All you need is 20 seconds of courage

            Happy holidays everyone, I’m you friendly local movie reviewer, TheCinemaChick.  I won’t say where I’m local, but I’m fairly popular in the UK and Russia.  I learned a very important lesson tonight.  Christmas is a popular night for movies so parking can be a nightmare.  Yeah…plus, I needed a few hours out since I’ve been homebound for a few days.  Butterfly wanted to go out, Fry was already with me so we went out and watched We Bought a Zoo.

            I’ll admit, this wasn’t one I was dying to see but it did have my curiosity peaked.  It stars Matt Damon and Scarlet Johanssen.  There are some interesting characters throughout the film which made it a little more bearable.  For instance, Patrick Fugit has a minor role.  Most people won’t know who he is, but he’s done some incredible work.  Check him out in White Oleander or Wristcutters: A Love Story.  The latter film sounds morbid, but it’s fairly interesting.  I would recommend that very much.

            We Bought a Zoo wasn’t the most entertaining or exciting film.  It was cute, but far from making my top eleven favorites list.  The main plot is about Benjamin Mee, who buys a house that has a zoo on the property.  He spends the movie renovating the zoo so it can be opened in time for summer.  Then we have the subplot.  He’s also a single father who’s raising a fourteen year old son and a seven year old daughter after their mother dies six months before the movie begins.  It’s never really explained how she died, but they keep mentioning her.  But wait, there’s still two more plots to go.  There’s two love stories, one with the son and one with Benjamin

            I mean, the movie wasn’t bad by any means, it just isn’t my cup of coffee.  One thing that irked me to no end was this is being promoted as a family film.

            DO NOT take small children to see this.  Teenagers and above, sure, go ahead and see it but there is some foul language that I was shocked to hear.  To make things worse, some if it is said by the fourteen year old and seven year old.  I’m sorry, but when I was that age, if I used words like that, my parents either grounded me or used soap in my mouth.  Maybe times have seriously changed since then, but I don’t think children should even hear their parents use them.  I’ll admit to slipping up and uttering a swear word, but never around children or family.

            Also, the movie is fairly long, about two and a half hours.  The sad thing is, it feels that long.  I was never truly sucked in but that might have been because of the noisy family behind me.  Small rant: don’t let your children roam the theater unaccompanied, then have them return and ask in a very loud voice “What happened?”  I’m sorry, but if you were sitting quietly and watching the film like the rest of us, you’d know what’s going on.

            So despite all that, I did like it.  I shows the struggles of a family coping with the loss of a parent while trying to maintain a sense of normality.  No family is perfect and they do have issues to work out.  Once Benjamin realizes his own mistakes, he is able to reach out to his son.  When forced to make a choice about the life of an elderly tiger, he is forced to confront his own problems with mortality.

            There is also one message that I loved.  The son asks the father for advice about girls to which he says (basically, not word for word): “All you need is twenty seconds of courage to embarrass and humiliate yourself.”  If you think about it, he’s right.  Sometimes, speaking the truth is embarrassing and humiliating, but it’s better to get it out there than to keep it inside or lie.  If I had twenty seconds to be courageous…wow, there’s so much I’d want to say.  I’d tell this one guy how I felt about him (and that’s not implying I have feelings for him.  I would tell him off.)  I would stand outside and confess that I don’t agree with how being beautiful shouldn’t not depend on weight or physical appearance.

            I do recommend We Bought a Zoo.  While it’s not the best thing I’ve ever seen, it’s still really good.  It sends a good message which so few movies do lately.  Like I said, this one isn’t for the kiddies due to the coarse language.  It’s cute, it has some awesome animals in it and it deals with things that happen to regular people.  And what’s strange is that there is no objectionable content other than the swearing.  It’s really a shame.  This film could have been a great holiday family film.  Instead, check out The Adventures of TinTin or The Muppets if it’s still playing near you.

            Matt Damon does his best but man, he looks so old.  Something about the movie made him look aged.  True, I am overlooking the aspect of makeup and special effects but he looks almost fifty in this film.  I’ll also admit that this is based off a book, which I haven’t read.  I didn’t know this was a book until I saw the movie.  I’m not in a huge rush to read this, so if someone else has, let me know if I should pick it up.

            If I had to give We Bought a Zoo a grade, it would be a B-.  Not bad, not good, just meh.  It’s good but mostly forgettable.

            I’m TheCinemaChick and every time you recommend me to a friend, a penguin gets his fish.

Happy Holidays from TheCinemaChick.

            Hey guys, you know me as TheCinemaChick and that won’t change any time in the near future.  Tonight, I’m bringing you a short but sweet message.  It’s Christmas Even and we’ve all got things to do.  I just stuffed the stockings with care.  By that I mean I hung candy canes on them.  Everyone loves peppermint.

            Anyway, I’m just stopping by to wish all of you a very happy, safe holiday, whatever you celebrate.  Whether it’s Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, or Festivus, I sincerely hope it’s enjoyable for you.  I’m celebrating Christmas with my stepfamily and Fry this year.  It’s going to be fun watching my nephews and niece play with all their new toys.

            New Year’s is coming up and you know what, I’m going to share my three resolutions with you.

1. I’d like to eliminate all fast food from my life and if I do go out, I must get a salad.
2. I will stop buying concessions at the movie theater in order to save money.
3. I will continue being TheCinemaChick and improve my writing, which means possibly continuing my studies in film.

            From me and everyone who has contributed to this blog, I thank you for reading, commenting, recommending me to your friends or inspiring me.  There’s one person I wish I could thank personally for giving me numerous ideas and honestly…sort of keeping my ass in line when I felt like giving up.  Poor Kit Kat is probably sick of me talking about him and she knows one thing that she won’t ever share…unless she wants to embarrass me.

            I seriously cannot thank certain people enough.  I have a list of people I am so grateful for, including the incredibly generous folks over at Harkins Theater for asking me to cover two film marathons this year.  I feel lucky and humbled by them.  I honestly still can’t believe they did that.

            All right.  Enough of my sentimental ramblings.  Go be with your family or friends.  If you’re spending the holidays alone, hey, don’t feel bad.  I’m your friend.

            On behalf of myself, Kit Kat, Fry, Butterfly, Just Joe and everyone in my movie watching crew, I wish you a joyous holiday and a prosperous 2012.

            Keep reading and commenting.  You guys are the best.

            I’m TheCinemaChick and I bought you a candy cane.

Tattoos, piercings and mysteries, oh my!

            Hey guys, people know me as TheCinemaChick and I’m perfectly fine with that.  I’m your faceless mystery girl who checks out movies and reports them to you.  Now, it’s currently Thursday, but my internet is down so there’s a good possibility you folks won’t be seeing this until Friday, so I do apologize.  You’re probably thinking I could have omitted all that info, but I like to be open and honest with you.

            Because I care about you.

            Now, tonight’s feature is the much talked about The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.  It’s based off a novel by Steig Larsson.  I haven’t read it through yet, but it is currently in my possession and I do plan to read it.  As you know, I’m kind of in to adaptations.  This movie has been much hyped for a while now and it was on my list of things I really wanted to see.  However, this movie comes with a warning.

            If you’re offended by drinking, smoking, cursing, violence, murder, rape, sodomy, incest, lesbians, oral rape, tattoos, piercings or nudity, then stop reading and skip the movie.  Yes, all of those above mentioned things come into play.  I won’t say how little or how much because I’m not entirely sure myself.  I will say this: the rape scenes are graphic.  It was nowhere near as bad as Straw Dogs, but still…it’s rather frightening to watch.  For me, it’s a moment where I have to look away or grab onto someone’s hand.  This time, I had Butterfly and Just Joe, who hasn’t been seen lately.  Well, life is busy people.  I can’t expect people to always be free when I am.

            So, before I dive into the full movie, and another thing I need to stress…if you plan on seeing The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, go see it in the afternoon.  It is a solid three hour movie.  I’m not kidding.  It’s two hours and thirty nine minutes, but taking previews into account, yes, it’s a full three hours.  I went to a showing at seven and made it home close to 10:30 PM. 

            The opening is something I want to talk about in detail.  Trust me, I won’t give away a thing but I’ll have you interested in the movie if you weren’t before.  Normally, opening credits are full of establishing shots that let the watcher know where the movie takes place or sometimes introduces the main characters.  In this case, neither of those things occurred.  My initial thoughts were that the opening sequence is liquid latex, fetishistic, overly cyber sexual and incredibly seductive.  I’m not sure what happened while names flashed on the screen but damnit, I was hooked.  I can safely say latex was involved, as was some computer animated computer cords.

            That lasted for possibly six minutes.  And it’s all freaking awesome.

            Once that heated, intense part is over, we dive straight into the movie.  Almost immediately we get to meet our main couple, Mikael Blomkvist (played by Daniel Craig” and Lisbeth Salander (Rooney Mara).  I knew nothing of Mara previous to this film, but holy crap, she’s AMAZING.  Seriously, if you see this film, see it for her.  All her piercings are real and she clearly gets into the role. I could rave about her on and on, but there’s so many things to touch on that we must keep going.

            I’m not a fan of Daniel Craig and I’ve come to believe that it is a contractual obligation for him to get naked in every movie he does.  Seriously, every movie I’ve seen that he’s in, I’ve had to see him in the buff.  Sorry to all the Daniel Craig fans out there, but I don’t find him attractive.  He’s just…serious.  I’d rather take Mr. Tumnus the faun from The Chronicles of Narnia.  He’s played by James McAvoy who is pretty hot and he has a personality. 

            The movie does get a bit slow at times because like Sherlock Holmes, the whole plot focuses on gathering evidence.  And the action doesn’t really pick up until the third act when Lisbeth and Mikael get really close to solving the mystery.  Plus, the stories are separate until about midway through when they finally meet and come together.  In a sense, there are three plots that merge into a slightly jumbled mess at the end.  First we have Lisbeth’s story, which is fairly interesting.  We also get Mikael’s life and I was fairly bored with that.  Finally, there is the murder mystery plot which took too long to get going.

            I know, not all mystery movies can be full of action, but there were times when the film felt like three hours.  A truly good film should detach me from the world, suck me and make me lose track of time.  Plus, there were times when scenes were stuck in and felt so detached that it made no sense.  For instance, the scenes where Lisbeth and Mikael have sex, but at the time it first happens, it’s so out of the blue, it seems forced.  Also, I didn’t know you could use dental floss like that.

            Now, having said all that, I thoroughly enjoyed this film.  While most mysteries you can figure out in maybe twenty minutes, this one had me guessing up until the very end, then threw in a twist I had not predicted.  It’s pretty shocking and even then, I wasn’t entirely sure if I knew what had happened.  I am more compelled to read the book, though it will be difficult now that I am babysitting three little ones for about two weeks.  Plus, it’s Christmas followed by New Year’s so forgive me if I vanish for a while.  I don’t want to, I have to.

            As of right now, I don’t know if the two sequels The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest and The Girl Who Played With Fire will be adapted to the silver screen.  So far, reports for the movie have said it’s making decent money, so I think there’s a good possibility.  I would honestly love to see Mara reprise the role because she embodies it so well.  I don’t think I will be able to stop singing her praises for this role.  Fun fact, Kristen Stewart was one of the possible actors considered for the role of Lisbeth.  Had she been cast, I don’t think I would have seen it.  Even though Lisbeth is fairly emotionless, I don’t think Stewart could have done this role justice.  And for once, this isn’t just because I can’t stand Kristen Stewart.

            I would whole heartedly recommend The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, so long as you can get past the things I mentioned earlier.  They don’t sugar coat anything, which gives it a gritty edge to the overall peaceful setting.  My one main issue is that the film is set in Sweden, but when they had a scene of the two main characters in a car, I noticed something a little off.  For a movie set in Europe, why were they driving American cars?  Sure, the plates are clearly European, but the steering wheel is on the left when foreign cars have them on the right.  I could be wrong, but if someone else sees this, please either confirm my suspicions or prove me wrong.  I really think I’m right on this one.

            That’s about all I have to say for now.  Butterfly is making me see Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, which should be interesting since I’ve never watched a single Mission Impossible film.  If I can swing it, I’d like to see The Adventures of Tin Tin as well.  I also plan on renting Batman Begins this weekend (since SOMEONE told me I had to see it) and maybe even the original Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.  Other than that, I’ll be watching Disney movies all day because of the munchkins.  I can’t complain.  They’re just so darn cute.

            Well, I’m TheCinemaChick and love’s what I got, don’t start a riot.  You’ll feel it when the dance gets hot.  (Ten points if you can tell me the song.)

15(ish) movies I'm geeking out about in 2012

            What’s up all you movie loving, blog reading folks out there?  People often refer to me as TheCinemaChick and I love it.  I waste my money at the movies so you can know if something sucks or not.  Seeing as I haven’t gotten around to watching a movie, I’m going to make yet another list…because I’m a secret List-o-maniac.  You know, I don’t think anyone’s getting the song reference there.  I digress.  With 2012 on the horizon, I decided to make a list of films I’m absolutely dying to see.  However, they are in no particular order.  I tried to put the in some kind of order but…honestly…it’s almost impossible.

            So here we go.  The top 15(ish) movies I’m dying to see in 2012

Number 15:

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Honestly, I have no idea why I want to see this.  Something about this just stands out and seems original, if not a little weird to me.  Mixing history with the paranormal…sounds like my cup of soda.  I know almost nothing, haven’t seen a trailer and have only seen one movie poster but damnit, I’m interested.

Number 14:

The Devil Inside

Ok…I’m a sucker for a film about demonic possession.  Don’t ask why, but if it involves witches, demons, ghosts or other malevolent spirits, I’m drawn to it.  I do believe in all that paranormal occult stuff, so for me these movies genuinely scare me.  Yes, I know these movies are fictional but to a true believer they a freaky as hell.  I do think I’ve had an encounter with one of the bad spirits out there, but that’s another story for another time.  Ah, enough about me and my weird interests.  Moving on.

Number 13:

Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax

Again, I’m not entirely sure why I want to see this.  I love that all Dr. Seuss movies have an element of childlike whimsy to them, but they are also geared towards adults as well as children.  Typically, movies based on Dr. Seuss books haven’t been bad.  I say typically because someone had the bright idea to make The Cat in the Hat…yeah…let’s not talk about that.

Number 12:

The Secret World of Arrietty

Hayao Miyazaki.  I don’t need to explain that one any further.

Number 11:

The Raven

As a fan of the horror and macabre, I respect Edgar Allan Poe a lot.  So even though this movie is a fictional look at his life, it still has me curious.  It’s a murder mystery where his writing begins to mirror reality.  As a writer, I think this looks freaking awesome and honestly, I can’t wait to see it.  Granted, I’m not as excited as you think I’d be.  John Cusack plays the lead and I’m not a huge fan of him.

Number 10:

ParaNorman

Once again, this is speaking to the paranormal loving side of me.  The trailer has been very vague and from what I can tell, it’s about a boy who’s obsessed with zombies.  It does appear to be claymation, similar to the style of Coraline.  Anyone who knows me knows I love claymation and find it to be a very underappreciated artform.  

Number 9:

The Pirates! Band of Misfits

Speaking of claymation, this is another animated movie that’ll be coming out.  It’s a British flick, similar to the style of Wallace and Gromit.  Since that’s one of my all time favorite cartoons, I really want to see this.  While I don’t expect it to do as well, I still see it making a decent splash.  One thing I love about the Wallace and Gromit series is the constant use of subtle humor.  Seriously, there are things in the background that are jokes but you have to pay attention to them to get them.

Number 8:

Brave

I’m a sucker for Disney Pixar films.  I loved Tangled, I’ve seen all the movies they’ve made so far and I’m looking forward to the future films.  Granted, I’m a little apprehensive about Tangled Ever After (the sequel to the smash hit Tangled) and I’m not exactly sure as to why they are making Planes…which is basically Cars only in the air.  Plus, Brave features a young girl with unruly curly red hair as the heroine.  Not to mention, it’s in Scotland.  I definitely see potential in this.

Number 7:

Mirror Mirror/ Snow White and the Huntsman

I lumped these together because I sort of see them as the same movie.  They’re both Snow White and they both feature actresses I don’t care for.  I know they’re supposed to be modern takes on classic fairy tales but I’m just not feeling them.  I love fairy tales but as with the vampire craze, I think this will become huge.  Eventually we’ll get bored of it.  Which is sad since fairy tales aren’t meant to die.  They’ve survived this long so hopefully Lily Collins and Kristen Stewart won’t ruin it for me.

Number 6:

Rock of Ages

It’s a movie about rock music and the 80s with Tom Cruise.  A masterpiece, no.  Something that’ll be worth seeing, oh hell yes.

Number 5:

The Hunger Games

I’ve been reading the trilogy and I’m in love with it.  It’s great, refreshing and it’s kept me hooked.  Granted, it’s young adult but there’s some pretty adult stuff in there.  It has everything, action, romance and oh yes, Lenny Kravitz is going to be in it.  I loved the novel and I can’t wait to see how this has been translated from page to celluloid.

Number 4:

The Woman in Black

This is going to be Daniel Radcliffe’s first major role outside of Harry Potter, not counting his time on Broadway.  It’s got a historical setting and the possibility of ghosts haunting the house he’s in.  I want to see how he fares outside of his comfort zone, since he’s been Harry Potter pretty much all his life.  Emma Watson’s doing great, so I see great thing in store for Radcliffe.

Number 3:

The Avengers

I’m a Marvel girl all the way.  Plus, this has Iron Man, Thor AND Captain America in it.  I also am in love with Loki.  Individually, the movies were successful so having them come together can only come off as epic.  Also, the little snippet at the end of Thor has me curious.  If you’ve seen it, you know what I’m talking about.  While the X-Men franchise is slowly going downhill, this saga seems to be going strong.  I mean, they’re making a sequel to the Wolverine movie.  This one will chronicle his time spent in Japan, which does actually happen in the comics.  I’m off topic-ish.

Number 2:

The Dark Knight Rises

I’m not a super huge Batman fan, but damnit, I can’t deny that they’re incredible movies.  Well…let’s not discuss Batman and Robin.  That’s the one blemish on their near perfect record.  While I haven’t seen Batman Begins yet (which I will do at someone’s request…you know who you are!) I’ve seen all the other ones.  Yes, I’ve seen the Adam West old school, campy as hell, the Michael Keaton goodness, the so-so Val Kilmer, the abomination George Clooney and the fairly decent Christian Bale.  I can’t wait to see this and every time I watch the trailer, I geek out.

Number 1:

The Hobbit

The Lord of the Rings series is one of my obsessions.  It’s pretty high up there with X-Men and Nightmare Before Christmas.  I read them all in high school and the movies were pretty accurate.  There were things I didn’t care for, like the fact that Arwen was featured more than she needed to be or the fact that Tom Bombadil didn’t make an appearance.  Overall, I’m in love with the series as a whole and the mythology J.R.R. Tolkien created fascinates me.  Peter Jackson did a fantastic job creating the world from the books.  Now that he’s doing The Hobbit, I cannot wait to see how this goes.

I know, someone’s going to wonder why The Hobbit ranks higher than The Dark Knight, but remember, these are not in a specific order.  These are just movies I’m excited to see.

Also, I will say that I am a tiny bit excited to see Breaking Dawn Part 2, only because Arret and Kit Kat will be joining me to see it.  That’s right, TeamCinemaChick is going to see the end of the saga together.

Well, it’s 1:24 in the morning and I’m getting tired.  I’ve got things to do tomorrow, like go shopping and do laundry and possibly see Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.

So, by the way, if there’s a movie I haven’t seen that I should see (other than Batman Begins), let me know!  The folks at my local Blockbuster love me and I enjoy seeing movies I hadn’t thought of before.  Bonus points if you can find a claymation film I haven’t seen yet.

I’m TheCinemaChick and I love you…in a totally platonic way.

Careful what you fish for

            Hey guys, I go by TheCinemaChick and I love watching movies.  I know, I know, I saw Sherlock Holmes almost a week ago, but things have been incredibly hectic for me.  My nephews and niece came for a visit, my mom’s been pretty sick and I thought I’d have a contributor this week.  Obviously, I’m once again flying solo with this.  It’s kind of disappointing because I imagine they’d be a great person to collaborate with.  Then again, my last joint effort proved to be a complete disaster…don’t worry. You’ll never hear from Kitzy again.  He cut me out of his life and no longer speaks to me.

            I have had a chance to see it again, so I know what I want to say about the movie.  Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows is the sequel to the wildly popular movie from two years ago with the titular character.  The cast from the first film returns for this one, though it seems like some of them had a scheduling conflict.  Rachel McAdams shows up for maybe twelve minutes total and the film runs a good 129 minutes.  My apologies if you were expecting to see more of Irene Adler, but she’s been replaced by Noomi Rapace who plays Madam Simza.

            A new character is brought in however, one which I didn’t care for.  Mycroft Holmes is Sherlock’s brother and this man just annoyed me to no end.  He’s pompous, he’s snobby and honestly, he does not look good naked.  Don’t get me wrong, I like my men to be a little meaty but there’s something about him that just doesn’t settle well with me.  Maybe it’s because of his attitude.  Of course, it could just be me who was so put off by his personality that I couldn’t get past it.  I didn’t find any of the leading men in this movie attractive, but I don’t see films just for hot guys.

            That would make me shallow.

            Now, I did enjoy the movie overall.  I love the frantic pace the movie often creates because to me, it feels like we’re inside Holmes’s mind.  Sherlock Holmes may come off as insane, but I would consider him borderline genius.  His methods may not make sense and he’s clearly got some sort of mental issue going on, but look at the results.  I can identify with the character since I am often seen as slightly psychotic.  I’m not screwed up in the head, I’m eclectic and artsy.  Fun fact, I’m also allergic to salsa.

            Holmes claims his curse is that he sees everything, which is something else I can relate to.  I hear everything.  Often times, it freaks people out.  For example, I’m currently listening to “Sail” by AWOLnation while listening to my television and I can still hear the football game in the other room.

            Anyway, I was talking about the pace.  Yes, it’s like the first one in that sometimes it seems disjointed and a little rough.  Again, that’s how his mind works.  Look at the slow motion fight montages where he plans out his course of action.  He’s got every little move figured out so he can act faster.  It doesn’t detract from the film (in my opinion) but it gives us yet another insight to his mind.

            With that in mind, I do want to point out that the sequel did appear to be almost an exact replica of the first.  I know sequels should be cohesive and flow well, but this one was too much like the other one.  It didn’t bring anything new nor did it make me think it was brilliant.  The first one gave me that huge twist at the end and kept me guessing.  I thought I knew what was going on, but it turned out I was wrong.  This one…well, you know exactly what happened and who did it.  Its two hours of gathering evidence on a frenzied European vacation.

            Like I said, I do enjoy the film series as a whole.  There are things I appreciate about it, but there are things I hate about it.  Dr. Watson annoyed me many times by mentioning his wedding and/or honeymoon.  Also, can someone tell me if he is disabled or not?  I know he uses a cane to walk, but when he’s fighting, he seems perfectly fine.  I might be wrong, but I don’t think he really even needs the cane.  I need a cane and I’m not a badass fighter like him.

            Here’s my one huge problem with Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows.  Very early in the film, they show Professor Moriarty.  You see him throughout the movie and he’s very prominent.  The first movie made a point to make him very mysterious and anonymous while this one just has him out there in the open.  I really wish they’d made him like that again.  Feature Professor Moriarty in a prominent role, but don’t tell us why he’s so important.  Give me a reason to be suspicious of him without ruining everything.  Or make him more cryptic.

            Also, the plot annoyed me.  We start off with the main plot, proving Moriarty is a criminal, then ignore that for a good portion of the movie and delve into helping Simza find her brother which leads back to the first plot.

            While all that goes on, there are two tiny scenes that use an amazing camera technique that I cannot recall.  I want to say a fish eye lens is used, but I know that’s wrong.  It’s not quite first person POV either.  It’s an extreme close up in one of a man winding a wheel with a cannon while the other occurs while a man is running.  If you’ve seen the movie and know what I’m talking about in these scenes (which last a grand total of maybe five or six seconds), please tell me.

            There are several funny moments that had me laughing, like when Sherlock refuses to ride a horse, or when he “dances” at the gypsy camp.  Watson has his moments but those tend to be few and far between.  I will admit, the whole debacle on the train was one of my favorite moments.  It pops up in the trailers and everyone’s seen Robert Downey Jr in drag but it’s more interesting in the movie.

            I don’t really have anything else to add.  I do plan on seeing The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo on Wednesday but after that I won’t really be available.  My nephews and niece will be staying here for several days so I’ll be busy playing with them.  Plus, I’m really tired because I’ve been running around taking care of some personal matters.  Maybe things will pick up in the new year, but I’m a pessimist so I don’t see that happening.

            I’m TheCinemaChick and I think I’d like to celebrate my birthday in Austin this year.

Top 11 Worst Movies of 2011

            Hello all  you list-o-maniacs out there!  I’m TheCinemaChick and I’m back with another list for you.  I’ve brought you my top eleven best movies of 2011, so now its time for my top eleven worst films of the year.

            Now, here’s how I ranked them.  If I thought a movie was horrible but I could stand to watch it again, it’s ranked pretty low on the list.  If it’s something that I really don’t want to ever deal with again, it’s pretty high up there.  So yeah, it’s based on a level of how tolerable I found something.  So here it goes, from tolerable to the “Dear God no!” movies, here’s my top eleven.

            Why eleven you ask?  Because I like to take things a bit further.

Number 11:

Priest

Yeah, it’s based on a graphic novel and the action was subpar, but it also brought a new level to the vampire mythology.  Vampires were portrayed in a completely different light and given an entirely different origin story.  I also like Paul Bettany and Cam Gigandet, so that helped a lot.  It was bad in the theater, but I’d give it another shot because Karl Urban also made a damn fine villain.

Number 10:

Season of the Witch

It had the potential to be good.  I was dying to see this when it came out and it was so horrendous it turned into a comedy.  The actors can’t hold an accent, the script must have been rewritten several times because half the time it makes no sense and if you watch closely, you can see Nicolas Cage’s career die a little.  It was so lame, I even created a drinking game.  Every time an actor changes accents, take a shot.  You’ll be drunk in about fifteen minutes.

Number 9:

Abduction

You know, Abduction wasn’t as bad as I made it out to be in my review.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s the most boring action movie I’ve ever seen.  It had great action sequences in it, but throwing in the romance really dragged things down.  Then there were several scenes that had no sense of continuity.  They screwed up the geography and left me confused, then wondering why the hell they left it open for a possible sequel.  If that weren’t bad enough, they kept adding twists that never got explained.  Bonus: It is Taylor Lautner’s first movie as a headliner, so kudos to him!

Number 8:

Green Lantern

You know, if you saw this one, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.  Characters were brought it and ignored.  The origin was less than impressive.  Hell, the villain barely makes sense.  I got that he was the embodiment of evil and all, but the human vessel for him…what?  Plus, Ryan Reynolds can’t pull off the superhero attitude.  The jokes were lame, the plot was weak and the ending is sequel fodder.  I’m a comic book nerd so I’m hoping there’s a chance Green Lantern 2 could be much better.

Number 7:

The Source Code

It’s not that I hated this movie, it’s that I had no idea what was going on.  It’s very repetitive, which is one of my pet peeves.  The ending made no sense to me, so I just left feeling confused.  I’m also not a fan of sci fi, so that played a small role in it.  But most of all, I just didn’t like the lack of explanation.

If you understand the movie, please explain it to me.

Number 6:

Bridesmaids.

I’m not a fan of gross out comedies.  The movie had too many disgusting moments for me.  It didn’t come across as funny at all.  I was more interested in the lack of plot because it seemed to go in one direction, ignore that, then go onto something else completely.  Then they would bring in characters that had nothing to do with the movie and ignore them.  After seeing this, I felt uncomfortable and dirty.  I know people praised it and loved it, but I didn’t.

Number 5:

Don’t Be Afraid of The Dark

Since watching more of Guillermo Del Toro’s work, I’ve found a new appreciation for this movie.  However, that doesn’t save it from being bad.  It was promoted as a horror movie, but there was barely any suspense.  The opening scene was the best, then everything started going downhill fast.  I’ll give the movie credit, the imps were very well done with CGI, but the plot…weak.  I wanted to like this because to me Del Toro embodies whimsy and he’s great with creativity, but this was his weakest movie so far.

Number 4:

I Am Number Four

As with so many others, this movie just left me confused.  Nothing was explained and I was expected to just know these things.  Then it ended, leaving it wide open for a sequel, but once again, nothing made sense.  I was left with so many questions that I didn’t enjoy the film.  I don’t like Alex Pettyfer, who also appeared in Beastly, which was another movie I disliked but didn’t quite make the cut.  Neil Patrick Harris saved it from my top eleven worst list.  Granted, this was based off a book I haven’t read, so maybe the text will clear some of this up, but the movie has put me off this series.  I may pick it up when I’m done with The Hunger Games trilogy, but we’ll see.

Number 3:

Dream House

Well…it had a house in it.  Also, I’d like to point out again that Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz refused to promote this film.  They starred in it!  You know a movie’s bad when the big actors won’t talk about it.  The movie was supposed to represent a fine line between reality and the imagination, but the line was so blurred that it was impossible to tell what was what.  Then there’s a subplot with the neighbor’s divorce that somehow led into the climax.  Both plots were so different that they didn’t even combine well.  I have no idea what happened towards the end, nor do I really care to know at this point.

Again, if anyone can make sense of it, please do.

Number 2:

Something Borrowed

This movie and my number one pick are tied honestly.  Like a lot of the other movies on this list, I had trouble with the plot, the characters and the acting.  The moral of the movie was that lying, backstabbing and cheating will get you what you want in life.  It’s about two friends and a guy.  One girl starts dating him but he’s in love with the other chick.  They sleep together while the first girl is sleeping with another guy, while another man is forced into the middle of this whole debacle.  The only saving grace is that when the two girls find out what has happened, the friendship dies.  They don’t apologize and stay BFFs forever.  Even then, knowing that each girl got the life she wanted after all that makes me sick.  Honesty would have prevented the whole thing and it could have been handled much better.

Number 1:

Straw Dogs

It was just so damn boring!  Nothing happened for most of the movie, then suddenly, GRAPHIC VIOLENCE!  The last twenty minutes is bloody and gory.  Once again, there is a subplot that goes absolutely nowhere, so I’m not sure why that was even included.  Oh yes, there’s also a graphic rape scene that I can’t get past.  It is a remake based on a short story, but having seen this modern version, I won’t go back and look at them.  The rape disturbed me so much that I refuse to EVER see this movie again.  I will not even look at the remake or the short story.  Even the incredibly hot Alexander Skarsgard cannot save this movie from itself.  It bombed at the box office and I don’t see it selling millions of DVDs.

I would much rather watch Breaking Dawn, Priest, Green Lantern and Red Riding Hood back to back while sitting in an uncomfortable chair in one day.  That’s how much I despised Straw Dogs.

So there you have it, my eleven worst films of the year.  I miscounted and it turns out I’ve already seen 45 movies this year.  Captain America, Bad Teacher and Red Riding Hood barely escaped my list, but trust me, they were far from my favorites.  If you don’t know what my top eleven movies were, that list can be found in my previous entry.

I’m TheCinemaChick and I like gummy bears.

Top 11 Best Movies of 2011

            Hello all you lovely people who use computers and cell phones, I’m TheCinemaChick!  Seeing as it’s December and the year is coming to a close, I thought to myself, “Self, why don’t you do a Top 11 list of your favorite movies?”  So, I looked at all the movies I’ve seen and narrowed it down.  Trust me, this was not an easy list to make.  It started with a list of 44 films.  Yes, you read that correctly.  I’m shooting for 45 movies total this year since I do plan to see The Adventures of Tin Tin and The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.

            Now, I wasn’t originally going to do a Top 11 list, but one of my favorite DJs, Kade, did one so I figured, I’m a film blogger.  I should do one too  So here we are, TheCinemaChick’s Top 11 Movies of 2011.

Number 11:

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows.

I know, this hasn’t been released officially yet, but I did enjoy it.  It had it’s flaws, as all movies do but I still loved it.  Because it won’t be out until Friday, I won’t be posting a review until then.  It’s crazy, it’s frantic and at times, just plain funny.  I recommend it.

Number 10:

Super 8

While I loved the first two acts of this film, the third act disappointed me, which caused it to land so low on the list.  It did a great job building suspense and tension, getting me emotionally hooked, then let me down with its, “all is well, happily ever after” ending.  It had the potential to be amazing, but it wasn’t. 

Number 9:

Limitless

I loved the concept and Bradley Cooper was freaking amazing in this.  I enjoyed the often fast paced scenes mixed with the slowed down parts to show the side effects of the drug.  However, because I’m not great with science things, it didn’t completely satisfy me.  With that aside, I still loved it and think it should be checked out.  Plus, the main character is a writer, which speaks to my heart.

Number 8:

The Conspirator

I find it sad that this movie went largely unnoticed.  The cinematography and costumes were impeccable.  The acting was flawless.  It had some big names starring in it, though Justin Long stuck out.  The only reason this movie ranks so low is because it is very slow, very meticulous and at times a little boring.  See it for the incredible acting.  Also, this is how a movie should build suspense and how to create emotional moments that suck the watcher in.  If you are interested in Lincoln murder conspiracies, see this movie.

Number 7:

The Three Musketeers

Ok, this movie did horrible at the box office.  And in all honesty, it was terrible.  However, it was so campy and cheesy that it was good.  Orlando Bloom is the saving grace, the costumes were beautiful and for once, I actually liked the 3D.  It could have a sequel, but don’t take my word for it.  The movie does leave it wide open, so it’s possible we could have another one coming out in the next few years.  Ignore Logan Lerman’s horrible acting and enjoy Orlando Bloom’s over the top acting.  I’d love to own this when it comes out.

Number 6:

The Help

Don’t shoot me for placing this one so low.  Yes, I absolutely loved it and I have read the book.  That’s what made me place this in the middle.  The book focuses mainly on Minnie and Aibileen, the help, while Skeeter isn’t the main focus.  In the film version, the story revolves around Skeeter and often times, her part of the tale didn’t seem to go anywhere or really add anything of interest.  I wanted more of Minnie and Aibileen because they were the best characters in the story.

Number 5:

Midnight in Paris

Like The Conspirator, this movie did not get the attention it deserved.  It’s the latest Woody Allen flick and it is amazing.  It deals with romance, time travel and another writer in such a brilliant way that you don’t notice the main character being transported back in time.  Owen Wilson was great and Marion Cotillard impressed me.  It’s a sweet film about a couple realizing they aren’t a good match but finding love elsewhere.

Number 4:

50/50

I loved this movie because it hit close to home.  As a person who’s undergone the same spinal surgery, I know what it’s like to deal with the pain, the friends, the family.  And because of my surgery, I did lose friend.  I actually had a boyfriend leave me shortly after I left the hospital.  The movie tugs at your heart and just paints such a beautiful picture that you can’t leave without feeling something.  This was one of the two movies I cried in.

Number 3:

The Muppets

It’s the freaking Muppets.  Enough said.

Number 2:

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two

I know, this isn’t my number one movie, which may be a shock to some people.  I did love this film and I did cry when Snape died, but it was too fast paced for me.  I wanted it to be stretched out a bit longer.  Instead, it was a dizzying ride, trying to cram in everything they needed to stuff in.  The epilogue was horrible and felt way too forced.  I love the series and I am sad to see it go, but it’s now a classic.  Harry Potter will forever be The Boy Who Lived.

Number 1:

Drive

Yes, this quiet movie where Ryan Gosling barely speaks is my top movie this year.  If you want to know the definition of a good movie, watch this.  It’s almost like a minimalist film because there’s very little music, almost no sound effects.  It’s intense, it’s graphic and holy shit, it’s AMAZING.  Seriously, when it comes out, go out and see it.  I can’t even begin to describe how much I loved this movie.  The soundtrack is also amazing, so check that out too.  Oh, and it’s a novella.  Read it and see it, then hope there is no sequel because believe it or not, there will be another book written in the Drive series.  Please…let it be as good as the first one.

So there you have it, those are my top 11 favorite movies of the year.  I am planning on making a top 11 worst movies soon.  I don’t have anything on my schedule for the time being.  It’s the holidays and I’ll be babysitting a lot soon.  If I make it to a movie, I’ll be lucky.  Fear not, gentle reader for I will see Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.  And…if I feel like it, I’ll do a list of movies I really look forward to for 2012.  We’ll see how things go.

I’m TheCinemaChick and I say happy holidays because Christmas isn’t the only winter holiday.

On behalf of my movie watching crew, I wish you a happy and safe holiday.

The Obligatory Future Blog

            Hey guys, my name’s TheCinemaChick.  The other night I brought you a slightly intoxicated review of Pan’s Labyrinth.  Tonight, I’m sober and well, I haven’t really eaten today but I have no intention to eat now.  This is something I’ve been meaning to tackle for months and never did.  Tonight, I bring you the Obligatory Future Blog.

            The month of December will be a very quiet month for me.  I normally see about five or more movies a month, but I will only see two, maybe three if I’m lucky.  I looked at the money in my budget and decided to give it to a worthy cause.  If you read my entry, “Of Coffee and Shirts and Things”, you’ll know that my stepsister, her husband and their children plan to welcome a child they are adopting into their family soon.  Well, instead of using my money to see a bunch of films, I’m giving it to them.

            Don’t worry, I’ve set aside money to see Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows and The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.  Beyond that, I won’t see a movie unless I magically discover another $20 bill while cleaning.  

            I have begun renting a lot of DVDs on Saturdays, so I might just do some reviews on older films that I watch.  Like Pan’s Labryinth, there are movies I just never got around to seeing, like Inception.  Remember, I do take requests.  If there’s some film out there that’s absolutely worth seeing, please let me know.  I’d like to see it.  However, don’t tell me I need to go out and watch Avatar.  I’ve no desire to ever watch nor do I intend to see it.  So…other than that, feel free to suggest away.  I like indie films, horror, fantasy…anything but romantic comedies please.  Those have become so formulaic that I can’t stand them for more than maybe 20 minutes.

            I still intend to upgrade to vlogs, most likely in 2012 because I’m still trying to figure out how to use the camera and edit videos.  I’m a slow learner for the most part so I’ll figure it out around the time my birthday hits.

            Yeah, my birthday is coming up too.  I’m a January baby, along with my niece, so that’s always a fun time.  We’re a week apart.  She’s going to be two and I’ll be twenty seven.  Yes, I’m old.  Now you know my age.  Maybe someday, I’ll be comfortable enough to tell you my name.  Keep in mind, I use a pseudonym when I write so when the people who actually know me see a different name, it’s just a pen name.  I like that better than my real name, but that’s another story for another night.

            I haven’t mentioned my movie watching buddies in a while, but in all honesty, if I don’t see a movie with Fry, I’m seeing it with Butterfly.  Kit Kat is still around to help me go over bad movies but everyone has pretty much disappeared.  It’s no big deal.  I know I had several, but I’m not going to explain in detail what’s happened.

            My list of movies for 2012 is growing longer and longer.  I think I’ll keep at this, despite my growing unhappiness.  I looked back at my earlier entries and I’ve seen no improvement in my work.  It’s stayed at the same basic quality, which there’s no one to blame but myself for that.  I should have tried harder, but you know…I’m dealing with a lot right now and I don’t exactly have anyway of dealing with it.  I can make people feel better about themselves but when I need a little nudge, I normally get nothing.

            Sorry, I’m bitching.  I’ll try to be better about that.

            So there you have it.  I’m not going to be seeing anything at the theater unless someone takes me of gives me the money to do so.  Christmas is coming, so maybe I’ll get a gift card.  If you want to send me one…ha ha, I’m kidding.  I don’t get presents, but I’m no a huge fan of the holidays.  Yes, it’s a joyful time of year but I tend to get rather depressed.

            Bitching again.  Sorry

            Oh, and if anyone’s interested, I did have a winner for my giveaway.  He earned a Harkins Loyalty Shirt and two cups.  I have no idea if he’s gotten them yet.  I hope so, I mailed the things out last week.

            Bummed that you didn’t win?

            Guess what?

            I HAVE MORE!!  I wasn’t aware that I’d be getting multiple shirts and cups to give away.  So…I can spread the love around and we can say it’s a Christmas present from TheCinemaChick.  Well, my winner can’t have anymore.  They’ve already gotten their prize so…yeah…no more for you, winner.

            And to my winner, thank you for pointing out my lack of math skills.  I’m terrible with numbers, which is weird considering I come from a family of math majors.  Seriously, two math majors and a finance major and I somehow suck at math.  It doesn’t make sense as to how I somehow excelled at liberal arts.  I’ve been published…but I think that happened because I happened to know the editor, was friends with him and wrote about some controversial topics.  I mean…I dropped the F word in one of them and people loved it.  

            And now I’m way off topic.  Again.

            I hope everyone has a safe holiday and I hope you get everything you asked for.  As for me, I’ll be babysitting and watching holiday crap.  It’d be nice to get a present, but oh well.

            I’m TheCinemaChick and I’ve lost my TV remote.

           Wait...I found it.  Somehow snuck into my purse.

Tipsy Reviews Pan's Labyrinth

            Greetings all you insomniacs and…whatever the female version of insomniac is, I go by TheCinemaChick!  It’s one in the morning and I just finished watching two, count ‘em, two movies.  First was Let The Right One In, which is a Swedish film that Let Me In was based off of.  It was decent, but that’s not what I’m going to discuss.  My second film was Pan’s Labyrinth.  This one’s a lovely little gem from Guillermo Del Toro, the same man who gave us the boring “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark” that I reviewed earlier this year.

            Pan’s Labyrinth is about Ofelia and her life as her mother relocates them to the country to live with her new stepfather.  Her mother is pregnant with a little boy, but isn’t in the best of health.  Her stepfather is the evil and often sadistic Vidal.  Ofelia hates it as soon as she moves in, but her mother insists things will get better.  She finds a stick bug which turns itself into a fairy and leads her to the labyrinth.  This is where she meets the Faun.  He tells Ofelia she is really Princess Moanna, daughter of the kind of the Underworld.  In order to prove that she really is royalty, she must do three tasks.

            First, she is sent to collect a key from the stomach of a large toad living in a dying fig tree but stuffing three stones in its mouth.  Ofelia is triumphant but her mother’s health takes a sharp decline.  The Faun gives her a mandrake, telling her to set it in fresh milk and feed it two drops of blood a day.  She does this, happy to see that her mother improves almost immediately.

            The second task proves to be a bit of a challenge.  Ofelia must take the key and draw a door that leads to the lair of the Pale Man, who seems to have a constant craving for children.  She has two rules: Don’t eat or drink anything and be back before the sand in her hourglass runs out.  The Faun lets his three fairies guide her and she finds a dagger that she is supposed to bring back.  However, temptation gets the best of her.  She eats two grapes, causing Pale Man to come to life and devour two fairies.  Ofelia makes it back but the Faun is angry with her for not following his rules.

            While all this is going on, we do get to see what’s going on in the real world.  Vidal is freaking insane.  He kills two farmers.  Warning that scene is graphic.  He bashes a guys head in with a bottle and shoots his father.  Later, he tortures a rebel who happens to have a stutter and when the doctor euthanizes him, he shoots the doctor.  Ofelia is caught caring for the mandrake, which infuriates Vidal.  Carmen, her mother, throws the plant into the fire which causes her health to sharply decline.  She delivers a son, but dies in the process.  Mercedes, a maid and spy for the rebels, decides to leave.  Ofelia begs to come with her and the two run off, only to be caught.

            Vidal locks Ofelia in a bedroom and attempts to torture Mercedes.  Well, turns out she can fend for herself.  She stabs Vidal three times: once in the back shoulder, once in the chest and in the mouth, making him look like the Joker.  Vidal sends his men after her, but they are killed by the rebels.  The Faun returns, telling Ofelia she has one last chance to prove herself.  She is told to get her brother and take him into the labyrinth, no questions asked.  Ofelia does as told and manages to get the baby to the place where the Faun is, but things take a twist.

            In order to open the portal, an innocent’s blood must be shed.  The Faun intends to use her brother, but Ofelia refuses.  Vidal takes the baby back, then shoots her.  He leaves the labyrinth only to come face to face with the rebels.  Accepting that he’s finally lost, he gives his son to Mercedes, asking her to tell the child about him.  She refuses and Vidal is shot in the face.  Mercedes hurries into the labyrinth to find Ofelia, but it’s too late.  She hums a lullaby and Ofelia dies.  While Ofelia is dead to the mortal world, she is reunited with her father in the Underworld.  It’s really a bittersweet ending.

            I’ve been wanting to see this movie for a while and finally got around to it tonight.  After seeing Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, I was slightly apprehensive, even though Pan’s Labyrinth has had some rave reviews.  I have to admit, I was impressed.  It made me squirm, it had me hooked and at times, I had to look away.  The setting is absolutely beautiful and del Toro has once again proved that he is quite possibly a genius.  The Faun did make me think of the Angel of Death from Hellboy 2, but I’ll overlook that this time.

            The plot is solid, the acting is top notch and yes, there are a few mistakes but those are also easy to overlook.  I loved it.  I wish I’d bought it because I do want to watch it over and over again.  While I didn’t like the scene where Ofelia is killed because I’m against any act of violence towards children, it’s appropriate and fitting.  

            The one drawback is that the movie is in Spanish but it does have English subtitles.  This really takes away from the film.  If you don’t speak the language, you’ll have to quickly read the lines while trying to absorb what’s going on.  I normally have subtitles on anyway just in case there’s a line I didn’t quite catch but in this case, I had no options.  I suck at Spanish which is odd since my father is fluent.  My Latin is much better.  I’d like to learn French too.

            I highly recommend this, but be warned, there is some intense violence in some scenes.  Lots of people get shot, someone is tortured, there’s an amputation and the scene where Vidal stitches himself…I freaked out.  I can handle damn near anything at this point but medical stuff is still beyond me.  Trust me, I’ve had to do some medical things like change bandages and clean wounds, but it still bothers me.  I’ve never been good with blood and the sight of it alone makes me very nauseated.

            So there you have it.  Let the Right One In is worth a look if you’re in the mood for a morbid Swedish vampire romance and Pan’s Labyrinth was a visual masterpiece.  I’d lean towards the second movie however.  The first one, while good, was slow and gruesome at points.

            Also, if you read my entry entitled, “Acoustic”, I apologize for it.  I wanted to help someone out and I’m pretty sure that blog was a waste of my time.  It will be deleted later today, after I’ve slept.  Why not do it now?  Because honestly, I need to sleep off the booze.  I’m a bit tipsy right now so I might make a bigger mess than I already have.

            I’m TheCinemaChick and I don’t drink often but I am an adult and if I choose to have an adult drink every so often, that’s my choice.