Hello everyone out there! I’m the sometimes imitated but never duplicated, TheCinemaChick. I’m almost completely caught up with my reviews so that’s a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. So, three films down and two more to go, with an additional two movies to come this weekend. I’ve decided to go see “A Dangerous Method” and “Albert Nobbs” because they are finally playing in my area. Even though it’s going to be a bit of a trek to see them, I still plan on watching them. They appeal to me for different reasons. “A Dangerous Method” is about Jung and Freud. I did study psychology for two years but Freud fascinates and irritates me. “Albert Nobbs” sounds like it will be intriguing.
Now, before I get into my review of “Underworld: Awakening”, there’s one thing I’d like to make clear. I have not seen any of the previous movies in the series. I have tried watching them when they came on TV, but because a lot of the movie is dark, I had trouble seeing things. Visually, I cannot see half the action, so to me, I see no point in watching a movie that I can’t see. Most people who know me, know I love movies about vampires and werewolves, with the exception of the Twilight series.
So you’re probably wondering why I subjected myself to the fourth film in a series I’ve never seen. I had a gift card. Plus, an extended version of the trailer mentioned a hybrid (vampire and lycan in one) which got me a little more interested. So, I was hesitant to see it, but Fry and I venture out on opening night to see “Underworld: Awakening” in 3D.
First of all, don’t bother with the 3D. It was a complete waste. Well, if you enjoy the illusion of broken glass and blood flying at you, then by all means pay the extra money. I personally do not like having fake blood slung at me so I got nothing out of it. And even though it was trying so hard to be hardcore and intense, it wasn’t. Instead, it was an overly complicated, jumbled mess. I’m sure die hard fans of the Underworld movies will love it and disagree with me completely.
For one, it starts with a voiceover that gives a brief history of the previos films, which still told me absolutely nothing. Then it goes into a sort of found footage montage of humans killing vampires and werewolves…because as we all know, they are just afflicted with an infection. You heard me. Vampires and werewolves are just infected people. Yeah…I consider myself somewhat of a supernatural creature expert and I can assure you, that’s not true. Way to screw up there, movie.
Here’s what bothered me the most. They gloss over this mass murder and skip to present day. Um…maybe this is just me, but it seems like something this huge would be worth an entire film. Throughout the movie, this little war is referred to as “The Purge”. It sounds ominous. Make a movie about that. Show me how some of the vampires and werewolves managed to survive or perhaps what they had to do in order to hide from the humans that clearly outnumbered them.
Nope. They talk about “The Purge” for about five minutes then go into the main plot. Selene (played by Kate Beckinsale) breaks out of a testing facility and basically goes on a killing spree. Ok…vampire out for vengeance. This is not a new concept. It’s fairly cliché at this point. To make things even better, they add the concept of Selene having a child. I have another problem here. She’s supposedly been frozen for the past twelve years. How did she have a kid? Was the child genetically created or was it created through natural means? This is never explained and I was just supposed to accept this to be true.
Traditional vampire myth says vampires are not capable of having children because they are in a state of suspended aging. They are technically dead so their reproductive organs are basically useless. Sure, they can have sex but they won’t be able to conceive. With no explanation in this movie, the whole concept becomes illogical.
Of course, the rest of the movie is just Selene trying to protect this child, who has no name. No one bothers to name her, another something that bothered me. The kid is a hybrid, but when she transforms, she looks like the girl from “The Ring”. It was all very underwhelming. Most of the film is over the top action scenes that go nowhere. The ending of the film was absolutely ridiculos. After spending 2 hours screaming, “Where’s Michael?” Selene finds him in the testing facility. She frees him but doesn’t stick around to take him with her. She just breaks open the freezer he’s in and leaves. Smart idea there! I know, you’re in danger, but having a person with you to fight makes your odds go up.
So the movie ends on a cliffhanger, with yet another voiceover. Yes, it has set itself up for another sequel. However, I don’t see it doing well. While it did take number one at the box office last weekend, I predict that “Underworld” will quickly fade into obscurity. Again, only die hard fans will keep seeing this. For me, the plot was almost nonexistent and it’s more of a reason to see Kate Beckinsale back in black latex for two hours. The action scenes aren’t riveting and when they try to create a plot, it gets so complicated that no one cares. Once everything involving “The Purge” is over, is Selene running around, fighting others and then its done. Then, there’s the subplot with the werewolves apparently genetically modifying themselves, which goes nowhere.
Sure, it was entertaining but not good. I didn’t care for it, partially because I know nothing about the series and mostly because I don’t like paper thin plots that are more focused on showcasing how hot their lead actress is.
If you insist on seeing this in a theater, wait until it hits a dollar theater. It’s seriously not worth it. Don’t bother with the 3D either. I found it rather disappointing. If I wanted a crappy vampire love story where a child somehow is born through questionable means, I’d go watch Twilight. However, Underworld is better than Twilight…barely. It’s not my cup of tea but someone else may enjoy it. I know Fry liked it, but she’s seen the other movies in the series.
I’m TheCinemaChick and I think my ivy has finally died…or needs water desperately.
Yeah, sounds like the first one is still the better. They just gradually went downhill. I prefer werewolves, but didn't even like 'Rise of the Lycans'.
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