Hello all you people currently not in movie theaters! I go by TheCinemaChick and I’m sticking with that story. If you noticed my minuscule post around four this morning-ish, you know that I did indeed a midnight showing of Breaking Dawn Part I. I was incredibly exhausted and wanted to write it then, but you know…didn’t. So here we are, back in my territory of discussing movies.
Ok, we all know my thoughts on the Twilight Saga. I’m not a fan. Bella Swan is an incompetent moron who fumbles through life, happy so long as she has her dead boyfriend. Edward is overprotective and borderline abusive, but he’s a tortured soul, which apparently makes domestic abuse ok. If you want more on my dislike of the series, go into my archives, find the links and read them. I ain’t about to repeat everything here because I have neither the time nor patience.
One thing before I dive into the world of glitter soaked vampires. I will be discussing the movie more in depth than usual. It is a book; therefore I am technically not spoiling anything. Breaking Dawn is currently available in your local library and bookstore. Remember kids, reading is fun!
While I’m on the topic of children…I understand midnight premieres are major events, but it’s not appropriate to take young kids, we’re talking under the age of eighteen, to something like this. They still have school in the morning and I don’t think letting them skip a day just to see a movie is good. I’m broke and unemployed (hopefully not for much longer), so I had no plans. Plus, I’m a big girl now.
Anyway, enough of that. On to Breaking Dawn.
You should know the basic plot if you’ve read the books, seen the movies or even seen the previews. Bella gets married, they go on a honeymoon, she gets pregnant, chaos ensues, she dies and gets changed. End of part one.
I’ll try not to give away too much, but there are things I liked and hated about the movie. For one, I still don’t give a damn about Bella. She annoys me, she’s irritating and it seems like her great ambition in life is to be dead. The entire movie centers around her trying to die so she can be changed. Enough of my ranting.
The movie starts off with the wedding everyone’s been waiting for. The previews have shown a lot of it and it doesn’t really improve much from there. I’ll probably get shot for this, but I hated the dress. It’s got a weird geometric stitching on the front that just looks odd. Not to mention, Kristen Stewart looks positively anorexic. Seriously, she looks so thin it’s sickening. The back of the dress looks pretty, as does her hair, makeup and accessories.
However, Bella has a dream sequence that shows her in a much nicer dress, the one she should have worn. I was actually highly impressed with this scene. Right before, Edward has confessed to a few unsavory actions, such as killing humans. Bella dreams of the wedding, then finds herself standing on top of a giant cake, decorated with the bodies of her loved ones. Edward’s white tuxedo has a red stain, as do his lips. I hate to say it, but this is something we knew all along. Vampires are killers. They need blood to survive, so this shouldn’t have been so much of a shock. However, it was a very artistically beautiful scene, albeit highly morbid. The good news, I like morbid.
The wedding reception was much better. It was fun and interesting. This is also where we get to meet some of the other vampires, such as Eleazar and Irina. If I spelled their names wrong, my sincerest apologies Twi-hards. I wish we’d gotten to know the new covens more because they appear to only be a cameo. Yeah, they’re coming back for part two, but the wedding is a huge ordeal. Listen to the toasts various people make because those are downright hilarious. Emmet’s speech is so wildly inappropriate but it fits his personality. Jacob shows up towards the end, only to get pissed off. The other wolves restrain him and they leave. You know, because weddings are happy occasions.
This goes into the honeymoon, which is painfully long. It’s slow paced and brings the whole movie to a jarring halt. This is including the now infamous sex scene. It’s just…well…I’m not happy about it. Breaking Dawn and the entire Twilight series is aimed at a younger audience, teenage girls to be specific. There’s so much bare skin that it made me blush. We get a nice montage of their relations, where Bella is left bruised in a destroyed bedroom. Once again, I’d like to play the abuse card. And as we all know, this leaves Bella knocked up with a demon spawn.
They go back to Forks so Carlisle can keep a close watch on the rapidly growing fetus. Rosalie plays protector while everyone else seems to try and talk her out of having the baby. For the first (and last) time, Bella stands up for herself and chooses to do something. Sure, the child is killing her and will cause her death when it’s born, but hey, she’s bringing new life into the world! I’ll admit, the costuming and make up on Kristen Stewart is pretty damn convincing. She appears skeletal and frail, like all the life has been sucked out of her. To be fair, she never truly looked alive in the first place.
Oh yeah, while all this mess is going on, the wolves are having drama as well. Jacob splinters the pack. Seth and Leah decided to follow him, which angers Sam Uley, the other Alpha. I have a hard time telling Sam and Paul apart, so I’m not sure what happened with them. Not to mention, those scenes are quick so you don’t get time to dwell on them. The Quiliuetes are still more of an afterthought than a main focus. If you’ve read the books, you know that Breaking Dawn is told from both Bella and Jacob’s perspective, which doesn’t translate to screen at all.
Which brings me to one point I’ve been meaning to make. I’m glad the other characters got to have more of a presence in this film. They’re more prominent, getting more than just two lines and a background shot. Granted, it seems all of the Cullens had makeovers before the wedding. Edward’s hair has lost its poof, Alice ’s hair is shorter, Rosalie and Carlisle ’s hair seemed to look a bit brassy, Jasper learned how to use a flat iron, and Emmet gained a small afro. In Eclipse, Rosalie says they are frozen in time, so how the hell did they all change their hair so drastically?
The movie is choppy, not really bothering to mess with transitions. We just skip from scene to scene. Even with that, they cram a lot into two hours. I seriously thought there would be more saved for the second part but no. We leave off with Bella opening her blood red eyes. While she’s letting Edward’s venom course through her body, freezing her as an eighteen year old, there’s a pack of wolves outside trying to break in and kill her baby. Don’t get me started on how stupid the name Reneesme is. Jacob imprints on her and that’s apparently all the wolves need to hear.
I’ll admit, the imprinting scene was beautifully done. Jacob drops to one knee and sees her in the future. They replay his monologue on how it feels to imprint on someone before you realize, “holy shit, he’s in love with a freaking newborn!” Yes, you heard me right. Jacob’s soul mate is Bella and Edward’s mutant baby. I don’t even mean that in a negative way. It’s half vampire, half human which to me is more than qualified to be a mutant. According the Quiliuete law, whoever the wolf has imprinted on is immediately accepted into the pack…or something. So, Sam acknowledges this and leaves.
Anticlimactic.
Then we have the seizure inducing credits. Stay tuned however because there is a bonus scene with the Volturi which leaves a second cliffhanger, teasing your Twilight craving palate with a tiny taste of what is to come.
Suspense, they has it.
So there you go. Breaking Dawn Part I is actually worth watching. I enjoyed it, had some genuine laughs and did leave thinking, “Ok…damnit…gotta wait an entire year to see how this ends.” And with my history, that’s monumental. I’m actually excited to see how the series ends. Granted, I know it’s going to be the whole “they lived happily ever after” crap I’ve come to hate and the big climax of the whole thing will be a lively debate of vampires and werewolves against the Volturi.
A few little things I want to add in and we’ll be done.
I heart Charlie.
The housekeeper named Gustavo is the best part of the honeymoon scene.
The graphic birth is both fascinating and disgusting. It’s done tastefully, but it’s still gory.
I’d still like to know how Edward got a syringe full of his venom.
I secretly hope to find a real life Jacob Black.
Well, I’m TheCinemaChick and I’m Team Aro…as far as you know.
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