The Twilight Rant Part 2: Twilight

Hello everyone out there in blog land, I’m TheCinemaChick!  Kit Kat and I are now on Part Dos of the five part series I call “The Twilight Rant”.  It’s not much of a rant, more of an in depth analysis with snarky commentary.  You’ve seen our opinions on the casting, so let’s dive right in to the vat of glitter known simply as “Twilight”.  Say hi to the nice people Kit Kat.

Hey guys, this is Kit Kat. And I'm personally ready to jump right into the movies themselves and really look at them more deeply. So, how do you wanna start this one off CinemaChick?

Because this movie has been out for a while, we’re going to begin with the plot.  I see it as a thinly veiled modern version of Romeo and Juliet.  We start off with a voiceover, having Bella say something about death before we get our first glimpse of her.  I hate voiceovers.  I think they are expositional and clunky.  If you haven’t read the books, you won’t understand what she’s talking about or why she’s even in Arizona.  So far, my favorite character is the cactus she holds.

Sadly, I do have to agree. They could have started out this movie a bit better for those who haven't read the series. Seems like common sense to me but then again a person is smart and people are stupid. However, the voice over continues through the first 15 minutes of movie. The first line that was actually spoken by a character is Bella's father police chief Charlie Swan. For those who don't like slow beginnings to movies then you will NOT like the beginning of this movie. You don't even get much of an insight into the human kids that Bella automatically becomes friends with till the Cullens appear in the cafeteria scene.

One more thing about the voiceover, then I’ll go on.  If you’re going to use it, use it wisely.  It happens sporadically throughout so the voiceover doesn’t even make sense.  Are we getting her inner monologue or did they get tacked on post production to make the movie seem more exciting?  We have one at the beginning and towards the end and I think one or two between that. 

And I agree with Kit Kat.  The human characters are glossed over.  I’m sorry we couldn’t spend the full two hours watching Bella and Edward stare dreamily into each others eyes while they lay in a flower filled meadow.  Seriously, I get that it’s a romantic movie, but this is so sweet I might as well drink maple syrup while chowing down on cotton candy.

Then, of course, comes the interaction with Edward that is punctuated with moments of her human friends one at a time as if more than one at a time was too much. Even the parts with Edward were lack luster. True, Edward was on the verge of being a full blown emo but Bella didn't help matters with her lack of anything concerning a realistic looking emotion in her facial expressions. That is of course after Edward bolts from school for weeks because he can't stand the way Bella smells to him...as in she smells too good. Would've made a funny moment if she actually smelled bad but that's just me.

Thus beginning a very awkward relationship.  Bella attempts to understand him but doesn’t.  So, her human friends, who apparently aren’t even worth naming, invite her to go down to La Push to go surfing.  Well, Washington is the place for choice waves…what the hell…and Bella invites Edward who magically pops back into her life.  I’ll admit, I like the line “Your mood swings are giving me whiplash.”  Proof that boys are just as moody as girls.  So, they all go to the beach where we meet Jacob for a second time and his two groupies.  Don’t get attached to the other 2 boys, you’ll never see them again.  I also had to laugh because Bella’s sad attempt at being social is such a complete failure.  She’s around people but she makes no effort to even pretend that she’s happy to have friends.  To make matters worse, she just up and goes for a walk with Jacob.  Way to make friends there, Bella.

Then, Bella has suddenly gotten so attached to Edward by this point that she almost looks disappointed when he doesn't come to school on sunny days. Seems to me that the shopping trip with her supposed friends is actually playing third fiddle because the second goes to not being around Edward while the first is to get a book she looked up on the net about legends. At least at the dress store they make a nod to the guys that later are magically in the area that Bella walks through after going to the bookstore so it's not completely random when they drunkenly stalk her into an area. Of course, Edward (the "stupid shiny Volvo owner") comes to her rescue.

And they go back into town, where Bella meets up with her human female friends who have eaten dinner.  She has dinner with Edward where he admits he can read minds, just not hers.  I had to laugh when he goes around the room, reading minds. “Money, sex, money, sex…cat.”  And what happens next?  Bella turns it around and makes it all about her.  She thinks there is something wrong with her.  I have to agree with Edward when he wonders why she thinks about herself when he confesses to having a supernatural power.  That’s not something that happens on a daily basis.  I mean, Kit Kat, what would you do if I randomly admit that I had telepathy?

I personally would have a mental blank as it settled and go "Um...how?" Like it was something that just happened. Not the most intelligent of responses I'll admit but more realistic I think. And then they make the drive home and have the whole "wow you're cold" silent communication thing. Then, the one sequence that makes no sense to me at all. The moment Bella realizes the Cullens are vampires. She reads the book and websites and words like "cold" and "pale-skinned" become bold and jump out towards the screen with the oddly dramatic music. This music continues on into the next day at school where Bella and Edward casually walk off the school grounds to head into the forest and no one says anything.

WHAT THE HELL?  No one cares that two teens are just walking off campus and heading into a huge forest alone on a school day?  And of course we have the “I know what you are” speech where she calls Edward out on being a vampire.  This scene had the potential to be good and romantic, but here’s my problem with it.  At this point in the film, it seems like Bella and Edward barely know each other and really have nothing in common.  Why are they declaring their love for each other so soon?  The relationship went way too fast and got way too intense.  For the love of pickles, he said he wanted to kill Bella and she looked like she might be turned on by that idea!  She almost goads him into biting her neck right there when he shows restraint!  Cheers to you Edward for trying to ward off her unnecessarily strong advances for about 5 minutes before giving in and showing off your glitter rubbed body.  By the way Robert Pattinson, you don’t have a hot body, but I appreciate that.  Not all hot guys need to have 6 pack abs.

Then, they play right into what everyone thinks a romantic tween movie should have, the always awkard 'I want you to meet my parents' scene. But excuse me, don't you do that with the girl you are planning to marry? I doubt you do that with every girl or guy you date. WAY too serious too soon. Then again, this is one of the what...two...three scenes where Edward's family finally gets the chance to say something. Once again, his family seems like an after thought. Though, I do love the moment where Rose gets so ticked she breaks the salad bowl.

Say what you want about Rosalie, but I agree with her.  Bella is putting the family in danger by dating Edward.  The tension is diffused when Alice enters the kitchen with Jasper in tow.  I’ll admit, I wanted to hug Jasper in this scene and tell him he’d be all right.  The man needs more hugs.  Then it goes to a brief tour and yet another scene of them in the forest.  Ok…the whole forest thing is played out already.  And we haven’t even touched on the bad guys yet.  Keep in mind we have all three baddies in this film and they play such a minor role.  Sad…I really liked James.

Yeah, I felt bad for poor Jasper. And he gets like one line. But then with the whole forest deal it's like 'yeah, we get it, they love each other, they live in the forest. now get to the story all ready!' *ahem* Anyway, we eventually get to the part where Edward is gonna bring Bella along to play umpire for a game of vampire baseball. This is one of the scenes I really liked in this movie. The music was perfect and it showed off the vampires and their skills. But of course, we have to have SOMETHING go wrong. If something didn't I might have walked out of the theater. I wanted some action and this is where the "evil" nomad vampires wander into the scene. Oops doesn't seem like such a smart idea now to have Bella around does it? Maybe you really should have waited till they completely left town before starting up a game.

I want to spend some time on the baseball scene, but there is one thing I want to touch on before that.  Bella brings Edward home to properly meet Charlie.  I will admit this.  Charlie is my favorite human in the series.  Bella almost begs for him to meet her boyfriend and at this point, he’s cleaning a shot gun.  When he agrees, Charlie cocks the gun (I assume, I don’t know guns.) and says “All right, bring him in.”  Best.  Scene. In the entire series.

Actually, he was cleaning in the barrels of the gun and he jerked on the stock of the gun to snap the barrels back into place. But close enough. That really is a classic scene. You almost need a banjo playing.

The baseball scene is by far one of the most important ones in the film.  It’s the first time we get all the Cullens really interacting with each other while listening to “Supermassive Black Hole” by Muse.  I have to love Jasper tossing the bat in his hand because he doesn’t look pained for a change.  Plus, there is some awesome Kellan Lutz action going on.  Even in a boring sweatsuit, the man looks hot!

I have to say, I was oogling Jasper every second I could. It was then that I really grew to love Jasper over the other possible guys. He is truly in his element and not pretending to be anything else. And Alice is a kick-ass pitcher. We even have some tension between Bella and Rose when Bella decides that Rose was tagged out at home base. Personally, I might have had an issue if she had directed that look at me.

And then we have the drama.  Alice has a vision of the nomads arriving moments before it happens.  James, Victoria and Laurent show up and the Cullens try and hide Bella, which doesn’t work out.  The wind blows, her scent is caught by James and it all goes to hell.  What I don’t understand is why James wants to kill Bella, other than that she is a human.  Is he just that insane?

Or maybe he wants a snack and she's the closest in proximity. In any case, it gets stated, I believe that because Edward protected Bella it made it a game for James. A game to see if he could get past Edward and kill Bella. Well, drink her blood till she dies. So Edward starts trying to drive her out of the city but Bella worries about her father. So, with the bare minimum of convincing and no explanation they appear back at Charlie's house with Bella suddenly angry at Edward and packing up her things to drive back to Arizona. Of course, Edward is in her room to help her so we find out this is the plan to keep James from going after her father. Bella has to "get mean" to make her father let her go. Personally, the acting could have used more work.

I’d shoot for a better plot.  So, in one night, Alice and Jasper get Bella to Arizona while the others go to huge efforts to hide her tracks.  Again, why are they working so hard to help her when she’s barely been with Edward?  Also, where’s Esme?  Take a look for yourself.  She’s not there!  So, Alice has a vision and Bella stupidly goes to take on James by herself in a ballet studio.  Great idea, dumbass.  Go fight the strong vampire in a building full of glass.  And you barely even put up a fight Bella.  I’m sure feminism is disappointed in you.

I mean yeah, he supposedly has her mother and what not but her stupidity aside. Alice can see the future right? And this whole time she's been watching James' movements in relation to Bella. So...how does Bella manage to sneak past both Alice AND Jasper in the lobby, get a taxi, and ride all the way to the ballet studio which apparently takes till night to get to and they aren't there... And then there is this huge window of time where James hurts Bella while he records it and still no one shows. It's not till James starts to really get angry that Edward shows first. Hell, where are Alice and the others? Alice and Jasper were the closest. How the heck does Edward get there so far ahead of them? Edward was with Carlisle and Emmett so they all knew where Bella was being held. Why don't they come too?

I’ve wondered the same thing too.  Remember in the baseball scene, it was stated that Edward is the fastest one, so that’s one explanation but since the other ones show up seconds later…well, screw that idea.  Let’s just assume the hauled ass all the way and didn’t get a ticket or need to stop for gas.  But James does a number on Bella, cutting her up, breaking her leg and almost turning her.  Edward kills James and drinks her blood to get the venom out.  Why didn’t he just let it happen?  That’s what she wants, to become a vampire and live with Edward forever after only maybe 5 months of dating.  But no, he drains her, she passes out, then we’re at a hospital with her mother. 

Remember CinemaChick, Edward believe he doesn't have a soul and that he would be taking Bella's life from her. He wants her to live as long as a human as she can. Yeah, that’s going REALLY well so far. She nearly died cause you didn't turn her you idiot.

But back to the hospital, after a talk with her mom who leaves to call Charlie or something, Edward finally comes to talk to Bella. This brings about the weirdest freak out ever when someone has told the other than they don’t think they should be near each other. Bella stutters more than anyone I know in this scene and her lack of making completely sentences really gets messed up. However, this stuttering thing seems to do the trick and Edward gives in.

Then we’re back in Forks, just in time for prom, conveniently.  Apparently Charlie is over the fight and he waits downstairs with Edward while Bella gets ready.  She heads down in a lovely blue dress…only to ruin it with her grandmother’s sweater.  I can get past the boot and the sneaker, but that sweater is hideous.  They go to the dance where Jacob shows up, telling her to stay away from the Cullens and does not explain further.  Bella and Edward go in, they dance, she begs to be turned and we pretty much have the end of the film.  The final shot is of Victoria watching them from a window, then turning to leave, looking very sad.

And then looking very devious and determined. And then the credits roll with some moments from the movie. And that's pretty much it. We could go into further detail about how some of the scenes in the movie don't exist in the book, at least not in the same form. Personally, I'm a book lover and if I read a book and the movie comes after it I expect certain things to be true. The most important thing: the characters stay true to form from the book to the movie. There are moments that is true but that's not enough for me. I wanted to really see these characters personalities come out through the movie like they were in the book.

I still hate the movie.  I dislike the boring plot, the overdrawn exposition and the lack of any real acting talent.  However, I liked how they kept all of the colors muted throughout to give the film a serious tone.  There are pops of color at moments of interest, but other than that, it’s almost like a grey scale film.  I would be glad if they had spent less time in the forest.  We get it.  Forks is rainy, boring as hell and apparently surrounded by trees.  How many times must we establish that?  And Stephanie Meyer even makes a cameo in her own film.  I find that cheesy.  Alfred Hitchcock did it, yes, but the man is a legend.  He earned his right to appear in every film.  She has not.  Basically, it’s another lame teen romance that just gets weird as it goes along.

I totally agree with you there CinemaChick. There were more downs than ups the majority of the time. Unfortunately, for those that haven't read the books you can't skip watching the first movie. Otherwise, you'll have an even harder time figuring out just what the hell is going on. Then again, the movie doesn't really help either.

You know, Kit Kat, I think you could skip the first movie.  The second one could stand alone since they don’t reference anything from the first film and just picks up on a completely different plot.  But, we’ll get to the second movie next time.  For now, I’m going to read a good book and try not to think about Edward Cullen or his ridiculous hair style.

And I think you're right CinemaChick. I'm gonna head off and work on a fanfic of Twilight...that actually makes sense.

Well, I’m TheCinemaChick and I’m watching the Twilight series and being completely honest about what I think.  On behalf of Kit Kat and all my movie buddies, I bid you a pleasant movie watching experience.