Eight Little Reviews

 What's up to everyone on the good old internet! You know me as TheCinemaChick and once again, I have been slacking. I do apologize for my long absence once again, but I have successfully moved locations and have had a very anxious mutt on my hands. I am now the proud momma to a four legged boy named Hamilton Osbourne. I like to call him Sir Ham of Oz but mostly, he goes by Hammy. My brother and his family are moving out of the country so I offered to take in this sweet little guy who also happens to be about as smart as a hammer. He's silly, he takes up most of the bed and he's shedding like mad but I love him dearly.

So...how've you been? How's your summer going so far?

Since I have been seeing movies, it's time for something I don't like doing, mini reviews. I'm still in the process of getting unpacked and sorted, so I just don't have time to write full ones right now. However, I promise to write one next week after Fry and I see the new Transformers movie. I know, I know, the last one was just awful but come on...Optimus Prime on a T-Rex? How cool is that? And it doesn't have Shia LeBeouf in it, which for me is another perk.

On with the list of reviews!!

1. Pompeii
   I didn't review this one because honestly, it was that bad. The plot was terrible, the acting was worse and as hot as Kit Harrington is, he just isn't ready for a leading role yet. The supporting cast didn't seem to even care about being there and the special effects lacked creativity. It was one of the worst love stories I have ever seen.

2. Muppet's Most Wanted
   Another one I didn't bother touching because I was so disappointed in it. The first movie was wonderful and I couldn't find any faults in it. This one was boring. Overly complicated for a Muppets movie and the special cameos weren't all that special. I couldn't get into the story and the only things I really liked were Josh Groban's tiny part as the criminal so dangerous he had to stay in solitary confinement the entire film only to be seen once at the very end and Tom Hiddleston as the Great Escapo...which lasted maybe thirty seconds. Everything else was just underwhelming.

3. Oculus
   Where do I even begin with this one? It was confusing and never once bothered to give us a background. Sure, we know one person was in a mental hospital and the mirror has a demon in it (I think) but that's it. It's just two siblings in a house with a mirror that messes with their minds. It switches between past and present which just gets annoying in the end and Karen Gillan...you are a very sweet woman but you couldn't hold an American accent. That Scottish voice slipped out a few times. I was totally bored. Don't even bother with it.

4. Godzilla
   Finally, a movie I didn't hate. While it probably won't be the best movie this summer, I found it highly enjoyable. The monster fights were memorable, the plot was strong and oh yeah, it has Godzilla being all badass! I have to admit, for me, the best part was the use of the score throughout. The music helped set the mood perfectly and matched what was going on onscreen. Cheers to the person who did music and scoring, you should have an award for that.
5. Maleficent
   Guys, please don't hate me, but this was another film I hated. Visually, it was great. Angelina Jolie was the best choice to play the title character but the story was so bad that I can't support it. I mean, the whole reason Maleficent hates everyone is because a man broke her heart? Why is Disney on this sudden “men are terrible and will hurt you” kick? Hans from Frozen turned out to be a villain and in this one, King Stephan is the bad guy. There is also a very obvious rape metaphor in the form of Maleficent losing her wings. This is a Disney movie. Someone point out to me the last time something this dark came up in a film intended for kids...from Disney! Watching Maleficent become a good character who ends up loving Aurora and wanting to take care of her...that's so far off from the Sleeping Beauty film! I wanted to enjoy this one even more but the only things I cared for were the visuals, the costuming and Angelina Jolie's character, when she was being villainous. Other than that...I could have gone without this one. It just didn't do it for me.

6. A Million Ways to Die in the West
   It's a Seth McFarlane comedy. It's stupid, it's vulgar and it's crass. The plot crumbles about halfway through in favor of gross out comedy.
   Not going to lie, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Despite how terrible it was, it was worth it for Neil Patrick Harris. I would see it again.

7. 22 Jump Street
   I did not see the first one but I was never lost with this film. They do a great job of doing a parody within a sequel, which helps with the comedy. Overall, it's just a little too moody for my likes with Jenko and Schmidt have a bromantic breakup. I have to admit, I don't like Jonah Hill or Channing Tatum but together, they are a great duo. When they work together, it's like magic. Apart, the story lacks momentum and becomes almost unbearably slow but when they are together, it's fantastic. They have some great dialogue, the action scenes were great and I like how they acknowledged that this is a spoof. They joke about a possible 23 Jump Street then make fun of themselves in the credits with fake ads for things like 34 Jump Street and 59 Jump Street. They don't take themselves too seriously, which is refreshing. Channing Tatum sometimes reminded me of a hyperactive child but I was ok with that. He made the movie funny and I might be able to watch more of his movies in the future. Just not anything involving “Magic Mike” ever again.

There you go folks, eight little reviews to tide you over for now. I still have “Only Lovers Left Alive”, a vampire romantic drama and “In Your Eyes”, a small film from Joss Whedon that you can watch on Vimeo. Both are on my top movies of the year list, so I want to give them a full review. What are you seeing this summer? What movie can't come fast enough for you? Have you had enough super heroes and fairy tales? Let me know! Tell me what you think and maybe I will go see a movie of your choice. Maybe it's on my list already. Who knows?

I'm TheCinemaChick and I think I will paint my nails today. I'm thinking purple...

X-Men: Days of Future Past

 Hello everyone, I'm the only and only girl who manages to spill a mixed berry smoothie on her shirt before beginning a review but you can call me TheCinemaChick. I watch a lot of movies and spend too much time at the theater but you already knew that. As usual, I'm terribly behind in my reviews but for once, I have a good reason. I am in the process of relocation. I have found an apartment and will be moving in little over a week so I've been busy packing, cleaning and getting things ready. So its not that I haven't wanted to work on my reviews, I just haven't been able to. I've got several movies in line, all of them deserving a full review, so I suppose we should just dive in to whatever movies I've got in mind.

Now, there are five movies I currently need to review, so I've written them all down on slips of paper and mixed them up in a fedora. Whatever I pull out first gets it and let's see...ironically, my first film will be the one I just saw. Ladies and gentlemen, time to break out the time machines, we're going back to the 1970s to explore “X-Men: Days of Future Past”.

This wasn't my favorite “X-Men” movie but it ranks up in the top three with me. There were some things I can't forgive with the film and there are too many unanswered questions for it to be completely satisfying. The biggest question being, why wasn't Kitty Pryde sent back in time like in the comics. According to one article I read, they didn't send her back because since the film is set in the future but takes place mostly in the 70s, Kitty wouldn't have been alive so they couldn't send her consciousness back. This makes sense to me, so I accept it.

One thing I both loved and hated was the introduction of some of the lesser known mutants, such as Bishop, Blink, Warpath, and Sunspot. I'm glad they were introduced and got to show off their powers but they are such a small part of the film. Plus, they die a few times. It gets distracting. Are they alive, are they dead, how are they still alive...I'd also like to point out that Warpath is played by BooBoo Stewart. Yes, sweet little nerdy Seth from the Twilight series has grown up and he is badass. The character designs are amazing and they fit the film very well. We also have the introduction of Quicksilver.

Quick side rant...his name is PIETRO, not PETER! That probably bothered me more than it should have every time they said it but to me, why change the name like that? It's bad enough Colossus, the Russian mutant who's skin can turn into an organic metal has gone from Piotr to Pete. Why would it be so difficult to keep it the same? Is there some sort of copyright issue going on there so they can't?

While I'm on the topic of Quicksilver, I really loved how they portrayed him. He's young, he's cocky and he just doesn't care. I thought Evan Peters did a terrific job playing the speed demon, even if he disappears completely after they get Magneto. He has one of the most memorable scenes in the entire movie, where he gets to use his powers and sort of get to see what things must look like to him. Everything looks like its going in slow motion but he's going regular speed. Even more hilarious, this little montage is set to “Time in a Bottle” by Jim Croce. I applaud the creative direction in the film but again, more Quicksilver. For instance, Logan mentions that “he knows a guy”. How do they know each other? When did they meet? How do they know each other in the future when in the movies there has been no mention of this character until now?

Also, in a short scene in an elevator, watch for a joke that only fans of the comics will understand. Magneto says he can control metal to with Peter replies, “My mom knew a guy like that once.” The awkward silence sort of hints that maybe they are father and son. It's never explicitly stated but I think the assumption is there.

Speaking of children and parents, this one ain't for the kiddies. When I went to a 7:30 showing Friday night, several people brought children as young as...probably a year or less. This movie is not child friendly! There is cursing, brief nudity and a lot of violence. The family next to me had two small children and the girl broke down and sobbed towards the climax because she was so scared. Way to go parents, you've traumatized your kid. Because there were so many children crying or talking or screaming, I had a difficult time hearing portions of the movie. I plan to see it again so I can hopefully pick up on some of the jokes I may have missed.

Like I said, this one isn't my all time favorite but it was decent. With all the unanswered questions and alterations, the overall movie just felt a little confusing and underwhelming. The actors all shine as their respective characters, especially Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan. Their younger counterparts, James McAvoy and Micheal Fassbender, are equally talented as well. I like Ellen Page but in this case, I didn't like Kitty Pryde. When did she get the power of time travel? That is never once addressed. On that note, how did Magnto get his powers back? How did Charles get his body back? Also, young Charles, stop being such a drama queen. His whining got on my nerves many times.

I do recommend this one for anyone who is a fan of the franchise already or is a fan of the comic book series. It's really fun to watch and Fry and I had a good laugh at a scene where it looks like young Magento does a pelvic thrust to move something. Folks, we now have the pelvic thrust of DOOM! I'm sure it wasn't supposed to be funny but it just didn't go as I'd hoped. There were sections where the film dragged too much or it went way off topic. Don't bother with the 3D showings because essentially, it is useless. There are maybe two scenes that benefit from it.

If I had to go back to my old ratings system, I'd say matinee this one. It was full price in HD 3D worthy but it was dollar theater bad. Let's refresh everyone on my system.

• Full price (including 3D, XD 3D)
• Full price (2D)
• Matinee (2D or 3D)
• Dollar Theater
• Redbox
• Don't even bother

Don't forget, this is a Marvel movie, so do not leave when the credits start. There isn't a mid credits scene, but an end credits scene. While I can't and won't spoil it for you, I can safely say, it got me excited. The next movie, coming out in 2016, is one of my top favorite story arcs, along with House of M, Gambit Origins and anything involving Sage or Psylocke. Who are Sage and Psylocke you ask?

Google them.

I'm TheCinemaChick and I think I'll have another.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

 What's up everyone, I'm the only and possibly only film critic you know as TheCinemaChick and I've got some good news and bad news. The good news is that I have seen the newest Captain America film, so that's what I'll be talking about in this review with minimal spoilers. The bad news is that I will not be reviewing “Noah”.


Let me explain. First and foremost, I am not comfortable discussing religious matters because everyone's opinion is different. I might inadvertantly offend a reader, which I assure you, is not my intention in any way shape or form. Second, because there are many interpretations of how this story happened, there's a chance I will offend again. And finally, after speaking with several people, I have come to the conclusion that this movie is so wrong that it's out of my league. I know the story of Noah but this...pretty much the only accurate thing about it was Noah's name and that he had an ark.


Here is a brief list of things I find wrong about “Noah” (potential spoilers):

• the stone angels that look like a cross between the Ents from Lord of the Rings and prehistoric Transformers
  
• implied incest
  
• possible cannibalism (I'm not sure on this one. The scene was short but I'm fairly certain someone was carried off and killed for meat.)
  
• sexual innuendo (Methuselah makes several comments about “picking berries”)
  
• actual sex
  
• Russell Crowe playing a Biblical character
  

I have discussed that list with three people, two of which I have had serious religious discussions with before. They all agreed that the movie makes a great drama but if you want to see an accurate story about the Bible, this is not it. Skip this one and check out “The Ten Commandments” instead.


Now, let's move on to a far more positive subject. “Captain America: The Winter Soldier” hits theaters today and I can say in all honesty, this one needs to be seen. Every Marvel fan should see it. Because of the new found popularity in 8 PM showings the day before release (what's up with that?), I saw it in a double feature last night, along with the first in the series. Let me go on record saying that the first one is not my favorite movie. It's pure exposition with very little action so for me, I find it almost painfully slow. It's just a huge setup for “The Avengers”, where he gets a chance to shine. Even then, he wasn't my favorite character because he was so “apple pie, all American good boy” and he never really strayed from that.


Fortunately, that changes in “The Winter Soldier”. Steve Rogers (still played by Chris Evans) is still that good old boy you love but when the action starts, he becomes hardened, a little darker. Needless to say, I finally see the why women think Captain America is so attractive. I like that his character has a little more depth to him. He's more relateable and less...perfect. Even better, he's got a sense of humor. Steve is no longer this lost little puppy trying to get by. It's good to see that he's better adjusted to the times and he's learned the wonders of the internet. I like seeing his progress, but that he's also still catching up. It's sort of cute.


If you've seen the previews, you know something big is going to happen in this film. You know that Natasha Romanoff (Scarlett Johansson) returns and that we have the introduction of a new villain, The Winter Soldier. I won't spoil who it is for you but come on...it's really obvious. IMDB tells you who it is and the name itself should be a clue. Winter Solider...hmm...what could that mean...I won't tell you who it is. I'll leave that to you to discover. While I'm on the topic, the reveal is both awesome and heartbreaking. When Steve realizes who his enemy is...you just want to hug him and give him a cookie.


**Semi-spoiler: If you haven't seen the first “Captain America” OR “The Avengers” (and if you haven't, why haven't you?) DO NOT see “The Winter Soldier”! There are connections you will not be able to make if you haven't seen the previous two films. Trust me on this one guys. You MUST see those before seeing this one.**


Also, if you've seen the previews, you know that someone dies. I won't say who but keep one thing in mind...not everything is as it seems. That becomes a highly important thing to consider about halfway through the film.


Let's go into what I didn't like because surprisingly, there aren't that many things I hated. Like with many Marvel films, it takes a little while for the action to get started and the first act does drag by a little. There are some really lame jokes, a lot of comments about Steve's love life and other little things that don't seem to fit in. It's ok, it adds some light touches to a film that gets increasingly darker but it just gets old fast. Some of the effects didn't wow me like I had hoped and here's a huge question I have. Where the hell are the Avengers? I mean, I'm sure Tony Stark or Bruce Banner can spare some time to help Steve.


They're all a part of SHIELD, right? Even though things get really tangled (again, spoilers if I say how), surely Tony or Bruce could spare a few days to lend a hand. Hell, Thor could help out since he's on Earth now. And no, that's not a spoiler since “Thor: The Dark World” has been out since November is currently on DVD and Blu-Ray. I have a digital copy. But even then, why couldn't the other Avengers step in and help a little? I get that this is Steve's movie, but Natasha is present throughout. Why shouldn't his friends get a little action in this one? There's only one brief mention of the Avengers that you can't miss.


Also, don't forget to be on the look out for Stan Lee's cameo.


The film is roughly two hours and fifteen minutes long, which, in some cases, feels like an eternity. In this case, it feels like it's maybe half that. Even with the first act being a bit sluggish, the second and third act increase in intensity to the point where you are so absorbed in the story that you don't notice the time. The film creates an atmosphere of mistrust, danger, mystery and fear. They emphasize the idea of disbelief. Who can you trust? Who is your friend? Are you really safe when you're in your own home?


I honestly really enjoyed this film. Fry and I were guessing the entire time, trying to figure out, who was behind the whole thing, who did what and just what would happen. For the most part, we were wrong. We enjoyed the little twists and turns the film presented us with. The final confrontation had both of us on the edges of our seats, even if we basically knew what would happen. The characters are enjoyable, especially the addition of The Falcon or Sam Wilson (Anthony Mackie). He adds some humor and he seems to get along really well with Steve Rodgers. In fact, Mackie and Evans had great chemistry, like they're best friends off screen and this was just an extension of that.


Hey Marvel...please bring Sam Wilson back. Don't let his story be over yet.


And, as with every Marvel film, there is a post credit scene. Actually, there are two, post credit and mid credit. The post credit scene is really vague and possibly sets up for a spin off movie. I'm not sure if it was a happy, sad or angry scene but...if it does become a separate movie, I'd like to see it. The mid credit scene...oh my goodness, I was so excited to see it. This sets up the story for the next Avengers film. It features two very important (and somewhat controversial because of the casting choice...I'll get to that in a moment) characters that will play a huge part in upcoming movies. No matter what, stay for the credits!


About the casting controversy...in X-Men: Days of Future Past, Evan Peters plays him and people are not happy about that. They also hate his character design, which I don't see a problem with. HOWEVER, in Avengers: Age of Ultron, he's played by Aaron Taylor-Johnson. I'm kind of wondering how this is going two work out. Now I'm really curious...


I'm not going to lie, I loved “Captain America: The Winter Soldier” and recommend it to anyone who's interested. Remember, you need to see the previous two films in order to understand some things in this one. The story gets really intense at some points and it really gets you hooked. It's already taken in over seventy five million in box office revenue overseas and I'm confident in saying that this weekend alone, it will take in over thirty million domestic.


What's next on my list? I have no idea! Perhaps I'll tackle an issue I've just noticed about the Marvel movieverse. Maybe I'll go into a “Back to Basics” and take a look st some of my favorite films. I know Kit Kat and I are planning on writing a Trailer Trash together where we look at the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles trailer. After that...I still don't know. I'd like to see Oculus, the paranormal thriller starring Karen Gillan better known as Amy Pond. By the way, she is a very tall woman. She's also really sweet and I'm glad she came out to the Dallas Sci Fi Expo.


Speaking of conventions...the Dallas Comic Con is approaching and guess who's coming? Stan Freaking Lee is coming! THE STAN LEE! And I splurged on a Premium ticket so I have all the perks and privileges that come with it, including a VIP lounge.


I would also like to announce that this will be my final con. The prices are shot up, cosplays take a lot of time and money and honestly, it's no longer worth it. When I get the chance, I will attend the San Francisco Comic Con, the penultimate con for all nerds like me. Other than that, consider this my retirement from cosplay. I had fun and I will miss it, but again...the costs aren't worth it anymore. If I'm ever invited to be a media guest because I'm a blogger and I do podcasts, I think I could qualify. Don't worry guys, I'll add a link to the podcasts so you can enjoy them too.



I'm TheCinemaChick and look for me in the upcoming Avengers. I'll save the world with my super snark powers.

Divergent

 Hey everyone, I'm your faithful film freak and I'm currently lacking in the sleep department. I won't bore you with the details as to why I didn't get any sleep last night Of course, it didn't help that my brother was in town and he decided to wake me up. Let this be a lesson children, running on less than 2 hours of sleep isn't fun.


Say, are you in the mood for another young adult oriented film set in a fictional dystopia starring attractive young celebrities? I know I sure am. Because “The Hunger Games” has proved to be a worldwide success, other YA books are being adapted into film. However, having seen several of these movies, they're starting to blur together. I think it's great we have young female heroines for girls to look up to. Katniss Everdeen is our Mockingjay, showing us that we can make a huge impact on the world, even if we are just one person. Hermione Granger from Harry Potter taught us that brains as just as sexy as beauty.


Now we can add Beatrice “Tris” Prior to the list.


Well...I didn't exactly see her as a heroine. Sure, she's young and brave and ready to face all her new challenges but overall, she bored me. Her attitude is wishy washy at best. She can't seem to make a decision until she's absolutely forced to. Like, when her test results prove to be Divergent (which is actually bad in this world) she cannot choose her faction.


Let me spoil this real quick. In this version of a war torn Chicago, everyone is divided into factions in order to keep the peace. We have Abnegation, the selfless, Amity, the peaceful, Erudite, the intelligent, Candor, the honest and Dauntless, the fearless. Tris is in Abnegation but she's bored, questioning why she has to always be selfless. She can't even appreciate what she has because she can't seem to accept that she's Abnegation. So when the day to choose her faction comes, she goes back and forth between Dauntless and Erudite. It's not hard to guess what she picked if you've seen the trailers. Even after she joins her new faction, she questions everything.


I will give Tris some credit. She is determined. Even when everyone doubts her, she practices twice as hard as everyone else. Plus, I really like Shaliene Woodley. I see great things for her in the future and I am looking forward to seeing her performance in “The Fault In Our Stars”. I have yet to read that book but I picked up today. I did read some of “Divergent” and to my surprise, it isn't too bad. Ironically, the pacing of the text is extremely fast so it feels like everything happens in a matter of hours instead of days. It was almost dizzying for me. The film, however, is agonizingly slow. I get that you have to add in the exposition but you can leave some things out.


Let me side track for a moment. I want to talk about Four and yes that's his name in the movie. He's not bad looking. I actually thought it was Dave Franco at first but its not. It's Theo James, someone I know nothing about. I basically have no idea who any of these people are, save for Kate Winslet. Before this, I didn't even know who Woodley was, so this movie came as a pleasant surprise. She's actually good. As for everyone else, sorry, you're not memorable. I know Zoe Kravitz plays Christina, who ends up being Tris's best friend. She is a source of humor and mild comic relief but as with everyone else, lackluster.


Don't think I hated this film because in all honesty, I am indifferent. It wasn't great but it wasn't a failure. It knows its target audience and catered to that crowd. Speaking of the teenage audience...I have absolutely no shame in the fact that I yelled “Shut the hell up!” at you. I don't know why you felt it necessary to freak out when Four took his shirt off. He's not cute. And I'm too old for your crap. You should also know better than to cheer and whoop like that. Shame on you and shame on your chaperones for not stopping it. We were in a packed theater, so thank you for distracting everyone.


Also, woman who took a picture of her food, in the dark WITH FLASH...I don't care how good it looked, Instagram can wait.


Anyway, here's my main issue with “Divergent”. The book has some really interesting scenes where people are learning to train or they're getting to know each other better. The film plays the romance up so much. It dominates the film to the point where the main plot gets lost at times. Like, in the book, Four doesn't make his attraction to Tris so freaking obvious. He's more subtle, helping her in smaller ways but almost admitting he cares about her at one point. She asks what he has against her and why he hates her and Four almost says something along the lines of “I don't hate you I...”


Nerd moment. Doctor Who reference here. Let's all go back to when Rose was stranded and the Doctor was burning up a sun just to say goodbye...”Rose Tyler, I...”


IT NEEDS SAYING...IN BOTH CASES!


My other problem is that while it is exposition heavy, it also skips it at the same time. For instance, we don't get to know anything about the Prior family before the choosing day while in the book, we get to see more of Caleb and Beatrice's relationship. Like how she knew which faction he'd pick all along. So, while certain aspects, such as the romance, were emphasized heavily, some of the things I found more important were left out. For instance, in the text, Beatrice is bullied and treated horribly by almost everyone because she's from Abnegation. They don't just all become friends overnight. In fact, there are three people who constantly harass her.


Then again, there is also a scene involving a butter knife and an eyeball...glad that was left out.


But there's also this vague explanation about why they have factions. “The war tore us apart so this is to keep the peace.” Ok...why was there a war? Why did it destroy Chicago? What makes a person Divergent? I get that they have no strong leaning towards one faction but couldn't that be true of anyone? In all fairness, I have not read past this book, so I have no knowledge of what to expect. However, thanks to all you lovely fans on Pintrest, I know something really bad happens in the final book. Let me guess...Four dies?


But really, it's not a terrible movie. It's not the best movie I've seen this year, that still goes to Walter Mitty. The characters are interesting, the plot works out quite well and you do get genuinely absorbed to a point where you can tell what's real and what's a hallucination. However, because the romantic aspect is so important, I got bored of it. We get it, Tris and Four have a thing! It's as obvious as the twist about Eric. Also, Tris doesn't seem to see consequences from so of her actions. She breaks the rules and is praised by Four. She leaves the Dauntless training area for an entire day, doesn't get in trouble. It would be nice to know she isn't exempt from the rules.


I don't want to see this movie again but it was good enough to make me want to finish the book and start on the second one. If and when the sequel, “Insurgent” comes to theaters, I'll pay for a ticket. Overall, it is a decent film, even if it feels far too long and is clearly aimed at girls half my age. And I feel incredibly old saying that.


I want to make a quick not before my usual goofy sign off. Fry and I are planning to see “Noah” but I am extremely hesitant on whether I will review it or not. For one, its steadily becoming more controversial because of its inaccuracies and because I'm not comfortable discussing religious matters in general. It's nothing against religion, I just do not like discussing it. I'm always afraid I'll misquote something and offend someone. Should I choose to review “Noah”, I will make sure I have several people to consult. Mostly because knowing my luck, I'd somehow manage to say that Moses took unicorns in his helicopter. I apologize if that's out of line but I have been known to get a story so wrong no one even knows where it came from.


Other than that, Fry and I are attending a Captain America double feature on Thursday, so you have that to look forward to. I need to review “Pompeii” still. Don't laugh...I actually forgot that I'd seen it. That's how mediocre it was. It wasn't memorable at all. So that'll get written soon. Then I need to touch on “Muppets Most Wanted” which, sadly, was a bit of a let down for me.



I'm TheCinemaChick and I could be in my pajamas right now...with naked feet.

300: Rise of an Empire

 Hello everyone, I'm TheCinemaChick and I review all kinds of movies! I've seen it all, good and bad. Today, let's talk about the bad. Well, not bad so much as it needlessly gory and overly violent when it just didn't make sense. The first one was great and having watched it again, I can appreciate it more. In case you couldn't tell, we're discussing a sequel, one that did fairly well for roughly two weeks then failed miserably to “Mr. Peabody and Sherman”. Honestly, did not see that coming.


So, let's dive into the bloody water that is 300: Rise of an Empire.


First off, let me say that I hated this movie. It's on my worst of 2014 list and I've sat through some really bad movies. And its not that the film itself is bad but there are so many elements that I just couldn't stand that it ended up being a failure in my book. Remember, this is my personal opinion and I know that lots of people loved this movie and found it to be one of the best action films of the year but why? Seriously, I don't get why this movie is so great.


Bear in mind, this is a sequel but it's also a prequel. Ok, it starts off before the main story of the first movie, then goes to the future, to the present, back to the past and to the present and eventually just gets a little muddled. They spend a lot of time reminding the audience that oh yes, Leonidas and the 300 are in fact dead. Seriously, this is repeated more times than it should have been. Then we completely switch gears to someone else's story which has almost nothing to do with the original. There are maybe four scenes that connect the two. Beyond that, there's mostly just a voice over provided by Lena Headey, the queen of Sparta. Did you know her name is Gorgo? I didn't until this movie. And as we all remember, I absolutely loathe the voice over. It's clunky, its distracting and if you can't start a story without reading us a chapter from a book, you fail.


Anyway, “300: Rise of an Empire” focuses mainly on Themistocles and his army. This time, we're going up against the navy...that's led by a woman? Yeah, you heard me right on this one. Xerxes returns as well and in this film, we actually get to see how he became a god-king. I'm really not sure how that worked out. Walking into a cave of hermits and submerging yourself in an underground lake makes you shiny and gold? What powers does he have as a god-king? Why doesn't he seem to own a single pair of pants or even a man-skirt? Mostly, why the hell is he gold? I seriously don't get that. We get to see Xerxes as a man, who was apparently a prince. He then gets manipulated by Atemisia (I'll get to her in a moment) and somehow, this leads to an all out battle on the sea.


Let's discuss our main, badass female antagonist. She's a bitch, no other way to put it. She kills for the sake of killing, shows absolutely no emotion and has a serious vendetta against Greece. I'll admit, I can see why she has the animosity. Greeks killed her family, kidnapped her, turned her into a sex slave and left her for dead. I get that, you're the Loki of ancient Greece. Go eat some ice cream, get some therapy, maybe a kitten and everything will be ok. Seriously, beheading your...brother?...will not heal the pain. Also of he was your “brother” why did you kiss him after slicing his head off? It doesn't make any sense? We get it, your a navy captain with a heart as black as your awesome costumes!


It seems Artemisia and Themistocles have something between them because they are constantly changing tactics and trying to kill each other. It kind of gets old after a while. Attack, regroup, attack, regroup, negotiation, extremely awkward and probably supposed to be kinky sex scene with a very sad attempt at humor mixed in then blah...why did we need to have the sex scene anyway? Because the first one had one? It's just hair pulling, slamming into walls, lots of anger and an abrupt end with neither party being satisfied. And it seems the guards can actually hear this angry sex but they just look at each other like “I wonder what's going on in there? We better just stand here and wait it out. Can't be too bad if no one's screaming. It's just loud thumps, banging and crashing, no big deal. Let's keep staring at the water in the dark. Man, it sure is a lovely night.”


What are they thinking about? Guarding her? Well, obviously not since no one's looking after Artemisia. I get that she's a strong woman who can handle herself but why not have a guard in there as an insurance policy. Things go wrong, Themistocles gets killed, Persians win the war. Simple as that. Ok, this has some base in fact but I don't know the story well enough to say how it actually happened and I ain't going to look it up now. I've got things to do, other than write about movies, although, I love writing about movies.


Here's why I hated this film. The chronology is so bad that I had trouble telling when it was past, present and future. There are two scenes when Themistocles goes to Gorgo to ask for help and there was only one thing that set the time for me. David Wenham pops in a few times to remind us that he was also in the first movie. In one scene, he has both eyes and in another, he only has one. Remember, in the first film, he was sent home because he lost an eye in battle. His name was Dilios. That makes me giggle.


And now, let's get to the main source of my rage. “300” is a violent movie with slow motion blood and plenty of violence. It is tame in comparison to its sequel. “Rise of an Empire” has a massive increase in stylized violence, far more than it's predecessor. It is obscenely violent and the amount of bloodshed is disgusting. We get to see hundreds of people murdered in some of the most gruesome ways possible. Oh, and its in 3D so you get to see the blood coming straight at you. That's freaking disgusting. If it had been used infrequently, it would have been effective but because it becomes a constant thing, the gore loses all value and just becomes asinine. What's the point of emphasizing the atrocities of war when there is no other focus on the story? Yes, we get to see how Xerxes became Xerxes, we get to see why Artemisia hates the Greeks so passionately but some of the dots weren't connected.


My only positive note is that the final five minutes are awesome. I want to spoil it but some of you haven't seen it yet. It gave me a new appreciation for “300” and some of its characters. Just...remember when Leonidas and Xerxes are talking about sending the Spartan women into battle? Keep that scene in mind during the ending.


Overall, I just hated “300: Rise of an Empire”. The action was way too overdone, the violence and blood shed is just ridiculous, the plot doesn't quite hold together and honestly, every attempt at humor failed miserably. The 3D detracted from the experience. I respect Artemisia, even though she was a flat character. She had the definite heart of stone, complete bitch thing going and holy hell, her costumes are amazing. Gorgo gets some points for something I can't spoil but everyone else...either the ending is unsatisfying of left vague. If you've seen it and you know what happened with Xerxes towards the end, let me know because I don't.



I'm TheCinemaChick and I'll be entering a short story contest. Wish me luck.

Everything is Awesome!!

 Hello everyone out there sitting at a computer! I'm the one and only girl, TheCinemaChick and as always, I review movies. Now, I actually have 4 movies left before I'm totally caught up with my list but there's a little hitch. One I'm going to save for later (I have my reasons) and the other two will never be reviewed. I will never speak of them and I will not mention the name. In short, I am so embarrassed to have seen it that I regret seeing it. The thing is, it was not a bad movie. It wasn't great but it was decent. However, because of the highly graphic and extremely controversial material, I will not touch this one with a twenty foot pole and a can of disinfectant.


If you're wondering what it is...I'm not talking. Only two other people know the title.


However, I'm not here to talk about films that will leave me mentally scarred for life! Instead, I want to talk about a film that I can finally say is perfect. I don't mean perfect in the sense that there are no flaws and its not boring. What I'm saying is that its a family film that the entire family can enjoy together. Sure, most Disney movies are like that but my nephews and niece all agreed that “Frozen” scared them a little. This film, however, should be an absolute delight.


Guys... “The Lego Movie”.


I went in thinking it would be a movie solely for the little kids. The bright colors, over enthusiastic characters, the fairly simple dialogue...it didn't win me over. Since there was nothing else to see at the time, Fry and I figured we may as well see it. We didn't expect much from it. By the end of the movie, our tunes had changed. We spent nearly the entire movie laughing. The best part is that even though it is aimed at a younger audience, the adult audience can love it too. None of the jokes are complicated so everyone can understand it. Not to mention...those graphics. It seriously looks it was really made of Legos. The animation is that incredible. The amount of effort put into this is absolutely astounding.


I know it's computer animated and my brain knows this but it's so hard to accept. A lot of time and planning had to go into this before it was even considered. Who even thought up the idea of making a movie of and about Legos? If you think about it, most of the toy/video game adaptations have been major failures. Look at “Battleship”. Look at the most recent box office bomb “Need For Speed”. The only movie I can think of that didn't fail epically is “Clue” but even that wasn't a huge hit. It does, however, have a huge cult following. Let's be honest, that movie is hilarious and no one can hate Tim Curry.


Anyway, I did mention that I went into this with very low expectations. I expected a very childish movie. To my complete surprise, it wasn't that bad. The jokes work on every level. Little kids and adults can bond over this but Legos are one toy that has survived the ages. Most of the toys have become a thing of the past, losing their value because of the digital age. Most children seem to want to play on computers, iPads, iPhones, etc. However, things like the miniature plastic blocks seem to be timeless.


This is one of those typical “loser turns out to be the hero and gets the girl” story. Emmett is a guy stuck in a world where he doesn't stand out at all. He knows everyone but no one seems to know him. Things take a huge turn when he crosses paths with Wildstyle, the rebellious girl who doesn't follow the rules. They embark on an adventure to stop the evil Lord Business and make sure all the worlds are safe. This is sort of like a massive advertisement for Legos since it does come across as a commercial at times. But, it doesn't matter because it's so appealing.


Let's discuss the characters. There are tons of cameos in this, some of which you'd never expect. As far as fictional characters, you've probably seen Wonder Woman, Superman and Batman from the previews. There's also Gandalf, Dumbledore, The Flash, Green Lantern, Shaquille O' Neal and oh yes, Lando freaking Calrissian! The man from Cloud City (along with this iconic voice provided by Billy Dee Williams) makes an appearance. And oh yes, Anthony Daniels, C-3PO, is also in this movie. The amount of talent put into this is astronomical. And the dialogue...oh my goodness let's discuss that.


There is absolutely no cursing or offensive language or any sort. The worst thing said is “heck” and “gosh”. Seriously. It really is family friendly, which I cannot stress enough. If you want something that everyone can laugh at, that everyone can enjoy, “The Lego Movie” is perfect. There are some parts that might be a little bit scary for younger kids, but overall, I see no harm in taking a child as young as four to see it. I'm an adult and I want to see it again and again. I enjoyed it almost as much as I enjoyed “Frozen”. Sorry to “The Lego Movie” but “Frozen” had music that got stuck in my head.


I have nothing bad to say about this one. It's going to end up as one of my top favorite films this year. There's no reason for people to not see this. I can give you one really good reason. Morgan Freeman as Vitruvius. Yes. Morgan Freeman.


I'm almost done catching up at long last. I've still got to touch on “300: Rise of an Empire” and why I absolutely hated it then later this week, I'll be reporting on the newest “Muppets” movie and possibly “Divergent”. I don't know much about “Divergent” but I have been reading it. So far, it's just ok. The pacing is terrible, the descriptions are almost nonexistant and the main character isn't all that interesting. But, far be it from me to judge a book based on its movie. Unless its both a bad book and a bad movie.



I'm TheCinemaChick and I've got an orange.

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

 What's up guys, I'm the ever (not really) popular critic, TheCinemaChick! I know, I know, once again, I have been slacking but there have been some major events in this past month that have prevented me from writing. March has not been a kind month.


To start, my deepest and sincerest condolences to Kit Kat. She lost her father very suddenly and she's...well, she's doing ok, but I worry. We've both lost parents so we understand each other's sorrow. It breaks my heart. I knew her family, having spent a week with her over the summer. He was a very kind, warm hearted man.


A few days later, I saw on the news that a woman had gone missing in New Mexico. Normally, I tend to ignore those stories but when I saw a picture of her...well, I flipped out a little. If you haven't heard, an elementary school teacher and mother of 2 was beaten and strangled to death. She was from the Richardson area. The thing is, I didn't know her as a mother and teacher. I knew her as my neighbor. Her family has lived next door since I was roughly 7. I'd known her about 22 years. Having two major losses in such a short time really hit hard, plus it was time for midterms.


I'm sorry I'm never up to date but understand, life happens to us all. Sometimes, things are just unavoidable. Those two deaths are both tragic and untimely.


Now, this is a movie I hadn't planned to see. It didn't interest me but a friend of mine...who doesn't have a nickname yet...insisted I watch it. Since I had some time that night, I sat down, pressed play and soon became enveloped in a movie that could have been a fairy tale. Folks, if you haven't seen “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty”, consider renting it and watching it. Seriously, I dismissed it, thinking it was going to be boring but I am so glad I was wrong. My friend, let's call him The Canadian, really pushed this one on me. He and I share a love of movies. I quickly learned that he has excellent taste.


Walter Mitty is a normal man, one who goes unnoticed and stays quiet. Others pick on him and he has a crush on his coworker. He works at Life magazine, dealing with photographs and their negatives. While working on photographs for the magazine's last print issue, Walter is collecting negatives from Sean O'Connell, but one of them is missing. However, the transition manager, Tod Hendricks, becomes increasingly difficult. When Walter thinks he sees O'Connell inviting him on some sort of “treasure hunt”, he sets off for Greenland.


What could this treasure possibly be, you're wondering? It's a single frame. One negative, frame 25, is missing. Tod wants that particular one for the issue and will not give up on it. Once in Greenland, Walter embarks on this wonderous journey to discover the truth about the photo. This is where I say its like a fairy tail. He's seeking the mythical treasure to impress his lady and defeat evil. Before he can really do that, he must go through numerous trials and tribulations. He basically travels alone across the country, meeting various characters, like the drunk pilot, the fishing crew and the man who warns him about the volcano.


During his journey, he keeps in contact with Cheryl, the woman he loves and Todd (not to be confused with Tod), who is an eHarmony customer service person. He relays the story to both of them, earning popularity with both people. However, he must abandon his search when he recieves word to immediately return to New York. Most of the staff is being let go but Walter is fired for not being able to obtain the negative. Discouraged, he visits his mother. She knows Sean and had previously mentioned this to Walter, who had been lost in a daydream. Feeling hopeful again, he takes off and travels through the Himalayas until he finally reaches the end of his long journey. He finally meets Sean O'Connell while he is trying to snap a shot of a rare snow leopard.


This is where Walter Mitty learns the moral of the story. Sometimes, what you're looking for has been in your hands the entire time. By this he means, “hey, that wallet your mother gave you...it had the negative you've been looking for all along.” They head back down the mountain and play soccer with some locals. It seems Walter now knows the meaning of his life...to be happy and not let others bully him. He flies into Los angeles where he is detained and calls the only person he knows in the city: Todd. For the first time, they meet and seemingly become friends. I say seemingly because it's never mentioned or brought up again.


Back home, Walter and his sister Odessa (who has been in a few scenes but I found her insufferable) help their mother sell her beloved piano. He mentions what O'Connell said to him and that he had actually tossed the wallet in the garbage. Thankfully, his mother tends to hang on to his little knick knacks and has it in her possession.


This next part was by far my favorite.


Walter never looks at the picture. He takes it and walks into a meeting Tod is holding. The negative is slammed on the table and Walter berates Tod for mistreating and disrespecting the entire staff before letting them go. Without so much as a second glance, he leaves. Walter Mitty has finally learned to stand up for himself and what he believes in.


The movie has a happy ending, which I loved. The subtle romantic subplot did not detract from the overall feel at any way. It added to it. Walter and Cheryl end up together, holding hands after they see the final issue of the magazine. To both their surprises, it is not the negative Tod had obssessed over so much. It is Walter, examining a negative. The text salutes the staff, praising them for all their hard work.


If you want a movie that will make you feel good, definitely check this one out. It does start off a little slow but trust me, it just gets better. For me, I could see parts of myself in Walter. I'm not the most outgoing person in the world and I should stand up for myself more. Seeing Walter actually inspired me to stop being so hard on myself and accept that my life will have some amazing journeys and that I can and will change for the better. For instance, I have spent 2 weeks traveling Europe, where I stood on the edge of a mountain, went halfway up the Eiffel Tower.


I highly recommend this one, especially now that it's in DVD. It's a wonderful film that really went unnoticed. I did learn it is a remake but I have yet to see the original. As of right now, I have no desire to do so. There's enough going on in my life so I can't really add much more. School is about to pick up again and I've got other things to do. Basically, it's a great story, its inspiring and there's nothing to hate. “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty” should be on your movie list. It's a feel good film that doesn't overdo the whole “we're trying to inspire you and make you feel awesome” thing.



I'm TheCinemaChick and I think it's going to rain today.