks who is out (you guessed in) in the forest. Alice is seeming to be the leader because she had a vision. She keeps mentioning that this is where she saw this vague “her”. Then, they jump to action and this is where they see that Victoria has tried to make a move and they try to capture her and kill her. Throw in a few artistic jumps, dives and misses for a little “flair” and you have the race to the “ravine” where they show the wolves running along the other side.

Here’s my reaction to this scene: “OH MY GOD!  We get to have a scene without Edward OR Bella?  Thank you cinematic gods!”

We get a nice actiony scene with the Cullens and the wolves, along with some tense moments where Emmet does cross the boundaries.  One of the wolves (Paul, I think) knocks him into the water as a warning.  

My reaction to that: “Fanservice!  Dripping wet Kellan Lutz goodness!  The movie is not a complete loss!”

But of course. I’m very happy to see Jasper get a little more face time with his careful maneuvering. A very nice change up. Lucky for me, I know there is more.

After, this scene we (unfortunately) jump right back into the Edward/Bella scenes. Edward is driving Bella to school and you can see he’s not happy. Then again, when does he? In any case, he asks if Bella will stay in the car, a pointless question, as they spot Jacob Black in the parking lot leaning against his motorcycle. This is where we find out another little bit about Edward. He’s a liar. Yup, he lied about a vision Alice had in the beginning of the movie, got Bella to go to Florida all so she’d be safer from Victoria who was trying to make a move. Jacob seems to be the one that more concerned with her safety than lying to Bella to keep her from being scared. I kinda like that.

Can I please, please, PLEASE go a little full on ranty for a moment with this one Kit Kat?  I’ve been good so far, so I just want one moment…

*Thinks about it* Just a sec. *Goes and gets the lasso and duct tape and comes back* That way I can pull you back later. *Hides behind a rock* Go for it.

*clears throat*

Look, I know millions of teen girls are out there loving this relationship, but lets look at the facts.  It’s abusive.  Edward damn near controls everything she does, has alienated her from her human friends, has caused her massive physical harm, lied to her, works hard to keep her away from Jacob and let’s not forget HE UP AND ABANDONED HER!  Someone look at this and tell me what makes this a healthy relationship.  I don’t think someone loves you if he throws you into a wall, through a table and causes you to get stitches.  Keep in mind, this is after he ditches you in a forest.  I cannot sit back and pretend I’m ok with this whole thing when I’m not.  Edward is controlling and manipulative.  Bella would have been better off with Mike since he’s not as possessive.  Besides, she basically gives the finger to her entire family so she can kill herself in order to become a vampire to live with the first boy who pays attention to her.  Hell, Jacob wanted her to have a life, not die.

Bella is a teenager.  No one knows what they want when they are that age but she thinks she knows everything.  Congratulations Bella Swan, you’re a complete failure as a female and possibly one of the WORST female role models to ever exist.  Because of you, little girls think this kind of relationship is ideal.

*Goes over and ties CinemaChick to a chair* I’ll let you out when we are done. Just kidding everyone.

But she does make valid points. I won’t go back into the whole thing but there are better choices to be made with the way they have set up the movie. When I read the books, I didn’t envision that it would be like this at all. Either I was being naive or they took it too far.

In any case, let’s get back on track.

After Edward’s lie is revealed things oddly go on as normal…well, as normal as this series ever gets. Apparently, Bella is either very forgiving, or she has short term memory loss that she needs to get checked by a doctor since she isn’t angry at Edward anymore for what he did. Literally,  LEAVES THE SCHOOL to go hang out with Jacob. Um, excuse me…but I think ditching school because of a boy is yet another message we don’t want to send to the younger generation of girls.

Great…tied to a chair…still better than watching Twilight again.

Bella goes and spends some time with the wolves.  We’re also introduced to two new ones, Seth and Leah, the children of the Clearwater who died in New Moon.  Leah…well, she’s a bitch.  I can’t think of another way to put it and it’s not a pun.  She’s just so annoying.  Seth is also annoying but he’s annoying in the cute little brother who’s way to eager to get involved way.  I like Seth.  He’s cute. 

So, Jacob declares his love for Bella and kisses her.  I would call this the rape kiss.  She didn’t want it, he forced it and I agree with her.  He deserved to get punched though I laughed when she broke her hand on his face.

I laughed a bit too after I flinched. The sound was painful to hear.

When they get back to Bella’s house a furious Edward is waiting. How? There are too many assumptions to make to figure out how he knew so I’m skipping it. But they start to get into a fight and Charlie has to come out and break it up. And he gives one of the funniest facials of the movie. That flinch when he hears that Jacob kissed Bella and then she broke her hand when she tried to punch him. I started laughing cause even he knew that for Jacob to do that to Bella and think that Edward wouldn’t be furious was insane.

So, of course, Bella gets her speech about how she’s neutral territory like Switzerland before she goes with Edward back to his house so they can get her hand checked out.

So, ALL of this leads up to her high school graduation.  Alice has a party, where she has a vision.  Of course, things can’t ever go as planned and Jacob shows up with Embry and Quil.  Apparently, when someone punches you in the face it means you are no longer invited to a party but Jacob missed that memo.  Of course, the vision tells Alice that an army of newborns are planning on coming for Bella in the next few days.  Horror of all horrors, the Cullens and the werewolves must now work together.  Um…most of the wolves don’t really care about Bella.  It’s just Jacob.  I understand them wanting to fight for the sake of killing vampires but really?  How is the dull as paint drying girl getting all this attention?  And what happened to the party?  Did everyone leave or are they hiding or was there a time skip?

There is just a lot of bad editing in this movie hun. If we went on that track, we’d be here all day and I have a life. Of course, after all of this, we find out that Riley snuck into Bella’s house and steals one of her shirts as the scent for the newborns to follow. And I know this next part makes you happy hun. When we get a scene WITHOUT Edward and Bella. We get to see interactions between Riley and Victoria and how Victoria is totally pulling Riley’s strings. And then later we finally get to see the Volturi looking over Riley and the others and trying to decide what to do. They are well aware that Aro’s thoughts are being watched.

If the Volturi pretty much run the vampire world, why are they allowing Victoria to create an army?  If this isn’t a concern to them, what is?   Yeah we have Jane and the younger ones but that’s it.  Next thing you know, we’re off to a training montage with the Cullens.  So, the vampires and werewolves learn how to fight while Bella just stands there.  

*struggles against the duct tape and chair*

See?  She’s useless!  Utterly and completely, 100% useless!  They won’t even train her to fight in case she needs it in the future!

It’s ok hun. I promise to let you rant later…if you’ll let me rant right now.

Well since you tied me to a chair, there’s nothing I can do to stop you, so go ahead.

*Evil grins*

Ok my turn.

I know we skipped over a few scenes that weren’t with Bella AND Edward but they were so glossed over it hardly matters. The only one is the story she learns from the Quileutes about the Third Wife that sacrifices herself to save her husband during a vampire attack. (Remember this one kiddies, Bella will use this later to do something stupid.) But my rant comes in with the Jasper training scene. Everyone knows I’m team Jasper all the way and this was his one big scene where he was the leader, getting to call the shots. Yeah he finally gets to tell his story when the training is over but it’s all so glossed over unless it’s leads into a scene for more of Kristen Stewart’s bad acting. They could have done so much more with the scene but apparently the nearly abusive love triangle is more important than developing the other characters.

I have to agree with you there, Kit Kat.  Jasper has an incredibly interesting story but it lasts about five minutes.  Out of all the Cullens, his is possibly the most interesting one there is but it’s so condensed that it doesn’t have any emotional impact.  

Here’s an idea.  After Breaking Dawn, let’s have a separate spin off.  Let’s have the story of Jasper Hale before he became a vampire.  Give me his back story because THAT I would watch and be interested in.  Hell, give me something with emotion and feelings that doesn’t have anything to do with Bella and Edward.  I would welcome a Rosalie prequel at this point. 

After all this, we have a scene where I actually laughed.  Edward, Jacob, Jasper and Bella are discussing how to hide her scent when they hide her on a mountain (great idea there) and it’s suggested that Jacob carry her since his scent would overpower hers.  Jacob gets offended when he hears that he stinks like a dog to which Jasper refers to it as his “odor.”  I like Jasper’s reaction to this and his playful expression.  Then it just gets all emo and love triangle again and I lose interest.

And that is why I love Jasper. The problem is, that his growth in the series has been completely overshadowed. Just as it has been for all the characters other than Jacob, Bella and Edward.

So, off to the rest of the emoness.

Bella, rubs her scent on everything, she meets up with Jacob and Edward, and Jacob carries off Bella towards the mountains where they will meet up with Edward. They have a little chit chat about him turning down his buy in to be the pack leader. (Can you tell I’m getting bored? And I liked the books… *sigh*)

So, Jacob ends up having to stay up there with them so he can trade out in the morning with Seth who’s gonna stick around so they can know what’s going on in the battle. However , a snow storm blows through and Bella starts to freeze…not that it’d be a bad thing save for the fact they couldn’t make two more movies. Edward doesn’t like it but Jacob gets to slide into Bella’s sleeping bag and be her “space heater” to keep her warm.

Which ultimately leads to the films climax.  Honestly, if this is the climax, every actor in the movie is faking it.  It’s supposed to be this epic battle of newborns against Cullens and werewolves.  The scene keeps getting interrupted by shots of Edward giving Bella the play by play which detracts from the fight.  Then, the movie abandons the fight altogether and stays on the mountain because Riley and Victoria move in to attack Bella.  Riley gets killed by Seth while Edward and Victoria fight.  The camera angles here make it hard to follow, basically again, making it boring.  Victoria’s death isn’t dramatic or anything, it just happens.  End of battle, thank you for coming.  

This is supposed to be a huge deal and it was ruined!  I don’t mean a little but totally.  I wanted more fighting, more tension and got nothing.  It’s like going out with a hot guy then hearing he only wants to be friends.  Disappointing. 

I think all of this would have been better if they’d done nothing but show the fight going on below, maybe with a little voice over by Edward once in a while. That would have helped a little. Then, they could have jumped into the Victoria and Riley battle.

In any case, they come back down the mountain because the fight is over but Alice sees that Jane is coming so they tell the wolves to leave. However, one newborn has survived the attack and goes after Leah. But Jacob stupidly dives in and gets seriously wounded. The other wolves have to carry him out in a hurry while the Cullens and Bree the newborn that surrendered wait for Jane to arrive.

Let’s talk about Bree for a moment.  She was not in the original series, but she has her own book “The Second Short Life of Bree Tanner”.  I have not read this book nor do I really intend to.  Fry have given me the overview and they tried to work this character into the story.  Well, if you didn’t know that was Bree Tanner, would you even know who she is?  They never say her name or explain her importance.  She’s just there, the only newborn who seems to show sympathy.  After the “battle” the Volturi make the decision to kill her.  Come one Carlisle, you could have fought harder than the lame argument you put up once.

Thank goodness, we’re almost done and then Kit Kat can untie me from the chair.

Before the Volturi leave, they have to be convinced again that the date is set for Bella to become a vampire.

After all of that, we jump back over to Bella showing up at Jacob’s house where Carlisle is just leaving from tending to his many broken bones. Those two have a little heart to heart about how they love each other but Bella loves Edward more. So Bella leaves on that “happy” little note and we are back in the same friggin field with Bella and Edward discussing the wedding plans because Bella had decided to agree to marry Edward so he would be the one to turn her. Of course Bella, wanted something in return. Yep, she wanted some hanky panky with Edward on the honeymoon. For whatever reason, he agrees and places the ring back on her finger.

And we end with Bella saying they have to do something really dangerous: Tell Charlie.

Lame joke, movie, lame freaking joke.

On a positive note, the movie ends there!  The bad news, Breaking Dawn will be released in a matter of months so Twilight fever will once again sweep through the nation and I’ll have to put up with the Twilight crap in Hot Topic and all the damn trailers on television.

And we will have to do another review. Don’t worry CinemaChick. I’ll help you through it…once I get you out of that chair. *Goes over and starts trying to untie her*

Oh good. I thought she was going to leave me here.

So there we go, that’s our view on Eclipse.  All we have left now is our thoughts and predictions for Breaking Dawn then I am done with this series!  No offense to you Twilight fanatics out there but I can’t stand them.  Let’s say our goodbyes, then I’m going to work on yet another review.  It might be a four in one day for me.

Well, now that I have freed CinemaChick I’ll say my goodbye. This is Kit Kat. No movie is too good or too bad for a review. Better watch out cause I’ll be back when you least expect it.

And I’m TheCinemaChick saying, I’m going to start a vlog soon.  Get ready for “Parking Lot Reviews.”

Love...sweet, sweet, complicated love

Hello everyone, I’m TheCinemaChick and once again, I’m quite behind on my reviews.  It can’t be helped sadly because I am having some major problems in the vehicular department.  My poor Malibu has decided to crap out on me and I’ve been spending a lot of time in the shop lately.  

But, enough about my crappy car problems, lets get to the real reason you (hopefully) read this blog.  You want to hear about movies!  And trust me; I have some good movies to talk about today.  I got the chance to see Crazy Stupid Love with Butterfly, followed by Fright Night with Fry.  As of right now, I haven’t decided if I’m going to make an extra long review or split this into two, but we’ll find out as I go along.

I’ve got my mug of soda and I’m ready to roll.

So, Crazy, Stupid Love.  The previews don’t do it justice.  It is a romantic comedy and as we all know, I despise nearly every romantic comedy out there.  After a while, they became formulaic.  They meet, love at first sight, obstacle, separation, joyous reunion and marriage.  This movie does not follow that formula.

It’s about a married couple on the brink of divorce.  The wife admits to infidelity and that she wants a divorce.  Throughout the movie, we get to see what happens in their lives as the marriage crumbles and Cal (played by Steve Carrel) tries to move on.  There’s only one thing that can make this situation even more awkward.  Let’s add some Bacon…Kevin Bacon that is.  That’s right Emily, played by Julianne Moore, cheats on Cal with the one and only Kevin Bacon, who plays a character named David Lindhagen.  Trust me, you’ll hear it so many times in the movie you’ll remember it.

So, Cal gets his own place but his children have problems with all this.  It’s easy to understand why.  Divorce is hard on kids that age.  To cope with everything, Cal starts going to a bar where he meets Jacob Palmer (Ryan Gosling).  In order to help Cal, Jacob offers to take him under his wing and teach him how to be a man…I guess.  It’s a nice little bromantic side plot there. 

There is also a side plot involving Hannah, who is in law school.  She’s with some guy…I forgot his name honestly.  He shows up a whopping two times in the whole film and he’s just so bland that I didn’t even care about him.  If I’m correct and IMDB has not lied to me, his name is Richard and he is played by the one and only Josh Groban.  Yeah…saw the movie days ago and just now found out this information.  Sadly, his film debut is not a memorable one.  I love his music but if he wants to try acting, get a better role.  

But the movie does center around Cal.  He becomes a ladies man and a man-slut.  After a while, he realizes that he really loves his wife and he wants to be with her, so he begins to find a way to get back with her.

This brings me to the major plot twist of the whole movie.  It turns out Hannah is the oldest daughter of Cal and Emily, and she just happens to fall in love with Jacob!  There’s a shocker for you.  Of course this cause issues between father and boyfriend, who end up having a fight over this.  Oh yeah, the babysitter’s father is also involved because of some naked photos that were found.

In case you’re wondering, I’m not going to talk about the babysitter and the whole naked photo thing.  It made me highly uncomfortable considering the character is supposed to be underage.  Yeah…there are some things out there I won’t touch.

The movie does have a happy ending.  Cal and Emily reconcile, Cal gives his permission to Jacob to date Emily and the babysitter gives the thirteen year old son the naked photos.  Life is…weird.

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s get to what I really think about the movie.  Overall, yes, I liked it.  I love movies that are relatable.  Having been in a rocky relationship that I tried to reconcile, I know how hard love is.  I know that at times, it really sucks and it can hurt.  While I didn’t get the guy in the end, the movie still was worth a watch.  Yeah, yeah, it ends up perfect with everyone getting what they want but everything leading up to the ending was great.  However, the movie is very slow.  There were several times where Butterfly and I looked at each other and said “I’m bored.”

Crazy, Stupid Love.  I recommend it.  Despite the slowness, the awkwardness and at times, downright uncomfortable parts, it was a fantastic film.  Steve Carell can play a serious, dramatic role really well so he’s not destined to be just a comedy star.  Julianne Moore was decent and let me bring it back up, Kevin Bacon.  Also, go see it to check out Josh Groban’s mediocre acting debut.    I see potential in him to be a good actor, but again…pick a better role.

There you go.  Crazy, Stupid Love gets my seal of approval.

And now, I will eat a sandwich, drink some more Coke, then do my review for Fright Night.  Don’t worry, Part 4 of the Twilight Rant is coming soon, along with an article on Terrance Zdunich.  Why am I doing an article over someone you’ve probably never heard of?

I have my reasons.

Well, I’m TheCinemaChick and I’m standing behind you right now…watching…

…not really.  I’m not a creepy stalker.

Enjoy the movies and I’ll keep reviewing them.

The Twilight Rant Part 3: New Moon

Hello everyone and welcome back to part three of my five part analysis of the Twilight Saga.  I’m TheCinemaChick and I’m quite possibly one of the few girls out there who would rather have Dracula or Lestat over Edward.   So as some of you may be wondering, I have a reason for putting myself through all of this.

You see, I did read the Twilight books and as much as I hate to admit it, I liked them.  What can I say, I was in a relationship at the time and the warm fuzzy feelings Bella had sort of applied to the guy I had…then I saw the movies.  Plus, I began reading other books and saw that they were better written.  To me, Twilight, in retrospect, has the literary expertise of an eighth grader.  It’s very bland, focuses on some details and has very basic language.  Like, an older child could read it and understand the vernacular, along with a teenager and adult.

Perhaps that was my downfall.  Not only do I have a degree in English with an emphasis in grammatical structures and linguistics, I have a minor in Creative Writing.  My college career was spent learning how to craft a story to perfection.  Stephanie Meyer, I’m sure her intentions were noble, failed in my opinion.  This time, I’m going beyond my disdain of the novels and going back into the movies.

Normally I have Kit Kat with me to do these Twilight rants but she’s currently MIA, so you’re stuck with me for a while.  The second story in the series gives us New Moon.  I find the title appropriate because it’s the only one that’s not like the rest.  True, the horribly intense romance is still the main focus but this time, we have werewolves instead of sparkling vampires.  Now, let’s dive straight into the plot and see what’s in store for us in this episode.

New Moon starts off with a dream sequence.  Bella is in that field that plays a huge role where she sees her grandmother a few feet away.  It’s nice and sunny, then Edward shows up.  Bella decides it’s a good idea to introduce her boyfriend to grandma, only to find out that it’s a reflection of her and what she’ll look like in the future.  She wakes up from this pseudo nightmare only to have Charlie walk in singing “Happy Birthday”.  That’s right, she’s another year older.

For most teens, birthdays are great.  Not for Bella, no, this is a horrible thing.  In her mind, every day she gets older, meaning she’ll be too old for Edward.  Let me see if I’ve got this right.  She turns seventeen.  Edward was turned at seventeen and is currently over a hundred years old.  If she turns eighteen, she’s suddenly too old for him.  I may fail miserably at math, but I’m pretty sure eighteen is less than one hundred.  Honestly, that’s one of the most superficial things I’ve ever heard.

Good news everyone, Kit Kat has returned from…wherever it is she went and will now be joining the discussion of the plot.

Hey everyone. I’m finally back from fighting off the necessary evils of real life. Now, that I’ve caught up with CinemaChick I’ll give my opinion. In some places, I do agree with CinemaChick. The writing is very basic and it seems to be meant for someone much younger. Also, when is eighteen too old to be with a vampire that’s been around since 1901? Seems a lil off. Though it’s never specified, even Jasper was 21 when he was turned so technically older is not necessarily a bad thing.

Yes, but Jasper’s ambition is life was not to die as a teen and become someone’s mate.  He was in the military and his turning wasn’t exactly his choice.  I find that more respectable then Bella’s glaringly obsessive notion that only Edward can have her and the only way to make that happen is to basically kill herself.  I know love can be intense but if being with someone has to involve death…you might want to walk away from it.

I think we are getting ahead of ourselves here. Let’s get farther in the storyline first. After that completely awkward dream/nightmare sequence. We jump to school which looks really different from the last time we saw it. Either they are looking for new angles or they weren’t thinking. Either way this is where we find out from Alice that she wants to throw a birthday party for Bella. Once again Bella is against the whole thing. And she doesn’t want any presents from them either…which is something to be covered later. However, this does contain one of my first favorite moments for Jasper where he uses his ability to control emotions on Bella to make her allow the party.

She can’t even be happy that someone wants to throw her a party?  What a freaking emo kid.  So, Bella shows up at the house, wearing a dress Alice bought her.  It really is a lovely scene and the use of warm colors works really well.  I also love it when Emmet is teasing Edward about dating a human girl.  “Dating an older woman?  Hot.”  At least he has a sense of humor, it just sucks that you see the entire Cullen clan for maybe a whopping 20 minutes out of the whole film, with the exception of Alice and Edward.  Anyway, Bella unwraps a present and manages to cut herself, giving us one of the best Jasper scenes in the movies so far.

Yes indeed. They’ve teased you with it in the first movie about Jasper being the newest to the clan and having issues being around humans. But the teasing is over. That one minute drop of Bella’s blood and Jasper is undone. He charges across that room like a wild animal. Now, I personally think Edward should have been a little more careful in protecting Bella instead of shoving her back hard enough that she crashes into a table and breaks everything there and getting hurt even worse. He then in turn shoves Jasper back sending him flying into Edward’s piano and breaking it. It takes Emmett and Carlisle to hold Jasper back and get him out of the house. I feel bad for Jasper but at least he had one moment where he wasn’t just a prop in the background.

Here’s a thought.  Why didn’t Edward just move in front of Bella?  He didn’t need to throw her through a table.  I’m going to call this a sign of abuse because there were so many other ways this could have gone and his first instinct was to shove her like that.  But, Carlisle stitches her up, Edward takes her home and they make out.  It’s at this point I think the relationship is based on hormones.  Bella wants sex and lets him know in her own, not entirely subtle way.  So, all of this leads to the next day, where they once again have a meaningful talk in the forest.  Does everyone live by the woods?  I’d be worried about wild animals and muggers out there.

Very true. But it seems that this time, Bella’s thoughts that Edward will leave her comes to pass. And in the harshest way he can, he not only tells Bella that he is leaving her and never coming back but that he doesn’t love her anymore. This would personally be the point where I would’ve slugged the ass. But no, not fragile lil Bella. Once he drops the bomb and walks off. She mentally flips…not that she was entirely stable to begin with (that was for you cinemachick). And she tears off through the forest after Edward as if she could run down a vampire. She ends up tripping and huddling up on the ground in the forest until long after dark. And then…the strangest thing manages to happen. You’d like to think one of them that finds her…wrong!

I guess being the daughter of a police chief has its advantages because the whole freaking town plus the Quiliuetes are out looking for her.  Paul finds her and brings her back, where we just go into this absolutely miserable spiral with Bella.  She has nightmares that cause her to scream and there’s this montage of the months passing while the camera circles Bella where she doesn’t leave a chair.  Ok, I’ve had my heart broken repeatedly.  I’ve been dumped via text message.  You can’t mope around for months because the dude left you after nearly getting you killed twice.  So, once the worst of her annoying moping is done, she decides to rejoin the world as Bella the Adrenaline Junkie.

Yup, you heard it right folks. Apparently, if Bella does stupid things, like getting on the back of a random biker’s motorcycle or rides one herself, then she gets to see Edward. So, of course! Why wouldn’t she? CinemaChick. Whatever drugs she’s taking I don’t think I want em. However, this does provide a moment for a longer haired Jacob to try and woo his way into Bella’s life.

The thing is Kit Kat, Bella has her blinders on.  Jacob is a better choice for her.  He never abandoned her or threw her into a wall.  The worst thing he did at this point was threaten to kill Mike at the movies.  Yeah we could go into the whole “What if they did end up together?” debate, but lets not.  And she is such an ice queen to him.  He’s baring his heart and soul to him but she just brushes him off like its nothing.  He saves her life and it changes nothing.  He repairs motorcycles for her, nothing.  I have to agree with him when he gets pissed at her, saying he’s “not the right kind of monster” for her.  I could go into a side rant about being with a werewolf over a technically dead guy, but I keep promising Kit Kat that I’ll be nice, so…with difficulty…I’ll leave that topic alone.

Awh, how sweet of you. Yes, let’s move on. Particularly to the point you brought up. The moment Jacob saves her life. Now, seems like Bella has the ultimate track record for getting in trouble. But this time, she puts herself in danger. How? SHE JUMPS OFF A CLIFF! Yes, she does the ultimate act in trying to see Edward again by jumping off a cliff. This almost kills her. Not just because she does it alone into dangerous waters but because there is a vision of our fave red headed vampire villain Victoria. Jacob manages to save her life and take her home.

I should probably mention that Laurent did show up earlier in the film, taunted Bella which gave her delusions of Edward, then the werewolves killed him.  I did like Laurent here because he teased her and goaded her into admitting things.  Had phantom Edward not been in Bella’s mind, he would have won.  Laurent is dangerous because he’s intelligent.  James had determination, Victoria is ruthless, Laurent is cerebral.  So back to where we were, Jacob takes Bella home where Alice has been waiting for her to show up.  Can someone tell me where the Cullens have been all this time?  Did I miss something?  I know Alice came back because of her vision but where is everyone else?  Did they go into hiding or leave for Alaska or…yeah, massive plot hole there.

Yeah, they never say. Guess the other characters aren’t important any more. In any case, Bella lets Alice know she’s alive. However, Jacob shows back up. So, Alice leaves the house so Bella and Jacob can talk. While they are talking, the phone rings and Jacob answers. Why is he answering the phone in Charlie’s house? For whatever the reason, Jason starts telling whoever it is on the other end of the line that Charlie wasn’t there and that he was at a funeral. (Another one of the characters had died when they were hunting wolves by a vampire.)  Well, the person on the other end of the line ends up being Edward who now thinks that Bella is dead. So what would any sane vampire would do when someone they love dies? Why, they’d go to the vampire counsel and ask them to kill him of course.

Seriously, there is no in between with these two.  Either they are joined at the hip or they have to kill themselves.  Chalk another point for abusive relationship.  So, Bella runs away to Italy with Alice to stop Edward from revealing himself to the world.  And no perverts, his pants will not come off.  So, they make it in time and we learn that Edward is not all that attractive under his stylish clothing.  They reunite and everything is great…until they are summoned before the Volturi.  Well, let’s hope something interesting happens here.  I don’t know…maybe a good fight?

If only hun. We have a slow start to everything. Aro wants to test if the other powers of the Volturi won’t work on Bella like how Edward can’t read her mind. Apparently, we find, that Bella can’t be harmed by Jane’s pain power and Aro can’t read every thought she’s ever had. Yet, before Aro can really do much, Edward jumps in to keep them away from Bella. Though, it seems to me that he only manages to get his ass handed to him. However, we come to the first real sign that these two are going to end up together. Aro has to have a promise that Bella will be made a vampire right then or they will kill her. Luckily for Alice and her visions, she has seen that Bella will one day be a vampire.

And we get one of my least favorite scenes.  Alice has had a vision of Bella being one of them, so we get to see her and Edward running happily through a forest together and when she crosses the sunlight, her skin glitters.  This ranks up there with some of the sappiest crap I’ve ever seen.  Well, the Volturi seems to be just fine with this and lets them go.  A group of tourists is brought past out main characters, we hear screams then Bella waking up with Edward at her side.  What the hell?  He was watching her sleep again?  That is freaking creepy!

Yeah, seems a lil abrupt to me. But if I was the director the movie would have made a bit more sense. In any case, now we have Bella miraculously recovered from her emo to the nth degree. And then, we finally have a normal moment. Charlie who comes in and finally acts like the father that’s upset with his daughter for just taking off for three days with no note or anything. Yeah, she gets in trouble but she could have gotten into more for me personally. If I’d done that I’d never see another tech device for the next week.

My parents would kill me, cremate me and make sure I didn’t rise from the dead.  So, with all of that out of the way, she leaves the house and goes over to the Cullen place to have them VOTE on whether or not she will become a vampire.  Kit Kat…I’m sorry but I don’t want you voting on my mortality.  If something happens and I’m going to die in ten minutes, yes make me a vampire.  Otherwise, let me live and experience my life.  So of course Alice votes yes, as does Carlisle, Esme, Emmet (the only time I lost respect for him) and Jasper.  Rosalie votes no, saying she didn’t get to make the choice and neither should Bella.  I have to agree with Rosalie.  All of them were turned because they were dying or were forced to turn.  Why should Bella get the choice when none of them did?

My problem is the voting as well. I mean, I personally would plead my case. I would know that if the Volturi would ever show up then I could be killed for still being a human when they arrive. I’d be scared plenty. However, I wouldn’t want it immediately either like Bella wants to. I’d want the choice of when since my choices are eventual and possibly painful death versus a…well…now that I think about it they are the same… Save for the fact that you don’t wake up from what the Volturi do to you. In any case, Bella wins(?) her right to become a vampire after graduation from high school.

Which leads to yet another scene I can’t stand.  Edward drives Bella home and nearly plow into Jacob, who’s in the middle of the street in some sort of martial arts stance.  Were there no other cars out that day?  Does no one else find that weird at all?  Well, we go into yet another freaking forest to have a confrontation between Jacob and Edward.  They sort of argue, Jacob leaves and Edward proposes.  Here’s what pissed me off.  After he says, “Marry me”, the camera jumps back to Kristen Stewart looking dumb as hell.  About five seconds after showing her face, we hear the gasp.  They screwed up the sound that bad in one of the most crucial scenes in the film.  It should have been fixed post production, but I guess Summit thought they didn’t need to since this would be a freaking cash cow for them no matter what

…I apologize.  Personal prejudices coming through there.

And folks, that’s where the movie ends. Yeah there’s a flair for the drama of it all. But it’s like the end of the Super Mario Brothers Movie. You’ve gotta get past this movie to have enough money to make the next movie. If you’ve got that, then you get to have a freakin cliffhanger.

Ok, as much as I hate the movie, I have to say the cliffhanger was a good move.  Hardcore fans are now wetting themselves in anticipation for the next movie and people who maybe don’t know what comes next are bound by curiosity to come back.  Plus, fair-weather fans are going to want to see the ring and probably her wedding dress, so it wets your appetite for more.

Guess I’m not really a hardcore fan then. I was left going: “Really? A cliff hanger?” In any case, I was glad for a few more good moments from the Cullen family, a lot more interaction with Jacob. There were just moments that could have been done better.

I left going “Oh thank God, it’s over!”  However, despite how much I loathe this series, New Moon is my personal favorite.  There isn’t much Edward, Bella’s still as exciting as tofu but we have the werewolves come into play.  I personally prefer them over the Cullens because I find them more interesting and more complex.  They are emotional creatures.  Not to mention, the CGI work on the wolves was fantastic.  Funny story, the first time I saw New Moon, I was with Arret and Man in a Hurry.  Arret and I were drooling over the wolves while poor Man in a Hurry was dying to get out of there.  He was the only single male in the theater.  I miss Man in a Hurry.

I do appreciate the wolves as well. They were very well done and had more things to do than worry about the “love triangle”. New Moon is my second favorite in the series thus far if we are really voting on it.

Well, I’d say this about wraps it up for now Kit Kat.  Soon we’ll tackle Eclipse and I’ll tell you why I think they screwed Jasper over.  Let’s wrap this one up and get to the important things…which for me is listening to children to make sure no one is hurt, screaming or crying.

At least Jasper gets a shot in Eclipse. I like to see him leading for once. As for me, it’s a multitude of multi-tasking. This is Kit Kat and no movie or too good or too bad for a review.

And I’m TheCinemaChick saying, even though I’m not a “Twi-hard” fan, I’m still Team Emmet.  I even have the shirt to prove it.

*insert repetitive Smurfs tune here*

Hello people on the internet who also enjoy movies!  I’m TheCinemaChick and I watch more movies than the average citizen.  I’m getting incredibly behind with my reviews because…well, I’m lazy, I have a lot on my mind and I have gotten some incredibly exciting news.  If and when that news is posted on a blog I follow, I will repost it here and share with everyone.

Last week, I watched The Rise of the Planet of the Apes with Butterfly, then a few hours later, Fry and I went to see the Smurfs.  Laugh if you want, but I actually liked it.  For me, it was about a nostalgic trip to my childhood.  It made me think of the days I was sick and had to stay home from school.  My mom would set me up on the couch with my favorite blanket, some pillows, and old school cartoons to lull me to sleep.  I remember The Smurfs getting into trouble and how they had such horrible names.  Think about it, how did they get named?  How did Papa Smurf become Papa Smurf?  For that matter…here’s a few Smurfs I bet you’ve never even heard of:

• Wooly (he wears wool)
• Lumberjack (he wears flannel)
• Pretentious
• Wild
• Nurse
• Pastrycook
• Flighty
• Panicky

Now, the movie wasn’t exactly aimed at children.  I know it was marketed as a kids movie, but I don’t think some of the humor in it was meant for them.  If you’re wondering about the plot, well, the previews pretty much give it away.  Gargamel discovers their village so they run away and get sucked through a portal into our world.  They cross paths with Patrick and Grace, who help them make a spell to reopen the portal so the little blue…uh…people…can get home.  That’s pretty much everything.  The rest of the movie is full of Smurf antics, stupid humor and plot holes.

What bothered me the most was that you don’t really get to know anything about the Smurfs.  We get to spend about ten minutes in the village with all of them, but once they get to New York, there’s only Brainy, Clumsy, Gutsy, Grouchy, Papa and Smurfette.  The thing is, there are some amazing people who gave their voices to this film.  Did you know Handy Smurf is actually Jeff Foxworthy?  Also, Wolfgang Puck is Chef Smurf.  Well, too bad because after the first ten minutes, you won’t see them.  They’ll be talked about but not seen.

And while it was an amusing movie, it was really pointless.  It’s a story I’ve seen a hundred times before.   They’re lost, need to go back home, there’s an obstacle which is overcome and everyone lives happily ever after.  Been there, seen it.

I’m more interested in how the Smurfs came to be.  What brought them into existence?  Give me their history (and don’t tell me to read the books.  That’s just too logical.) and maybe show us how Smurfette was created.  Show me some of that.  Also, how the hell did Papa Smurf have so many sons?  In the movie, they do make fun of the whole “there’s 100 Smurfs in the village and one girl…is the weird?”  But, Papa calls all of them his sons.  So…are the asexual or what?  I actually did internet research on how Smurfs reproduce.  And before you say it, yes I am a total nerd for looking into that but come on, who isn’t curious about that?  Surely I’m not the only one thinking about this weird concept.

As far as the voice acting goes, I liked it.  However, I’m not a fan of Katy Perry so I wasn’t exactly jumping for joy when I heard she was playing the only female Smurf.  There is even a lame reference to her first hit single, “I kissed a girl”.  Only, in this movie its “I kissed a Smurf and I liked it.”  

Could it have been something better?  Yes.

For what it was, was it worth it? Eh…sure.

If you do decide to go see The Smurfs, wait for the dollar theater.  I paid about nine bucks for my ticket (I also went to one of those theaters that serves a full meal instead of just snacks) and I liked the fried pickles I had over the movie.  Granted, The Smurfs is cute and it’s good if you want a light hearted romp for two hours to take your mind off things.  It has moments where it’s overly sweet but there are some moments where I did genuinely laugh.  I’m not talking about the half hearted chuckles I had in Bad Teacher, but actual laughter.  I will admit though, Fry kept me laughing for days with one of her comments but it would be hard to explain.

Neil Patrick Harris was great as always and I really respect Hank Azaria.  He really pulls Gargamel off and pretty much becomes the character.  Go see it for those two actors alone.

One last thing.  If you hate that annoying tune they keep singing and you know the one I’m talking about, avoid the movie.  It keeps popping up throughout and it’s so irritating because it’s so repetitive.  I couldn’t stand it after two hours.  To make it worse, Fry started humming it!  I do think she was trying to keep herself from laughing because at this point, I’d spilled an entire cup of soda in my lap and had to walk through the theater with a huge wet patch on my jeans.  Good thing we had that popcorn bucket for me to strategically hold.

So there you have.  The Smurfs is a mind numbing childhood throwback, but it’s cute.  Because it does make me think of being a kid again, I enjoyed it.  I do like the idea of putting someone in an environment they’ve never been in before and seeing what happens.  Plus, Gargamel gets into some pretty hilarious situations that are funny to watch.  I still stand by my statement of waiting to see this at a dollar theater.  If you really want to, go ahead and swing a matinee.

Well, there you have it.  Soon, I will team up with Kit Kat and work on the last three parts in the Twilight Rant.  Fry and I are going to see Fright Night later this week and I finally rented a copy of Donnie Darko. 

All this and more in my next blog!

…I’ll never do that again.  I promise.  That just seemed nerdy, even to me.

I’m TheCinemaChick and on behalf of my movie watching crew, I bid you a pleasant theater experience. 

It's the end of the world for humans as we know it

Hello, I'm TheCinemaChick and it's been a while since I have been in the theater.  Well, today I finally went back to have native habitat with Butterfly.  Of course, the main problem with seeing a movie on a Saturday is that there is always a crowd.  Since this movie came out last week, there weren't as many people in our theater.  So let's get started with The Rise of the Planet of the Apes.

I had one huge problem right off the bat.  I know nothing about this franchise.  I've never seen a Planet of the Apes movie, whether it was the original Charleton Heston films to the Mark Wahlberg remake, they've all slipped past me.  So, going into this blind, I wasn't entirely sure what to expect.  Butterfly had to explain it to me after the movie was over.  By the way, don't leave as soon as the credits start.  They go for a minute, then there's a bonus scene, which really helps make sense of everything.

As you should already know, this is a prequel to the entire Planet of the Apes series.  I'm on the fence about discussing the plot because it has only been out for two weeks and people are still flocking to the theaters to see it.  I guess I can give you a simple overview.

We start off with an ape being captured and being experimented on.  Right before she is to be presented so the drug used on her can be approved for humans, she goes on a rampage and is killed.  The scientist and James Franco realize that the ape wasn't affected by the drug.  It turns out she'd had a baby and was just protecting it.  He takes the baby home to his father, who has Alzheimer's.  The chimp is named Caesar and it grows up with the dad and as Caesar ages, he becomes more intelligent.  This goes on for a while, then a neighbor is attacked by the chimp and he is forced into a sanctuary.  Caesar doesn’t fit in, because honestly, he acts to human.  He begins plotting his escape, thinking of how to free the others of his kind.  Of course, he has to dodge the ever watchful eye of Dodge (played by Tom Felton).  A second batch of the drug is made, which is more powerful than the first with one huge downfall.  It’s not safe in any way for humans.  Caesar manages to sneak out, steal the drug that’s now in aerosol form and gives it to all the other monkeys.  Things get strange, monkeys seem to form a union and all hell breaks loose.  The animals take over the city, causing panic and chaos, all in search of the redwood forest on the other side of the Golden Gate Bridge.  Then it ends.  Just like that.

Ok, I condensed that A LOT.  The movie was about two hours long but it felt twice as long.  I got antsy at points, almost wondered if it would ever end.  Everything about it was expositional.  I know, I know, it’s a prequel and sets the audience up for the rest of the series so it has to explain a lot.  For me, it didn’t really explain anything.  Honestly, a prequel shouldn’t have left me feeling so confused.  I’ll admit, I know the gist of the series, apes run the world and humans return to find their home completely changed.  Yeah, that part I got.

The movie didn’t even really explain how humans became extinct.  I presented my theory to Butterfly, who confirmed my thoughts and that’s how everything made sense.  Part of this is my fault for going into this blind, plus I have a problem with movies leaving me with so many questions.

For example, here’s a short list of things I would like to ask:

If Caesar was a “super chimp” and had increased intelligence, why didn’t he go back to a laboratory for research instead of the sanctuary?

Why did no one notice that the chimp for the beginning had a child?

Who was the girlfriend and what happened to her?

When the other scientist inhaled the aerosol drug, why did he just leave and not get quarantined?

Who was the nurse at the beginning and what role did she play?

Why was the boss guy such a dick?

Why did people think Tom Felton was a good choice for the role?

Why did the movie take so long to reach its point?

Does the producer really expect us to believe that maybe 2 dozen assorted simians took over the entire town?

When can I see the movie about the circus orangutan?

Can we have more Tom Felton please?

Could the filmmakers have told us what species were in the sanctuary since most of us aren’t monkey experts?

Is this going to lead to yet another remake or revival of the franchise?

Were there any real monkeys?  (I ask this because I’m pretty sure most of the time they were CGI)

How awesome would it be if they really could cure Alzheimer’s?

Why was the human effect of the virus downplayed so much?

Did anyone else think John Lithgow pulled off that role perfectly?

Was I the only one who thought Tom Felton slipped up with his accent a lot?

Don’t get me wrong, I respect Tom Felton as an actor and I think he knows how to play a villain.  I just didn’t like him in this role.  Yes, he’s trying to act with an American accent, but I noticed that it did change at times.

It was freaking awesome that he got to use the famous “Get your paws off me, you damn dirty ape” line.  I almost cheered.

Overall, I’d give this movie a 3 out of 5.  It wasn’t great, but it’s not a complete failure.  If you can swing it, go to a matinee when it’s cheaper.  I don’t know if it’s in 3D or not, but if it is, skip it.  Most movies that come out in 3D should be skipped, but I’m not a fan of it.  Having glasses and then adding those crappy 3D glasses added on top of them tends to give me a headache.

I’ve still got to review The Smurfs, which I saw with Fry and continue with my Twilight Rant.  I recently watched New Moon again, so I’m ready to tackle that monstrosity.  I still have to sit through Eclipse again.

Well, I’m TheCinemaChick and I waste my money on new releases do you can know if its worth the price.  On behalf of my movie watching buddies, I bid you a pleasant theater experience.