Green Lantern to the rescue?

Hello, I'm TheCinemaChick and I'm here to save you from wasting money on crap movies.  I'm not saying that all movies I see are crap, nor am I saying that Green Lantern was a terrible movie.  Well, I am saying that in this case...moving on.

Yes, I went and saw Green Lantern last night and to be honest, I didn't like it.  I am a comic book fan, but I'm not big on DC.  My dear friends Squee and Spartacus (obviously not their real names) have explained the Lantern comics to me, but that was well over a year ago, so I don't remember all of what they told me about it.  So, with what little knowledge I had, I braved the crowd to see this new release.

Before I begin, I just want to toss something out there.  I'm not a teenager.  I'm twenty-something, I'm pushy and I yell at people.  I have no shame in yelling at a bunch of teenagers who won't shut the hell up.  In fact, there was a group of teens in the theater last night, about eight of them, who were being obnoxious little brats. Since no one else would do it, I cleared my throat and shouted, "Please be quiet!"  That's right.  When TheCinemaChick raises her voice, you listen.

While on the topic of things that annoy me in theaters, put your damn cell phones away!  I like to sit at the top of the seats and when you use your phone, I can see it.  It's distracting as hell.  If you feel someone throwing popcorn at you when you use your phone during a movie, that's me.  Don't get mad at me, you deserve it for being disrespectful to the others.  I'm not afraid to come after you.

And now, let's get into the newest Ryan Reynolds soon to be bomb, Green Lantern.  As I mentioned, I'm not familiar with this fandom.  I didn't like this movie.  It's not because it's a DC movie or even because it's Ryan Reynolds, but the movie itself was a letdown.  There were so many scenes where I wondered "Why is this shot in here?" or "What does this have to do with the plot?"  And there was a romance angle worked in between Hal Jordan (Reynolds) and Carol Ferris (Blake Lively), which was just awkward.  They made it clear that something in the past had happened to create distance between them, but never bothered to say what it was, unless I totally missed that.  Also, we get a glimpse at Hal's family.  We get the one scene with them and they are never mentioned again.  It's obvious he cares about his nephew, so why isn't he ever mentioned after the birthday scene?  And what was with the random blond chick in Hal's bed in the beginning?  Are we supposed to believe that Hal is a womanizer?

Another thing that bothers me.  Hal Jordan is a pilot.  We get one scene that involves him flying, then it's nothing but everyone else talking about him being a pilot.  I don't understand this either.  Why is there so much emphasis placed on his occupation when he's never shown at it?  How come being a pilot is such a big deal?

Yes, the main theme of this story is overcoming fear, but once again, why is him being a pilot such a big deal? There are tons of other people who could have been chosen, so what made Hal so damn special?  Ok, ok, Abin Sur tells Hal that the ring chose him, but again, what made this one particular person the chosen one?

And the enemy of this movie is Parallax...who I guess is the physical manifestation of fear?  If you can tell me what he is, please do.  I thought he looked like a giant octopus made of ash.  He kills of Hector Hammond, who was also the villain...I think.  Hammond is a xenobiologist who performs the autopsy on Abin Sur after he dies.  Apparently, the purple alien had something on him that infected the human which caused his head to swell to massive and creepy proportions.  I'm guessing Parallax is like a disease.  I don't know.  I have a ton of things that were left wide open for me.  The ending also left me very unsatisfied.  They built up so much anticipation for it, then it was done in like five minutes.

One thing I did like is how the movie poked fun at super heroes and masks  Everyone figures out who the Green Lantern is without him having to reveal it to the world.  Carol even says "Just because I can't see your cheekbones doesn't mean I don't recognize you."
Thank you!
It's like, how the hell don't people know Clark Kent is Superman?  He takes off his glasses and no one knows it's him?  Or is it the brightly colored spandex and cape?  Most of the time, you can easily tell how the super hero really is, despite his mask.  The only exception I can think of is the Christian Bale Batman.  This guy has the suit with the mask that covers most of his face and his voice goes all gravelly.  Now that I understand that, I appreciate his performance even more.  But seriously, it's so obviously still Ryan Reynolds that you'd have to not be looking to not know who it was.  The mask does not hide your identity!

And of course, there is a bonus scene in the credits that sets up for a sequel with the Yellow Lanterns.  Yellow Lanterns have the power of fear.  However, my predictions for this film aren't good.  I'm predicting Green Lantern will make roughly $30-$40 million this weekend and ticket sales will sharply decline when Cars 2 comes out.

And by the way, Mr. Popper's Penguins is getting better reviews. That should tell you something.

Well, I think I've ranted enough about how much I didn't like this movie.  Based on my made up ratings system, I'd say see it in the dollar theater.  Yeah...it's not even worth a matinee.

What's next for TheCinemaChick?
I'm going to a special showing of Lord of The Rings on Tuesday.  The Fellowship of the Ring was last week, so this week is The Two Towers, which is my personal favorite.

It's also Fry's birthday present.  She's going to gain another year in about a week, so she can joke about me being an old woman anymore.

*panics for a moment*

Ok, I just avoided having to scream.  My lovely browser crashed, but thankfully, blogger has autosave so I had a copy of it saved.

Well, that's all I have to say.  I may see Mr. Popper's Penguins, The Art of Getting By and Cars 2.

I am, however, going to "Potter-kah".  Four days with 8 Harry Potter movies leading up to the midnight premire of the final Deathly Hallows film.  I am SUPER excited and thank you to Harkins Theater Southlake for giving me that tip!  I love your theater and will be visiting it more often.

I'm TheCinemaChick and I'm probably throwing popcorn at you right now.