Spy On, Johnny English!

            Hey guys, I’m known as TheCinemaChick and I watch all sorts of movies!  Right now, I’m lounging around in my ugly old grey hoodie and some nifty diamond pattern socks that sort of look like Mardi Gras threw up on them.  Say what you want about my ugly ensemble, but I’m comfy.

            Now, I haven’t been to the theater since the Breaking Dawn midnight premiere, but I’m taking a look back at something I saw around the time I watched The Three Musketeers.  I know, I know, I said I wouldn’t review Johnny English Reborn but…well…I promised this to someone.  

            I have a fan.

            So, get your…whatever you’re snacking on or drinking ready and lets dive into some good old fashion spy moves!  I currently have peppermint bark and Diet Dr Pepper, but if you want something else, by all means, go forth and get it.  I’ll wait.  I’ve got nothing else to do tonight, other than you know…be totally freaking awesome.  That’s a lie…I’m too nerdy to be freaking awesome, so I’ll just be awesome.  Yeah, let’s go with that.

            I’ll admit, I had no idea there was a first Johnny English movie, so a sequel came as a shock to me.  Well, Butterfly wanted to see it and we all know I can’t say no to him.  It’s not creepy at all.  He just happens to have good taste in films and sometimes he makes better decisions than I do.  Don’t tell him I said that.  He’d never let me forget it.

            Anyway, for a movie I knew nothing about, it did a good job telling me what had happened.  I don’t know what happened in the first movie, so at some point in this fictional timeline, Johnny messed up a mission in Africa and someone died.  He has since left the agency to find peace in what I assume was a monastery.  The scenes there were nice, except for the few times Rowan Atkinson’s character had a fake rock tied to his…ahem…”jewels”.  The phrase “balls of steel” comes to mind.

            Well, of course he is called back to England because there is a mole in the agency so he needs to solve a mystery.  Keep in mind this is not a dramatic movie nor is it Mission Impossible in any way.  Remember, it’s a stupid, light hearted film filled with a lot of laughter.  And the laughter happens a lot.  I loved the scene where Johnny gets his new gadgets and they have a candy tin.  This one comes up in the previews, the voice altering candies.  He tries to look so casual about it but it’s so obvious that he’s the one who did it.

            Not to mention, he’s a badass Rolls Royce Phantom.  I’ve never even been near a Rolls Royce!  I have been near a limo once, at a funeral, but that’s no fun.  Out of curiosity, I Googled the car to see how much it cost and damn…that’s like my bachelor’s, master’s and Ph.D with a house thrown in there.  $380,000 for this car folks.  As much as I’m drooling over it, I’m perfectly content with my dinged up little Malibu named Gandalf.  Yes, I named my car.

           

            So, the whole point of the movie is to find the mole who is trying to assassinate the Chinese premier…which I guess is like the Prime Minister.  The whole time he’s trying to also locate an elderly woman who’s killing people that have information he needs.  Goes to show, can’t even trust your cleaning lady.  There’s a hilarious scene that involves the cleaning lady murderer and a totally innocent old woman with a wacky case of mistaken identity.

            Honestly, I can’t give the plot away without telling you everything funny.  I loved it and I did laugh a lot.  Some people have said it’s stupid, well no shit!  It’s meant to be a spoof of the serious spy films.  Have you ever seen Rowan Atkinson in a serious role?  I would see it again but it faded from the theaters around here pretty fast.  Then again, I don’t think the American audience will appreciate it as much as a European one.

            Also, I’m working on that give away.  Harkins has sent me the goods and now I shall deliver!  

            …that sounded wrong?  Did it sound wrong to anyone else?

            Moving on.

            I am planning on seeing The Muppets this weekend because seriously…it’s the freaking Muppets!  It’s like the best part of my childhood come to my adult life.  Hey, if you can find me an Amy’s Ice Cream, I’ll be in heaven.  Sadly, I am no in Austin anymore.  All I have is…well, freaking Cowboys Stadium.  Um…I also have a Freebirds right down the street, so that’s a consolation.  Great, I’ve made myself hungry.  Yes, I had some peppermint bark but it was such a small amount…

            Well, I’m going on a tangent about snacks, so this is as good a time as any to sign off.  I’m TheCinemaChick and I hope you enjoy my nonsensical ramblings, Aslan.