Hansel and Gretel: A study in anachronisms

                What is happening good people of the world wide interwebs?  I am the often imitated, never duplicated cineaste (I just learned that word.  It means devotee of movies and films).  You may simply call me TheCinemaChick.  I am once again slacking with my duties as a reviewer but let’s hope I catch up to speed soon.  I’ve got two films I need to write about but I think I will start with the one that is still fresh in my mind.  It’s hard to believe it’s currently number one at the box office, but then again, there has been nothing good out since Les Misérables.  We are nearing the end of January and there hasn’t really been anything that’s jumped out at me.  Sadly, in an act of desperation, I went to see “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters”.

                It was just so…underwhelming.

                Did film makers learn nothing from “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”?  There are some things that just don’t mix, like former presidents and vampires.  Then again, I suppose a huge clue that this movie wouldn’t exceed my expectations was when I saw that it is an MTV film.  Yes, you read that right.  And to make everything even better, Will Ferrell is one of the executive producers.   When I saw that, I thought maybe there would be a few half decent jokes tossed in, but no.  I was sorely mistaken.  What I got was a jumbled, unclear, near plot less pile of magic and guns.  As much as this film was hyped, it was just a complete letdown.

                Ok, first off, there is a rumor about this one.  Most of the people signed on because they liked the script, which makes me question Jeremy Renner’s choice in film.  Some liked the concept of dark, twisted fairy tales, which I understand.  Then we come to the main villain of this gory little flick, Famke Janssen.  She plays Muriel, the big, bad witch of the woods.  Apparently, she agreed to do the film because she needed money.  How desperate are you that you agree to be in an MTV produced film about candy houses and witches?  And from what I’ve read from various online sources, that’s a fact.  She really did sign on just for the money.  Now, she claims that was her initial reason, but she later states she actually liked the script.  Come on, just admit you’re embarrassed about this one and move along.

                Sadly, I think the script is the whole reason this film is so incredibly bad.  First off, judging by the clothes worn by the townspeople in Augsberg, Germany (where the story is set), I’d guess they were in the late 1800s, possibly early 1900s.  Why are they talking like its modern day?  Also, how come Hansel and Gretel are the only ones without accents?  Why do they dress in all leather?  I’d also like to point out that Hansel is diabetic and injects himself with what I assume is insulin frequently.  Well, since insulin was manufactured for use until 1921, I’m assuming its around that time.  But that just raises further questions.  If it is indeed the 20s and it’s Germany, I’m fairly certain no one still lived in a medieval village in the middle of the woods like that.  It just doesn’t make sense!

                Ok, I get that this is a fantasy movie, so obviously I should lighten up and not take this film so seriously but you know what?  Those actors and that film crew took it seriously!  Seriously, if you’re going to make a movie that you want people to enjoy, don’t be so lazy.  And I want to go on record as saying this: I don’t care how hardcore you are, there is no reason to throw an F bomb in at random times when it is clearly not needed.  This goes back to my anachronism issues.  The village people sort of sound like turn of the century townsfolk, but then there’s Hansel and Gretel, who sound like they’ve just flown in from Philadelphia.   It is established that they lived not too far from this village, so how come they don’t have accents?

                While I’m ranting a bit, how did they survive in the woods alone?  The first ten minutes are sort of like the fairy tale.  They are abandoned in the forest by their father and stumble upon a house made of candy.  The witch inside tries to fatten them up but instead ends up getting pushed into the oven and burning to death.  Well, that’s about the only thing that makes sense.  According to this version, Hansel ate so much sweets when he stayed with the witch (the duration of this stay is unknown) that he contracted diabetes.  Second of all, the witch hurls fireballs at Gretel who escapes completely unharmed.  That is explained later in the film, but it becomes extremely obvious about halfway through.  Even more obvious if you pay attention when they keep repeating “Magic has no effect on us”.  Then, they hold hands and WATCH THE WITCH SCREAM AS SHE DIES!  I don’t care how fantastical this is supposed to be, that is sick.

                I think it’s about 20 years that passes and they come back.  So…Hansel went from being like 10 to being about 40?  Seems legit.  Sure, a cute little boy grew up into Jeremy Renner and some little girl became Gemma Arterton (who I have never heard of)

                For a movie about two people hunting witches, there is a surprising lack of witch hunting.  Seriously, there’s a trial in the beginning, and most of it comes towards the end.  Between those two events, it’s a lot of back and forth, bad humor and oh yes, graphic nudity.  Yup, this isn’t a fairy tale for the kiddies.  Well, the overuse of foul language and excessive blood should have been a clue. 

                Ok, I have to get this out of the way because it really irks me to no end.  And yes, I used to word irks.  Get over it.  Gretel is supposed to be this tough as nails chick who can hunt and kill witches without batting an eye.  Well, when she’s paired with Hansel, this is true.  When her brother isn’t nearby, she is almost completely useless.  She gets knocked out twice, once during an invasion where 2 witches free a third one.  That one I can forgive because Muriel the boss (Janssen) is really powerful.  The second time, she is confronted by some men, led by the Sheriff.  She barely puts up a fight and gets beaten severely before a troll saves her.  Seriously?  She couldn’t like grab a branch and smack them around or at least throat punch them?  Nope.  Damsel in distress.

                By the way, the troll’s name is Edward. 

                Feel free to pause momentarily and laugh really hard.  I’ll wait.

                Finished?  Good.  Let’s continue.

                The film’s climax is a showdown between Hansel and Mina (a white witch) and…pretty much every evil witch in Germany.  So two people with enchanted weapons take down around I don’t know, let’s say 15 or more witches?  Yeah.  That’s plausible.  Of course, Edward helps, Gretel is freed after almost becoming a sacrifice.  Ok, here’s another problem.  The witches want to become immune to fire since so many of them have been burned at the stake.  In order to complete the ritual, they need the heart of a white witch, which as it conveniently turns out, Gretel is.  Well, Muriel seems to know that Mina is a white witch, so why not just kill her?  Well, Muriel dies, Hansel and Gretel get paid and move on with their life, taking Edward and a kid named Ben with him on their journeys.

                Overall, this movie was a failure.  It didn’t take itself seriously, so it came off as half-baked and almost like a joke.  I know it’s a fantasy, but I want to be so enraptured that I feel like it’s real.  This…well, this obviously did not do that for me.  The costumes were good, the music rocked and Jeremy Renner topless was not a bad sight.  However, if you’re going to make a film like this, don’t cheapen it with lame jokes.  I could have done without the full frontal nudity of Mina.  I sort of knew this wouldn't be the best film around going into it, but I didn’t expect it to be so bad.  And yes, I know it topped the charts this weekend but honestly, it didn’t really have any competition.  “Movie 43” didn't stand a chance and “Mama” isn’t the best film around. 

                I do have higher hopes for this coming weekend.  “Warm Bodies” a quasi-romantic zombie movie film is coming out.  Sylvester Stallone is somehow coming out with another action movie called “Bullet to the Head” and Christopher Walken gives us “Stand Up Guys”.  While it’s still not the best selection around, trust me, it’s a much needed improvement over January.  However, February shows a lot of promise.  I guess I should do a monthly feature about what to see in each month.  Well, that statement was redundant.

                What do you think?  Would you like to know what’s coming out every month?  Maybe you’d like to know my suggestions or predictions for them.  I don’t know, you tell me what I should do next.

                I’m excited because tonight I’m attending my first pre-screening event.  This is different from a sneak peek.  A pre-screening is when we get to see the film and provide feedback.  The film is then edited to suit the audience’s wants and released later.  A sneak peek is just seeing a movie a week early.  I cannot give away any details about this film because of legal issues.

                Well, that’s a wrap for now guys.  “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters” ranks pretty low on my list.  I’d say…dollar theater.  Don’t bother with full price, even though it is extremely obvious they want people to see this in 3D.  Just save yourself the time and money.

                I’m TheCinemaChick and I’m the Avenger you didn't see on screen.

An Unexpected Journey

           Hello all you people out there!  I’m TheCinemaChick and I’m here to take you on a magical quest, filled with danger, evil creatures and wizards.  Fear not, for a band of determined dwarves will guide you through this land, only to face a monstrous dragon who could burn you in a moment.  Beware of trolls, Orcs, goblins and Wargs as we journey back to a familiar place.  Hobbits and Elves, we’re going back to Middle Earth to explore what is sure to be a roaring success, The Hobbit.

            Now, there’s one thing I’d like to touch on before I dive into the main part of my review.  When you go to the theater, there are several options: 2D, 3D, XD, HFR.  We all know what the first three are, so let’s discuss high frame rate.  Normal films are shot in 24 frames per second, but Peter Jackson decided to shoot The Hobbit at 48 frames per second hence the “high frame rate”.  My showing was XD, 3D and HFR, so it will be drastically different from what others saw.  A lot of people have also been criticizing this choice.  Here’s my take on the whole thing.

           The higher frame rate made things a lot smoother for me.  Every moment was so fluid, it was just amazing.  However, there were times when it seemed like the characters were moving faster than normal because…well, they probably are.  Maybe it was the XD, but the picture quality was absolutely breathtaking.  Now, if you are easily nauseated, prone to motion sickness or get easily dizzy, you might want to skip this option.  After the movie, I was a little disoriented and off balance.  Well, I’m always off balance, but you know what I mean.

            Oh, and to the guy who was in such a major hurry that he found it necessary to push a handicapped girl (i.e.-me) on the steps in a dark theater, I hope you trip and land on Legos.  I nearly fell when you shoved me.  You are just lucky I grabbed the railing.

            I digress.

            The movie itself was fantastic.  It suffers from the major flaw of the other “Lord of the Rings” films, which is that it takes forever for the action to kick in.  Granted, the beginning was beautiful.  It starts off on Bilbo’s birthday (including an extended cameo from Elijah Wood as Frodo) and works its way into the past.  Martin Freeman plays young Bilbo.  If anyone loves BBC programming as much as me, you know Freeman as John Watson from Sherlock.  For a while, that’s all I could see   After a while, I didn’t see that anymore because he looks so much younger in this.  He really captured the character well.  Also from the BBC is Aidan Turner, better known as Mitchell from Being Human.  As if that’s not cool enough, Benedict Cumberbatch is there too!  He’s the Necromancer and Smaug!

            Ian McKellan returns as Gandalf the Grey and he is just as delightful as he was in the trilogy.  He’s got to be on of my favorite actors around.  Hugo Weaving, Cate Blanchett and Christopher Lee also come back for this film.  They have a minimal but pivotal role in the film.  Oh and King Thranduil, the Elf who happens to be the father of Legolas is in the movie too.  The cast was perfect for the film so I applaud the filmmakers for that.  And I can’t forget that man who brought life to Radagast the Brown, Sylvester McCoy.  He’s also from BBC fame since he used to play The Doctor.

            It’s hard to comment on the fight scenes and all the action because what I saw is different from how others saw it.  The higher frame rate made things made things much smoother, but also more fast paced than anything else, which did make it a little hard to follow.  Don’t get me wrong, I loved the HFR, but it took me about 20 minutes to get used to it, then there were scenes that made me very aware that I was watching it.  I had to remind myself that this was a little different from other movies.  For the most part, ther HFR isn’t a problem, except for those few moments where I was acutely aware of it.

            Now, this thing is three hours long, so wear your comfy clothes and use the bathroom before you sit down to watch.  I made the mistake of buying a large soda to drink and trust me, I ran out of the theater.  The thing is, there’s nothing I would take out to make it any shorter.  I like the story of how Erebor was invaded by the dragon, what the Dwarves did when they had nowhere else to go and how Thorin became well…Thorin.  It gives the audience a much better idea of what everyone had to go through to get where they are later.  Having read “The Hobbit” a few times before and I guess I missed some of these things.

            Unfortunately, the next installment won’t be out for another year, so Tolkien fans will just have to wait impatiently for “The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug” to be released to the world.  I know I can’t wait for it, though, I’m very curious as to how the third film will go since it was going to contain a lot of information from the appendices located in “The Return of the King”.  I like Peter Jackson, I like what’s he done with the franchise and I look forward to see what he has in store for the future.

            “The Hobbit” is an amazing film and needs to be seen.  If you like Tolkien or fantasy films, you will like this.  It does a great job of setting up a story and sticking to it without having numerous side plots.  True, it is really long, but that’s part of the fun of the movie.  My main problem was with the high frame rate because it was distracting at times and the fact that there are fourteen main characters.  It’s hard to tell some of the Dwarves apart because they only show main ones.  Like, you’ll know who Kili is and you’ll know Thorin, Bombur and I think Gloin.

            And if that’s not enough reason to see it, how about having Richard Armitage singing the Misty Mountain song?  The man is sexy and he can sing too.

            Seriously, since it’s midnight release, this movie has already made roughly $95 million.  It’s projected to make about $130 million this weekend alone.  I spent $21 today on tickets alone (the XD 3D HFR is expensive).

            I loved The Hobbit.  I’d like to see it again at regular frame rate.  High frame rate is ok once you are used to it and makes the picture sharper and smoother.  Though it is a little dizzying, I enjoyed it.  If you don’t believe me, ask Mumford what he thinks about the film.  Or ask Kit Kat.  You could even ask Fry.

            The Hobbit has made its way onto my Top 12 of 12 list, which I will be writing soon and posting.  

            Go see The Hobbit.  You will not regret it.

            I’m TheCinemaChick and Thorin Oakenshield is mine!

Holy shark repellant, Batman!

            Welcome to the new year!  My name is TheCinemaChick and I am a lover of all things film related.  I am working on improving my skills as a reviewer, so I might start doing vocabulary lessons.  You know, some people might wonder why I review so many films.  The thing is, I’m a performer at heart.  I grew up wanting to be a singer (preferably opera) and I do have the talent for it, but my crippling stage fright got in the way.  I do wish I could be an actress because I would love to be different characters and see how others perceive me being someone else.  I’ve done some small things and I have auditioned at local theaters but…sadly, never really broke into the business.

            Enough about me being a wannabe, let’s get right in to my first review of 2012!

            Not that it should be a surprise, but this is going to be another list.  I haven’t had the chance to see a movie yet, nor is there anything I’m really dying to see.  Now, I hadn’t planned on doing this list, but the idea originated on Facebook.  It all started because of Batman.  I finally watched Batman Begins while another person decided to watch all of the movies.  Ironic, isn’t it.  I thought, “Well, I’ve seen them all, why not do lists and see how different our opinions are?”  I’m not sure if they were all for the idea, but I’m doing it anyway.  I suppose I should give this person a name…well, we’re acquaintances, not sure if I could say we’re friends.  Hmm…I knew them in college…ok, I’ve got it.  It’ll be a dead give away for them but you know, I haven’t had a good song reference in a while. 

            So here we go, TheCinemaChick’s list of Batman movies from best to worst, possibly going up against my fellow blogger’s list.  For the sake of anonymity, let’s call him Mumford.  If you think about it, you’ll get it.  As of right now, his list is up and I haven’t read it yet because I don’t want to be influenced.  So, for my list, I’m looking at the more recent movies and I’m including the old school Adam West one.  

            From best to worst, here’s my take on the Batman films.

1. Batman (1989)

I’ll admit, the first one, to me, is by far the best.  It really captured the essence of who Batman is.  He’s dark, mysterious and elusive.  The film reflects that by being a little too dark, but it’s accented by the bright colors provided by The Joker, played by Jack Nicholson.  Michael Keaton does a good job laying the masked crime fighter.  I like that it doesn’t completely explain what happened to Bruce Wayne’s parents because honestly, I didn’t know until I came of the comic book closet and admit that I was a geek.  It’s also a Tim Burton film, so that added bonus points.  Had this been a stand alone film, I would have been satisfied.  The subsequent sequels did slightly kill the franchise for me, but we’ll get to that as we go along.

2. The Dark Knight (2008)

      I actually had no intention of seeing this.  I was telling people, “I’m a Marvel girl, no way I’m going to crossover and join the DC side.”  Butterfly called me, told me to get tickets and we’d go opening night.  Of course, since I rarely say no to him, I bought them and sat through it.  I was amazed.  Christian Bale didn’t quite cut it as Batman for me until much later when I’d had some time to think about it.  The movie was a bit confusing for me, with the whole romance angle, mixed with the villains and having the Chinese mafia added in.  I’ll bow down and admit that Heath Ledger’s performance as The Joker sealed it for me.  I knew it was him, but he is so in character that he couldn’t be seen any other way.  It’s sad to think that this was his last film, but he went out on a positive note.  I could have done without Maggie Gyllenhaal but hey, nothing’s perfect.  Harvey Dent was portrayed decently, but it just wasn’t as good as it could be.  Heath Ledger truly was perfection and his posthumous Oscar was well deserved.

3. Batman (1966)

Yeah, I loved this one.  It’s campy, it’s cheesy and there are so many things wrong with it, but I still love it.  I grew up with this movie and the series that used to be on, before the animated shows started.  It’s almost impossible to take this film seriously, but the bright colors and incredibly stupid weapons make for a good laugh.  I mean, shark repellant?  I don’t take this one seriously so I guess I love it for nostalgic reasons.  It used to be a family thing for me.  We’d all watch reruns of the old show together.  Plus, I love Adam West.  If you think about it, the over the top antics and the weird blocks of colors with words in them make it pretty funny.

4. Batman Returns (1992)

I’ll freely admit, the first two Batman movies were the best of the whole bunch.  By the first two, I mean the ones Tim Burton was involved in.  While this is one of the better ones, it’s also one of my least favorites.  I love the movie overall, but the storyline was bogged down.  We have Bruce Wayne’s story, plus the Penguin’s story then we add in Selina Kyle.  There’s just too much going on for it be enjoyable.  The ending was also rather over the top for the dark tone of the movie.  What really killed it for me was the clowns.  I freaking hate clowns and Penguin has some hanging around.  Then there’s the ceremonial-ish moment where the penguins sort of push the Penguin’s body into the water…even I, whose favorite animal is a penguin, found this to be ridiculous.  While it’s good, it’s a sharp turn from the first Tim Burton Batman movie.

5. Batman Begins (2005)

Honestly, I just didn’t enjoy this.  I thought it was very slow paced and at times, rather boring.  It was good, just boring in my opinion.  The parts I enjoyed were the scenes with Jonathan Crane aka Scarecrow in them.  He was the most interesting character in the movie.  He’s sinister, he’s sadistic and he’s a genius, but he’s barely there.  Plus, the beginning of the movie bothered me.  After the brief moment from his childhood, it swaps between current time and a flashback which gets confusing.  I found Christian Bale to be very off putting and Katie Holmes was completely flat.

6. Batman Forever (1995)

For me, this is where the franchise took a sharp decline.  While the Tim Burton films had a dark tone to it, this one seemed to have a very light hearted approach.  Dick Grayson got on my nerves because he is so annoying.  Two Face was a joke to me and looked more like a cartoon character.  Val Kilmer as Batman was seriously wrong and Chase Meridian, played Nicole Kidman came off totally wooden.  Even the plot seemed stupid.  Stealing secrets through television?  That’s the best you could do with the series?  For me, the saving grace was Jim Carrey as The Riddler.  He’s campy, he’s cheesy, he’s just so ridiculous that it works.  I imagine this character wouldn’t be the kind of person to take himself seriously.  I enjoyed Carrey in this role and I’m not a fan of his.  He combines comedy and a sinister persona very well.  I liked him but that’s really about it.  I could have done without it.

7. Batman and Robin (1997)

Honestly, who didn’t see this one coming?  It’s so bad that it’s ranked as one of the top ten worst superhero movies of all time.  There were two sequels planned for Joel Schumacher to direct but this movie killed them.  If you’ve seen this, you know exactly why.  I’ve tried to justify the reason this film sucks so hard, but there is no possible way.  I even tried the “maybe they’re paying homage to the 1966 movie” but even that one is better than this.  This might as well be a live action cartoon.  The characters are terrible, the actors were miscast and the plot was thinner than a sheet of paper.  It’s cheesy and not in a good way.  The script is deplorable, with tons of bad puns and innuendo in it.  Seriously, count how many cold, ice, winter or similar jokes are made by Arnold Schwarzenegger makes as Mr. Freeze.  Uma Thurman disappoints as Poison Ivy and once again, Chris O’Donnell plays Dick Grayson, the most irritating sidekick ever.  

While I’m ranting, who’s brilliant idea was it to cast George Clooney?  He was terrible playing an action hero.  Not to mention the opening scene of them suiting up was borderline obscene.  Did those suits need have everything…like butt cracks, oversized codpieces and nipples?  That was one of the things that made Batman so intriguing!  He was mysterious!  Oh yes, the ruined Bane!  He was portrayed as a mindless moron who does whatever Ivy tells him to do.  Even Schumacher and Clooney have apologized for this movie. 

Ok, here’s what really gets me about Batman and Robin.  Had the movie not sucked, there would have been another sequel.  The next film would have had Scarecrow and Harley Quinn.  For those of you who don’t know, Harley Quinn is my all time favorite Batman character.  But no…Schumacher had to create something that bombed so bad that its famous for being terrible.  No one can look at it seriously.  There aren’t even words to express how amazingly bad this movie is.  It’s like…Crossroads meets Green Lantern to create a bastard child of an action movie.

However, Christopher Nolan managed to successfully revive the franchise and so far, has not disappointed.  Batman Begins and The Dark Knight have been phenomenal successes.  The Dark Knight Rises is already highly anticipated and has hordes of fanboys and fangirls drooling over it.  The trailer is already out there and sucks you in.  I’m super excited to see Bane on the big screen because honestly, he looks amazing.  Like…I don’t see him as that horrible character in Batman and Robin.  He’s been redesigned   I’m not thrilled with Anne Hathaway as Selina Kyle because she does not embody Catwoman like Michelle Pfeiffer did.  I will see it and I do plan on reviewing it.

So there you have it, my Batman preferences.  If you want to see Mumford’s take on it (remember…the blogger I mentioned before the rant?), here’s a link to his list:

http://aslanhollier.blogspot.com/2012/01/batman-saga-review.html?zx=9fd88e3ac110fd6a

I have not read it, but once I have posted this I will.  I look forward to it.  Read his blogs.  He has some great opinions and I may sound a little stalkerish, but I really do look forward to his posts.  

Well, that’s all I’ve got to say for now.  I’m cold and for some reason, my fingers are communicating with my brain.  Please to enjoy my Batman rant.

I’m TheCinemaChick and I have yet to see a movie in 2012…in theaters or on TV.

Tipsy Reviews Pan's Labyrinth

            Greetings all you insomniacs and…whatever the female version of insomniac is, I go by TheCinemaChick!  It’s one in the morning and I just finished watching two, count ‘em, two movies.  First was Let The Right One In, which is a Swedish film that Let Me In was based off of.  It was decent, but that’s not what I’m going to discuss.  My second film was Pan’s Labyrinth.  This one’s a lovely little gem from Guillermo Del Toro, the same man who gave us the boring “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark” that I reviewed earlier this year.

            Pan’s Labyrinth is about Ofelia and her life as her mother relocates them to the country to live with her new stepfather.  Her mother is pregnant with a little boy, but isn’t in the best of health.  Her stepfather is the evil and often sadistic Vidal.  Ofelia hates it as soon as she moves in, but her mother insists things will get better.  She finds a stick bug which turns itself into a fairy and leads her to the labyrinth.  This is where she meets the Faun.  He tells Ofelia she is really Princess Moanna, daughter of the kind of the Underworld.  In order to prove that she really is royalty, she must do three tasks.

            First, she is sent to collect a key from the stomach of a large toad living in a dying fig tree but stuffing three stones in its mouth.  Ofelia is triumphant but her mother’s health takes a sharp decline.  The Faun gives her a mandrake, telling her to set it in fresh milk and feed it two drops of blood a day.  She does this, happy to see that her mother improves almost immediately.

            The second task proves to be a bit of a challenge.  Ofelia must take the key and draw a door that leads to the lair of the Pale Man, who seems to have a constant craving for children.  She has two rules: Don’t eat or drink anything and be back before the sand in her hourglass runs out.  The Faun lets his three fairies guide her and she finds a dagger that she is supposed to bring back.  However, temptation gets the best of her.  She eats two grapes, causing Pale Man to come to life and devour two fairies.  Ofelia makes it back but the Faun is angry with her for not following his rules.

            While all this is going on, we do get to see what’s going on in the real world.  Vidal is freaking insane.  He kills two farmers.  Warning that scene is graphic.  He bashes a guys head in with a bottle and shoots his father.  Later, he tortures a rebel who happens to have a stutter and when the doctor euthanizes him, he shoots the doctor.  Ofelia is caught caring for the mandrake, which infuriates Vidal.  Carmen, her mother, throws the plant into the fire which causes her health to sharply decline.  She delivers a son, but dies in the process.  Mercedes, a maid and spy for the rebels, decides to leave.  Ofelia begs to come with her and the two run off, only to be caught.

            Vidal locks Ofelia in a bedroom and attempts to torture Mercedes.  Well, turns out she can fend for herself.  She stabs Vidal three times: once in the back shoulder, once in the chest and in the mouth, making him look like the Joker.  Vidal sends his men after her, but they are killed by the rebels.  The Faun returns, telling Ofelia she has one last chance to prove herself.  She is told to get her brother and take him into the labyrinth, no questions asked.  Ofelia does as told and manages to get the baby to the place where the Faun is, but things take a twist.

            In order to open the portal, an innocent’s blood must be shed.  The Faun intends to use her brother, but Ofelia refuses.  Vidal takes the baby back, then shoots her.  He leaves the labyrinth only to come face to face with the rebels.  Accepting that he’s finally lost, he gives his son to Mercedes, asking her to tell the child about him.  She refuses and Vidal is shot in the face.  Mercedes hurries into the labyrinth to find Ofelia, but it’s too late.  She hums a lullaby and Ofelia dies.  While Ofelia is dead to the mortal world, she is reunited with her father in the Underworld.  It’s really a bittersweet ending.

            I’ve been wanting to see this movie for a while and finally got around to it tonight.  After seeing Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, I was slightly apprehensive, even though Pan’s Labyrinth has had some rave reviews.  I have to admit, I was impressed.  It made me squirm, it had me hooked and at times, I had to look away.  The setting is absolutely beautiful and del Toro has once again proved that he is quite possibly a genius.  The Faun did make me think of the Angel of Death from Hellboy 2, but I’ll overlook that this time.

            The plot is solid, the acting is top notch and yes, there are a few mistakes but those are also easy to overlook.  I loved it.  I wish I’d bought it because I do want to watch it over and over again.  While I didn’t like the scene where Ofelia is killed because I’m against any act of violence towards children, it’s appropriate and fitting.  

            The one drawback is that the movie is in Spanish but it does have English subtitles.  This really takes away from the film.  If you don’t speak the language, you’ll have to quickly read the lines while trying to absorb what’s going on.  I normally have subtitles on anyway just in case there’s a line I didn’t quite catch but in this case, I had no options.  I suck at Spanish which is odd since my father is fluent.  My Latin is much better.  I’d like to learn French too.

            I highly recommend this, but be warned, there is some intense violence in some scenes.  Lots of people get shot, someone is tortured, there’s an amputation and the scene where Vidal stitches himself…I freaked out.  I can handle damn near anything at this point but medical stuff is still beyond me.  Trust me, I’ve had to do some medical things like change bandages and clean wounds, but it still bothers me.  I’ve never been good with blood and the sight of it alone makes me very nauseated.

            So there you have it.  Let the Right One In is worth a look if you’re in the mood for a morbid Swedish vampire romance and Pan’s Labyrinth was a visual masterpiece.  I’d lean towards the second movie however.  The first one, while good, was slow and gruesome at points.

            Also, if you read my entry entitled, “Acoustic”, I apologize for it.  I wanted to help someone out and I’m pretty sure that blog was a waste of my time.  It will be deleted later today, after I’ve slept.  Why not do it now?  Because honestly, I need to sleep off the booze.  I’m a bit tipsy right now so I might make a bigger mess than I already have.

            I’m TheCinemaChick and I don’t drink often but I am an adult and if I choose to have an adult drink every so often, that’s my choice.