Layers

            Hello people who continue to read my reviews!  I’m the girl in the shadows who loves a good (and bad) movie, TheCinemaChick.  Don’t be fooled by imitations.  Well everyone, I’ve come to the end of a very productive and expensive two weeks and I’ve decided to calm down for a bit.  I mean, eight movies in fourteen days?  Even I find that a bit excessive.  February is going to be a slow month since there aren’t many movies that I want to see.  

            Here’s my plan.  I will review The Woman in Black but other than that, I am considering the month of February a hiatus.  Yes, you’re going to have to live a month without me.

            You’ll survive.

            So, this is the last review I have from my triple feature this past Friday.  I’ve already talked about A Dangerous Method and Albert Nobbs, so now it’s time for The Descendants.  While I will agree that it is a good movie, I wouldn’t go so far as saying it’ll win Best Movie at The Oscars

            A lot of people are saying young actress Shailene Woodley was snubbed for an Oscar for her performance, but I’m going to have to disagree.  While she was indeed amazing, she wasn’t exactly the most spectacular performances ever.  Even George Clooney, who is normally at the top of everyone’s list, doesn’t quite cut it.  While he is also a contender for Best Actor, I don’t see him winning it.    So yes, The Descendants was a great movie and it deserves all the praise it’s getting, but I just don’t think it’s the best thing ever.  I’m still putting all my money on The Artist.

           The Descendants was a very good movie that did something wonderful.  It told a simple story in a very complex way.  On the surface, it’s a story about a man trying to raise two young girls.  Once the movie gets going, it’s actually far more complicated.  After watching it, the quote from Shrek came to mind, the one about having layers.  This one definitely had layers.  Fortunately, they all work together and resolve at the end of the movie.  So, on top of having two daughters, his wife is dying, she had been cheating on him and was about to file for divorce.  

            Clooney plays Matt King, father of Alexandra (Woodley) and Scottie (played by Amara Miller).  On top of all his personal issues, King is trying to make a deal with a large plot of land his family owns.  I liked how this portrayed something fairly realistic.  The family is broken and dealing with something everyone has to deal with.  They deal with infidelity, death, tough decisions and coming together when they need each other most.

            Technically and artistically, there’s nothing special about this movie.  It focuses mostly on the family and it’s mission to unearth the truth and say goodbye to their mother.  I thought it was a touching movie about families, but by no means is it a family film.  There is a lot of cursing and I’m not talking mild.  There is some hardcore language used both by the adults and the younger characters.  I personally don’t like having young children using those words. 

            And if you’re expecting a nice comedy, think again.  The movie is incredibly depressing.  There are moments of genuine humor to detract from the somber mood, but by no means is it the feel good film of the year.  I have to admit, I do like that The Descendants isn’t trying to make me happy.  So many of those comedy movies out there are so terrible and try so hard to make the audience happy that it fails.  This one however, does not disguise its intentions, which in turn makes it very respectable.

            I do recommend The Descendants because it is a fine film, though its not the most uplifting thing ever.  George Clooney fans will love it as much as I did and I’m not a fan of his.  A surprising actor you wouldn’t think would be in something like this also shows up: Matthew Lillard.  I won’t say what his role is or why it’s so important to the overall plot.  Even though I don’t find this to be the best thing ever, I would see it again and bring friends along to see it as well.  It’s an experience that I think everyone should have.

            It’s not often that I get to see a film that shows a realistic family in a plausible situation.  Most of the times, families come across as perfect and has nothing wrong, but this one was willing to say “Hey, we’re dysfunctional, but we’re trying to make things work with what we have!”  

            The world isn’t perfect.  I like it when a movie doesn’t try to hide the fact that bad things happen.  Even though I didn’t find this move Oscar worthy, it’s making a big splash in the theaters.  I think its worth a look so if you’re wondering what to see this weekend, check out The Descendants.  You’ll understand why it’s the most enjoyable depression you’ll ever have.

            I’m TheCinemaChick and “I am not the girl you thought I would be.  I will never be, so get over me.  I am not the girl I’m going to be.  Nothing more to say.”

           I’ll have my Oscar predictions up tomorrow, The Woman in Black review up in Friday, then I’ll see you all in March.

            Thanks for the love and support.

It's a man's world, sort of

            Hey guys, I’m your lovable online movie critic with an opinion, TheCinemaChick and I’m about to start on my second review of the day.  Now, I’m having a little reservation with this review because once again, it might offend people.  It has nothing to do with what I plan to say, rather with the nature of the movie.  While A Dangerous Method was all about sexuality, Albert Nobbs dealt with sexual issues.  There is a major theme of gender roles, homosexuality, and transgender and cross dressing.

            I am going to spoil the movie a bit for everyone because there is so much to discuss. 

            The movie takes place in Ireland, where Albert Nobbs, the titular character resides and works in a hotel.  Glenn Close plays the lead, where she is unrecognizable.  For the sake of keeping things straight, when I refer to Close, I will use the masculine pronoun.  He has been dressing as a man for over thirty years so he truly believes he is one.  No one else even suspects that Albert Nobbs is a woman.  He lives a simple life, works during the day and counts his money at night.  Most people see him to be a quiet, strange man.

            I can honestly say there isn’t anything in here most people would enjoy.  It’s hushed; the colors are subtle except during dream sequences but it’s a very emotional, powerful movie.  The more I watched, the more I began to feel things for Albert.  When he got sick, I became worried.  When it was obvious the younger maid was using him for money, I wanted to yell and tell him to leave her.  It’s not a happy film and it might just leave you depressed

            There are some notable actors in here.  Mark Williams plays one of the butlers who works in the hotel.  He is probably better known as Arthur Weasley from the Harry Potter series.  Brendan Gleeson also shows up in the movie as the lecherous Dr. Holloran.  Again, he was in the Harry Potter films, playing Mad Eye Moody.  Jonathan Rhys Meyers has a very small role in the film, which is almost more like a cameo that an actually role.  And of course, there is a love interest played by Mia Wasikowska, who is famous for playing Alice in the Tim Burton remake of Alice in Wonderland.

            I’ll admit, the cast was superb especially, Janet McTeer.  She plays Hubert Page, the only other character in the film who can relate to Albert in any way.  Page is the only character who can do this because he is actually the same.  Like Albert, Hubert is also a woman dressed as a man.  The two form a close friendship which ultimately leads to tragedy.  Typhoid sweeps through Dublin and claims several lives.  While Nobbs is stricken with the disease, he makes a full recovery.

            Albert then begins to believe it is time for him to take a wife and he sets his eyes on the young maid Helen, played by Wasikowska.  Helen, however, is shacking up with Joe (Aaron Johnson) and is actually carrying his child.  Things get complicated as Albert falls for her, wanting to share his dreams with her.  Sadly, she does not share the same dream and finally decides to leave him.  What Albert never knew was that Joe was telling her to use him in order to get money for them so they could leave Ireland for America.

            Ok, so the plot isn’t exactly thrilling and exciting.  It’s not particularly intense nor is there a lot of scenes that’ll get you blood pumping.  Instead, it relies heavily on character development.  By the time the credits roll, you know everything about Albert, Hubert, Helen and Joe.  The story of why Albert chose to live as a man is heartbreaking and when Hubert has to deal with his wife Cathleen’s death, you really feel sorry for him.  The movie knows exactly how to play with your emotion, then manipulate them so you feel everything Albert goes through.

            I can see how this movie earned its multiple award nominations.  It’s made the race for Best Actress impossible to call.  Best Makeup will also be a tough one to predict because the movies nominated are all very good.

            I seriously think people should go out and watch Albert Nobbs.  It’s one of the best movies out there and it succeeds in doing something many other films cannot seem to do.  It tells a story.  Most films now are about entertainment at the expense of a decent plot or even a good tale.  Albert Nobbs manages to create a character that is relatable and sympathetic.

            Let’s face it.  At some point in our lives, we’ve all stopped and wondered the same things.  “Who am I?”  “Why am I here?”  “What is my purpose?” and “Will I ever be happy?”  Those are things I ponder on a daily basis.  We’ve all been in a room full of people and felt completely alone.  I’m not the only person who’s looked at their life and wondered if my own dreams were too far from my reach.  Albert Nobbs could be anyone, which is why the movie is so good.  Ok, maybe we’re not all crossdressers living in Ireland, but the search for self is one we can all understand.

            My main caveat is that some people are very uncomfortable with the idea of transgendered characters.  The topic of homosexuality does come up since Hubert is actually a female who has a wife.  Albert tries to court Helen unsuccessfully.  Helen and Albert do share a very awkward kiss at one point.  And the movie does touch on the idea of untraditional gender roles, mostly because it is a woman doing what was considered a man’s job.  You have to admit, in the late 1800s and early 1900s, there wasn’t much for women to do.  They were housekeepers, maids, mothers, wives but some of them dreamed of something more.

            Think about it.  If you had the courage to chase that seemingly impossible dream, whether its to make a huge career move, to change something about yourself or to fall in love, wouldn’t you?  

            I’m TheCinemaChick and can we forget about the things I said last night?  I didn’t mean to tell you that…

A Dangerous Method indeed

**This review will discuss things that might be inappropriate to younger readers and those who are sensitive.  I will be discussing sexual matters, only because of the material in the film.  Just letting you know now.**

            Greetings lovers of the theater!  My name is TheCinemaChick and I love watching movies of all sorts.  Once again, I went on sort of a bender and watched three movies in one day at three theaters.  Yeah…not my most brilliant idea ever but it sure was fun.  So, the first on my list was A Dangerous Method, which stars Michael Fassbender, Keira Knightley and Viggo Mortenson.  I won’t like, I love Viggo Mortenson.  He’s one of my all time favorite actors.  The whole reason I watched this movie is because once upon a time, before I ever considered being a writer, I wanted to be a psychiatrist.  I studied psychology and sociology for two years before realizing that I was better suited in the liberal arts department.

            So, I know a lot about Freud and Jung thanks to my miniscule background in psychology.  I don’t necessarily agree with either of them, but I respect them for the contributions to the field.  The thing is, Freud just annoys me.  If a woman has a mental issue, she’s hysterical and it’s probably because she has a sexual problem.  Yeah…I’m sure my depression is directly related to sex. 

            Despite my dislike of Sigmund Freud, I found this movie enjoyable.  It goes beyond the psychological aspect to show what Jung’s life was like.  Once again, I can’t say if this completely accurate, but if it was, wow…that man had a busy life.  A wife, kids and two mistresses?  I can’t imagine juggling career, family and side projects, though I have done it before.  I even wrote my first villanelle about it.  See, I was still sort of dating Kitzy but I was sort of dating a boy I knew in high school…and the irony being, everyone who read it thought it was about sex.  It wasn’t…just about being emotionally attached to two guys.  Though, I suppose calling it “The Affair” didn’t help my case.

            I’ll admit, I’m not a fan of Keira Knightley.  I don’t think she’s a great actress or even that attractive.  A lot of my guy friends think she’s hot but I guess I need a guy’s mind to understand.  However, in this film, at least for a third of it, I actually liked her.  She plays a Russian woman named Sabina Spielrein.  According to the epilogue, she did go on to be a prominent woman in psychology, but I’ve never heard of her, so I can’t really say anything.  Her entrance into the film was amazing though.  She’s brought it, suffering from an unnamed mental disorder.  Knightley really went all out with her performance.  She’s screaming, fighting the orderlies and she’s absolutely hideous.  I don’t know how I could even begin to accurately describe her because it’s just so incredible. 

            However, as the film progressed, I was less than impressed with her.  Even though she is supposed to be Russian, she loses her accent many times and comes off as her natural British voice and sometimes, even American.  In the third act of the movie, she is entirely forgettable.  In the second act however, she had a few moments where she could have been brilliant but just stops short of it.

            This is where the review will get a little R rated, so send the kiddies out of the room now.  Like I said, there is a sexual undertone to the entire film.  It’s discussed many times but there are three scenes that explicitly involve the act.  Two of are fairly tame as both Fassbender and Knightley stay completely dressed.  Yes, they have sex, but there’s also a scene where Sabina and Jung give in to their darker desires and she gets spanked by him.  The second spanking scene is a little more risqué since she is topless and you do see her breasts.

            While the topic of bondage is a prevalent one, it’s not shown in a graphic manner.  It’s mostly talked about and there is very little sex.  The only thing that happens is what I just mentioned.  Sabina and Jung have an affair, she gets spanked a few times then Jung finds another mistress, who is never seen and only mentioned.  All that put together is enough to turn some people away from this.  However, if you didn’t know all this was in A Dangerous Method, you haven’t seen the trailer.  Yes, it is all alluded to in the trailer for this film.  If you don’t believe me, go watch it.

            Vincent Cassel shows up for an extended cameo and he’s brilliant.  He is committed to the hospital where Jung is working but he manages to escape.  For the most part, his character only speaks out against monogamy and expresses his desire to be able to love multiple women.  There is also a brief sexual scene between him and a nameless maid.  It’s not bad, but breasts are shown which might offend some people.

            If you can get past the sexual motifs and brief, slightly BDSM moments, the movie is actually really good.  It’s well written, has superb acting and its entertaining.  While it doesn’t have action or big sweeping scenery, it’s just a good movie that wont’ be getting the recognition it deserves.  Viggo Mortenson was nominated for a Golden Globe, which he didn’t win then was completely ignored by the Oscars.  In this critic’s opinion, Fassbender, Mortenson and Knightley deserved some acknowledgement of their masterful performances.

            I’m TheCinemaChick and its Mumford’s birthday.  Happy Birthday Mumford.

A Quick Review of Red Tails

            Hey fellow Internet users, I’m usually known as TheCinemaChick.  I’m finally on my fifth and final review for this past week.  I will admit, I’m rather hesitant to write this one because it does deal with the topic of racial inequality.  Red Tails is about the famous Tuskegee airmen from World War II.  I can’t say if it’s historically inaccurate or not because history isn’t my strong suit.  It’s a George Lucas film, which is something I didn’t know until I saw it.

            However, I really didn’t like it.  I feel so horrible for saying it, but I really was unimpressed.  There isn’t much history in there.  Instead, it focuses on a small group of men, but honestly, I couldn’t tell you their names.  On top of their real names, they all had nicknames, but then they’d switch between the two so I got confused.  I sort of figured it out later in the film when they all had their nicknames painted on their planes.  Honestly, if your character is going to have two names, make it clear which one he’ll use otherwise the audience will get confused.

            Also, the downside to following so many stories is that you don’t get the full story for each one.  One of the airmen, who was called Ray Gun, does get captured by German soldiers.  He and a few others managed to escape the prison, but right when it gets to a highly dramatic moment, it cuts to another scene.  This happened a lot and after a while, I was just bored with it.  We’ve got Easy, Lightening, Ray Gun, Deacon, Coffee…the stories get twisted then some things are similar and it just gets confusing.

            This is a prime example of a film having an overdeveloped plot.  There are some movies that don’t have much of a plot at all, such as Underworld: Awakening, but this was had too much going on for it to be enjoyable for me.

            And that’s such a disappointment because this is seriously is one of the best film casts ever assembled.  Having Terrence Howard and Cuba Gooding Jr. is enough to get me to the theater.  Let’s add Bryan Cranston, Ne-Yo, and Method Man.  Seriously, this cast couldn’t get any better…unless you added Samuel L. Jackson.  Samuel L. Jackson is quite possibly one of the most badass actors around.

            I did mention this has George Lucas’s name on it.  Well…during the fight scenes, that becomes painfully obvious.  I found it hard to enjoy the aerial battles because it looks so much like Star Wars.  In fact, it’s almost like a bad imitation of one of the Star Wars movies.  During close up shots, it’s so clear that they are sitting in a replica of the plane in front of a green screen.

            I guess this movie just didn’t impress me as much as the media said it would.  The previews make it out to be this epic war movie with tons of battles with the theme of brotherhood running throughout.  What I got was a slowly paced movie that’s two thirds talking and one third action.  Most of the time, the characters are either in meetings or sitting around and the audience is getting to know them.  It could have been a really good movie, but it just didn’t cut it for me.

            I’m TheCinemaChick and I’ve run out of things to say.

At least the vampires didn't sparkle

            Hello everyone out there!  I’m the sometimes imitated but never duplicated, TheCinemaChick.  I’m almost completely caught up with my reviews so that’s a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.  So, three films down and two more to go, with an additional two movies to come this weekend.  I’ve decided to go see “A Dangerous Method” and “Albert Nobbs” because they are finally playing in my area.  Even though it’s going to be a bit of a trek to see them, I still plan on watching them.  They appeal to me for different reasons.  “A Dangerous Method” is about Jung and Freud.  I did study psychology for two years but Freud fascinates and irritates me.  “Albert Nobbs” sounds like it will be intriguing. 

            Now, before I get into my review of “Underworld: Awakening”, there’s one thing I’d like to make clear.  I have not seen any of the previous movies in the series.  I have tried watching them when they came on TV, but because a lot of the movie is dark, I had trouble seeing things.  Visually, I cannot see half the action, so to me, I see no point in watching a movie that I can’t see.  Most people who know me, know I love movies about vampires and werewolves, with the exception of the Twilight series.

            So you’re probably wondering why I subjected myself to the fourth film in a series I’ve never seen.  I had a gift card.  Plus, an extended version of the trailer mentioned a hybrid (vampire and lycan in one) which got me a little more interested.  So, I was hesitant to see it, but Fry and I venture out on opening night to see “Underworld: Awakening” in 3D.

            First of all, don’t bother with the 3D.  It was a complete waste.  Well, if you enjoy the illusion of broken glass and blood flying at you, then by all means pay the extra money.  I personally do not like having fake blood slung at me so I got nothing out of it.  And even though it was trying so hard to be hardcore and intense, it wasn’t.  Instead, it was an overly complicated, jumbled mess.  I’m sure die hard fans of the Underworld movies will love it and disagree with me completely.

            For one, it starts with a voiceover that gives a brief history of the previos films, which still told me absolutely nothing.  Then it goes into a sort of found footage montage of humans killing vampires and werewolves…because as we all know, they are just afflicted with an infection.  You heard me.  Vampires and werewolves are just infected people.  Yeah…I consider myself somewhat of a supernatural creature expert and I can assure you, that’s not true.  Way to screw up there, movie.

            Here’s what bothered me the most.  They gloss over this mass murder and skip to present day.  Um…maybe this is just me, but it seems like something this huge would be worth an entire film.  Throughout the movie, this little war is referred to as “The Purge”.  It sounds ominous.  Make a movie about that.  Show me how some of the vampires and werewolves managed to survive or perhaps what they had to do in order to hide from the humans that clearly outnumbered them.

            Nope.  They talk about “The Purge” for about five minutes then go into the main plot.  Selene (played by Kate Beckinsale) breaks out of a testing facility and basically goes on a killing spree.  Ok…vampire out for vengeance.  This is not a new concept.  It’s fairly cliché at this point.  To make things even better, they add the concept of Selene having a child.  I have another problem here.  She’s supposedly been frozen for the past twelve years.  How did she have a kid?  Was the child genetically created or was it created through natural means?  This is never explained and I was just supposed to accept this to be true.

            Traditional vampire myth says vampires are not capable of having children because they are in a state of suspended aging.  They are technically dead so their reproductive organs are basically useless.  Sure, they can have sex but they won’t be able to conceive.  With no explanation in this movie, the whole concept becomes illogical.  

            Of course, the rest of the movie is just Selene trying to protect this child, who has no name.  No one bothers to name her, another something that bothered me.  The kid is a hybrid, but when she transforms, she looks like the girl from “The Ring”.  It was all very underwhelming.  Most of the film is over the top action scenes that go nowhere.  The ending of the film was absolutely ridiculos.  After spending 2 hours screaming, “Where’s Michael?” Selene finds him in the testing facility.  She frees him but doesn’t stick around to take him with her.  She just breaks open the freezer he’s in and leaves.  Smart idea there!  I know, you’re in danger, but having a person with you to fight makes your odds go up.

           So the movie ends on a cliffhanger, with yet another voiceover.  Yes, it has set itself up for another sequel.  However, I don’t see it doing well.  While it did take number one at the box office last weekend, I predict that “Underworld” will quickly fade into obscurity.  Again, only die hard fans will keep seeing this.  For me, the plot was almost nonexistent and it’s more of a reason to see Kate Beckinsale back in black latex for two hours.  The action scenes aren’t riveting and when they try to create a plot, it gets so complicated that no one cares.  Once everything involving “The Purge” is over, is Selene running around, fighting others and then its done.  Then, there’s the subplot with the werewolves apparently genetically modifying themselves, which goes nowhere.

            Sure, it was entertaining but not good.  I didn’t care for it, partially because I know nothing about the series and mostly because I don’t like paper thin plots that are more focused on showcasing how hot their lead actress is.

            If you insist on seeing this in a theater, wait until it hits a dollar theater.  It’s seriously not worth it.  Don’t bother with the 3D either.  I found it rather disappointing.  If I wanted a crappy vampire love story where a child somehow is born through questionable means, I’d go watch Twilight.  However, Underworld is better than Twilight…barely.  It’s not my cup of tea but someone else may enjoy it.  I know Fry liked it, but she’s seen the other movies in the series.

            I’m TheCinemaChick and I think my ivy has finally died…or needs water desperately.

Five People Who Influence Me

            Hey guys, I’m known as TheCinemaChick!  While I usually stick to movies, I have one more top five list I’d like to make.  You know about movies I’ve hated, movies I’ve loved and the movies that have a special place in my heart.  However, I’d like to write something about the people who’ve been inspirational to me.  I’ll have my reviews for Underworld: Awakening and Red Tails up very soon, but this has been floating in my head and it’s important to me. 

            The thing is, there’s things I’ve wanted to say for a while, but I had to remember one thing a Pulitzer prize author once told me.  “Turn off your internal censor.  If people don’t like what you write, too bad.  It’s your words.”

            So now, I’d like to talk about the five people in my life who have been a huge impact on me.  The list isn’t in any particular order, so I’m not playing favorites here.

5. Butterfly

            I’ve known Butterfly since we were in high school.  We got along really well since we’re both kind of offbeat and eclectic in our own ways.  One Halloween, we decided to put glitter in his hair and added some black lipstick.  Not sure why we thought that was a good idea.  He’s been a constant in my life for ten years now.  We see movies together, our taste in music is really similar and we’re still the weird kids we were back then.  He’s become my unofficial little brother.  I do see him as a part of my family and I don’t know what I’d do if he died.  He’s funny, he’s sarcastic, he’s a great guy.  When I’m having issues, he’s willing to help me through them.  Everyone needs that one friend they can rely on not matter what and Butterfly is that person.  We can talk about anything without it being weird.

4. Terra

            Terra is my former college room mate.  In a really bizarre way, she is also my “wife”.  Before everyone jumps to conclusions, neither of us are gay.  While at college, my group of friends created our own little family, since most of us were pretty far from home.  Somehow, I was voted to be the father and she was the mother.  Since we lived in the same room, we started joking about being a married couple.  When I first started having problems, she ended up having to take care of me.  I couldn’t walk so she’d have to get my meals and help me hobble to the bathroom.  In a sense, I’m forever in her debt for everything she did for me.  I did pay homage to her when I wrote a story for my Advanced Non Fiction class, called “A Year in Life” where I chronicled my injuries to my surgery to my recovery.  Surprisingly, everyone who read it wanted more Terra.  I think it’s because of a running joke she and I have about barbecue sauce.  Long story short, barbecue sauce should not be used for a pain reliever.

3. Mumford

            I met Mumford in college.  We had a bunch of classes together and we’d see each other around campus.  I wouldn’t say we were friends though.  I mean, we didn’t hang out on weekends or work on projects together.  During college, we were acquaintances at best.  Now you’re probably wondering why he’s on this list.  Well, for one, I’ve been reading his blog, which is amazing.  He’s got some strong opinions and his short stories make me jealous.  Seriously, he’s got some skills.  The reason he’s an influence on me is because lately, we’ve been talking more.  He’s been helping me through a rough patch and I’m incredibly grateful for it.  Mumford is a great guy.

           

            My college family knew him too.  He usually saw me with them.  We’d talk outside of class but what made me laugh (I really am laughing about it right now), is that my friends all thought he was attractive.  In a group of about five to seven girls, I’d have to hear them talk about him a lot.  If memory serves me correctly, I think one of the girls wanted to ask him out.  I just don’t recall which one it was, though I know who it wasn’t.  I know she didn’t.  She chickened out at the last minute.  My friends still ask me about him, which is little weird.  I know Kit Kat got sick of me talking about him because when I picked a name for him, I couldn’t decided, so we went through a list and ended up with the first one.  

2. Kit Kat

            You know she had to be on this list.  Kit Kat and I met through Fry.  We’ve known each other for years at this point and we’ve both come to the same conclusion.  The truth is, we are somehow long lost sisters.  It is seriously freaky how much we are alike.  I mean, we have the same taste in movies, music, books, clothes…you name it and we probably agree on it.  Ok, the one thing we don’t agree on is whether Coke or Dr. Pepper is better.  That’s one debate we’ll never settle.  But ask what our favorite shows on TV are and chances are, we’ll both say Being Human.  Ask us what our favorite food is, we’ll say Mexican.  It’s weird how alike we are when we’ve known each other only four years.

            She and I talk on a daily basis over instant messenger.  And like any other sisters, we have our squabbles and disagreements.  We’re not freaking perfect.  She was with me when I got sick, when I was going through rehab and supported my decision to return to school.  She was the one who really pushed me to start writing this blog and to stick with it.  I do feel bad because she has seen me at my worst.  She does understand because we do have similar situations going on.  We’re both job hunting like there’s no tomorrow and trying to get out in the world.

            One thing about Kit Kat.  She is the only person in the world who can call me Gimpy and not get a death glare.  Seriously.  Everyone else who has done either gets the glare or a slap on the arm.  She keeps me calm, keeps me focused and understands the way my mind works.  We’re usually on the same page.  We’re caffeine addicts who love tacos and share an unusual obsession with non Twilight vampires.

1. MovieMamma

            Yeah, my momma is my biggest influence.  Granted, things haven’t always been easy for us.  We’ve had a lot of struggles but we’ve managed to come out on top.  She’s always been the one in my corner cheering for me, whether it was a spelling bee, a UIL competition or even just a recital.  My mother is the one who taught me to not beat myself up when I make a mistake.  When I did choir, I was very hard on myself.  I had to be perfect.  One year, I pushed myself too hard and I forgot my song.  I left the recital in tears.  She told me later that messing up is fine.  Everyone embarrasses themselves at some point.  So, the next time I forgot my lyrics, I just smiled apologized and moved on.  During high school, I ended up mentoring some of the younger girls who had stage fright.

            I’ve always had big dreams.  Some of them weren’t exactly logical but she still told me to never give up on them.  Well, I highly doubt I’m going to move to London and be a billionaire writer at this point nor am I going to be a super popular singer like Adele.  Still, she knows that I want to be the next Roger Ebert and she listens to me talk about every movie I see.  She’s blind now, but I guess me talking to her about the films helps her live vicariously through me.  When I told her I wanted to be a writer, she said she thought it would be a great idea, so long as she got the first copy of my book.  She was the first person I called when I had three poems published.

            Even though my mom is sick and she won’t get to experience some of the things I’d hoped we’d do together, she’s still the biggest influence on my life.  She’s the one who told me that I shouldn’t doubt myself.  My mother is the one who showed me I have the strength to overcome anything, even though most of the time I feel defeated.  She’s helped me through the most painful breakup I’ve ever had and still listens to me cry when I’m upset.

            My mother is the most important person in the world to me.  Don’t get me wrong, I care about all of the people on my list.  Butterfly is my brother, Mumford is becoming a good friend (assuming I don’t scare him off), Terra will always be my “cannibal” (again, you had to be there for that one) and Kit Kat is my partner in crime.

            Everyone has people they love and can’t imagine life without.  It shows in different ways and sometimes, we’ll fight and disagree.  I know Kit Kat, Butterfly and Terra have different views than I do.  That’s fine with me.

            I’m TheCinemaChick and I have some amazing people in my corner.

With Pleasure

            Greetings fellow cinephile and people who like reading reviews!  I’m TheCinemaChick and a cinephile is someone who passionately loves films.  Given my history, I’d say I am one.  Now, I am still very behind with my posts, so I do apologize.  I went on sort of a bender last week, which resulted in me seeing five movies in one week.  You can see why I’m just now catching up with all this.  Plus, I wasn’t feeling so good for a few days and was pretty bummed, but things are looking better now.  I’ve been fortunate enough to have a good friend willing to listen to me and give me some great advice.

            Mumford, if you read this, I just want to thank you.  If I could, I’d bake you a cake…or something…you’ve really helped me out a lot.

            Now, if you’re keeping track, this will be the third movie of five.  So far, I’ve gone over “The Iron Lady” and “Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol”.  And now we come to quite possibly the strongest contender for best movie of 2012.  You heard me right people.  This movie was so incredibly amazing that I have been unable to describe how great this movie is.  Ironically, this is also the only film in recent history that has had almost no spoken dialogue in it.

            Ladies and gentleman, prepare for my review of quite possibly one of the best movies I have ever seen, The Artist.  It’s already winning awards, such as the Golden Globe for Best Film, Best Actor and Best Original Score.  As of right now, it also has ten Academy Award nominations.  I didn’t expect to love this movie as much as I did.  It did come as a very pleasant surprise.  Silent films don’t seem like something that would be so entertaining but it had a very modern take on it.

            Yes, The Artist is silent and in black and white.  Those two things alone might turn some people away, but do not let those things be the reason you don’t like it.  Honestly, I don’t think there is a single reason to dislike this film.  It’s quite possibly the most original, refreshing and entertaining movie I have ever seen.  I don’t mean this year or in the past year.  I am seriously referring to the duration of my entire life.  The Artist deserves every award it’s gotten and I am hoping to see it have some success at the Oscars.  Jean Dujardin is a strong contender for Best Male Actor, but he has some stiff competition.  I am hoping he wins because he deserves it.

            The story isn’t anything new, honestly.  It’s about a silent movie star who loses his fame when the industry begins making movies with sound.  He’s passed it off as a fad, certain that silent films will always be popular.  When he’s proven wrong and deals with the stock market crash, he loses everything.  George Valentin (Dujardin) goes from a mansion to a one room apartment.  The only constant in his life is his dog, who really steals the show.  There is even a campaign to let Uggie, the dog, get a nomination for Best Supporting Actor.

            Team Uggie for the win!

            I have seen silent films before and they did nothing for me.  By using a more modern take on an old idea, the film almost revives the genre.  The only sound you hear is the score which adds to the overall emotion of the film.  While the actors do speak, you don’t hear a single word until the end.  Like any silent movie, everyone is melodramatic and it does get a little cheesy at times.  It’s silly, yes but without dialogue to convey emotions, they have to rely on body language.  And even thought it is sort of funny to watch, the overall movie is very dramatic and gripping.

            There’s one scene I want to touch on.  After dismissing the talkies, George has a strange dream.  He’s in his dressing room when he sets a glass down.  For the first time, we have sound effects.  He picks up the glass several times, setting it down and marvels at the noise it makes.  He does the same thing with a comb.  Then, the dog barks and the phone rings.  The sounds are all new to him, which both fascinates and frightens him.  As things get louder, George tries to speak but finds that he has no voice.  He wakes up, scared that he may have been wrong about sticking to silent films.

            The sound editing is flawless.  The majority of the film only has an orchestral score.  Except for the scene I just mentioned and the very last scene, there is nothing.  In the final minutes of the film, we get the only spoken dialogue.  It’s the only time we hear Dujardin speak and he has a very thick French accent.  As the movie ends, we get to hear all of the commotion going on as a movie is filmed.

            When the credits started rolling, everyone in the theater began applauding.  It was an early show and there was only about ten people, including myself, there but how often do people stand up and cheer for a movie?

            The only downside to seeing a silent movie is that I could hear everything going on in the surrounding theaters.  There was something with explosions next door so that was a bit of a problem for me.  While that did detract from my overall experience, I still found The Artist to be one of the best films of all time.  If it wins any Oscars, which it will, I will be very happy.

            So, I saw two movies that were deserving of Oscars and I stand by my opinions.  Meryl Streep should win for Best Actress while Jean Dujardin has earned Best Actor.  I do believe The Artist should take Best Picture as well.  It’s seriously just a movie that needs to be experienced in order for you to understand just how incredible it is.  As I said earlier, this movie has already made my top films of 2012 list.  It’s going to be very difficult to top this.  The Artist has set the bar so high that I don’t think anything will come close to topping it.  And it’s only January.  I have a whole year of movies ahead and I am having some serious doubts that I will see anything that moves me as much as this one did.

            I’m TheCinemaChick and tonight, I’m going to dream a little dream of you.

Mission Impossible, but accepted

            Hey people who read reviews online, they call me TheCinemaChick!  I went on a bit of a bender last week, going to four movies in five days.  Needless to say, I’ve also been incredibly lazy and not written them.  This review may or may not be awesome, I’m rather tired today after looking after three small children.  How do they have so much energy?  Seriously, someone bottle and sell that.  It’d be more affective than a Rockstar or a Monster energy drink.  Speaking of caffeine, I could really use some…oh look, I do have some.  I love my big red mug.

            So, my second film of last week was Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol.  I’ll admit, I had never seen one of those films before.  They’d just never really interested me that much.  After sitting through this one, I’ll admit, I’m hooked.  I want to see the rest.  Now, according to Butterfly, I can skip the second one because it’s not as good as one and three.  I don’t know if that’s true or not.  Opinions?

            Now, it’s the basic plot of any Mission Impossible.  Ethan Hunt (played by Tom Cruise) breaks out of a Russian prison and has to go on a wild journey to find a woman who stole some nuclear missile codes.  Now, this is only the beginning of the film.  Before the credits have even rolled.  That was enough to get me hooked in.  As if that’s not enough, let’s add Simon Pegg, Paula Patton and Jeremy Renner into the mix.  If that doesn’t get you interested in this movie, nothing will.

            Yes, it’s a hardcore action flick, full of explosions, high tech gadgets and spy stuff and I’d even called it a guy’s movie.  I don’t care.  The problem with some movies is that it has action but hits several low points that tend to lose the watcher’s attention.  While Mission Impossible did have some slow moments, they didn’t make me bored.  In the parts where it was quiet, there were some information given.  It’s crucial to the plot so I was still paying attention.  I was never bored during this movie and for me that’s incredible.  My ADD tends to make me easily distracted so if my interest is lost, it’s gone for quite a while.

            …I like kittens!

            Focus, CinemaChick.  Four reviews need to be written.

            So yes, I loved Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol.  I really don’t care for Tom Cruise.  I know he’s sort of famous for his strange actions but I tend to ignore that.  I’ve had a few insane moments in public before.  There was this one time, Terra and I were salsa dancing in the middle of campus for no reason and with no music.  Then there was another time when I participated in a protest.  Oh and then there was this one time…actually…better not mention that one.  Needless to say if you ask me, “Are the colors still so bright?” I will give you an evil look.

            While I loved the movie and would gladly see it again, I hated the ending.  Once Ethan has saved the world, the movie cuts to a finale scene which to me, felt tacked on and pointless.  The team meets at what I assume was a bar and has a friendly chat.  That’s when Ethan explains to Brandt (Renner) what happened on a previous mission where Ethan’s wife supposedly died.  This was probably bad only for me since I had no knowledge going into this.  I don’t know who Julia is or her significance to the overall story.  I also had no idea who Cobalt was, but the movie did explain that to me as it went along.  

            I would recommend this to anyone who enjoys the Mission Impossible franchise or to anyone who likes action movies.  If you haven’t seen any of the movies beforehand, that’s fine because this one stands alone.  I do plan to see the first three in the near future (which I won’t review.  I don’t write about every movie I watch, such as the ones on TV.  If I did…that’s a lot of reading.).  It also renewed my faith in Tom Cruise.  The last movie I saw him in was “Knight and Day” which I thought was absolutely dreadful.  I will admit I loved him in “Tropical Thunder”.  I didn’t even know it was him until Butterfly told me it was him.

            Yes, this is short, but I am terribly behind on my reviews.  I still have The Artist, Underworld: Awakening and Red Tails to get through, as well as my annual Oscar predictions.

            Busy CinemaChick is busy.

            So there are my brief thoughts on Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol.  I loved it and I think it’s worth checking out while it’s in the theaters.  The big screen makes everything a little more intense and gripping.  It’s just freaking awesome.

            I’m TheCinemaChick and I love puppies.

The pearls are not negotiable.

            Hello to everyone out there on the internet!  I prefer to be called TheCinemaChick and I still love to watch movies.  My birthday has passed, but I still managed to have three celebrations in three days.  The final celebration resulted in seeing a very good, very powerful film, The Iron Lady.  So, Fry and Butterfly joined me for this movie which has already been very successful.  Meryl Streep won a well deserved Golden Globe for her portrayal of Margaret Thatcher.  I’m even saying her performance is Oscar worthy, which is refreshing change from the bland movies I’ve seen this year so far.

            Now, I know very little of British politics.  That reason alone made the movie a little dull for me.  I’m not into politics and history, but this movie isn’t really about either of those.  They are touched on, but not the main focus.  What The Iron Lady is, is a marvelous look at Margaret Thatcher’s life.  It doesn’t mean to glorify her nor does it cast her in a negative light.  Rather, it gives her a very human light.  By that I mean we get a look at her now, as a frail elderly woman who suffers from dementia but left a major impact in the world.  The film is slow, quiet and has very little action, but it’s absolutely brilliant. 

            Ladies and gentleman, this is the first film I have seen in 2012 that I would highly recommend you see.  It’s breathtaking, it makes you laugh and it might just make you shed a tear.  It’s cinematic perfection and this movie is why I do this.  I want to seek out the masterpieces among the mediocre.  Yes, most of us go to the movies in order to seek out some form of escape or to be entertained.  I understand that completely.  I didn’t expect to walk out of this and praise it as much as I am.

            While the movie isn’t a straight biography, it still manages to cover a good chunk of her life.  It shows her humble beginnings and her rise to power.  Sadly, it doesn’t cover much inbetween.  I didn’t get a good sense of who she was outside the public eye.  There is very little about her personal life, other than showing tension between her and her husband, who is played by Jim Broadbent.  You’ve most likely seen this man before, as Professor Horace Slughorn.  He’s brilliant as Dennis, who is either in the flashback or playing a figment of Margaret’s mind.

            What I loved most about this film is that it gave me a realistic view of a person with dementia.  I’ve experienced it in my lifetime, because my grandmother had it and I wasn’t allowed to see her when she hit rock bottom.  After seeing “The Iron Lady”, I have a better idea of what my grandmother went through.  It’s rather heartbreaking to think that there is no cure for this, so when people are diagnosed with dementia, it’s a slow decline into forgetfulness.  

            With that in mind, the movie is emotional.  You learn just how hard she worked and just how much she sacrificed in order to make history.  The movie even opens on a depressing tone.  It’s just Margaret buying milk, but no one knows who she is.  It’s like she was never the Prime Minister.  The next scene is in the kitchen with her and Dennis having breakfast.  This is where we learn Dennis passed away years before but her mental state is so fragile that she truly believes he is still alive.  Towards the end, she finally accepts the truth and kicks him out, which is her admitting to herself that her husband is indeed dead.  When this happened, I got a little teary eyed.  The emotions are so high and intense that I was surprised to realize I was getting swept up.  I didn’t weep like I did with 50/50 or even Harry Potter, but I was still emotional.

            The only downside is that the movie did indeed feel very long.  The lack of action and plot twists make the film seem much longer than it actually is.  I was sucked in relatively fast but that didn’t help.  There were still a few times where I found my mind wandering.  Another thing that bothered me is the constant switching back and forth between present and past.  Sometimes the transitions worked really well, other times I would be watching something from her past with no warning then be back in the present.  I suppose I could interpret that as “this is how a person with dementia might see the world” and be fine with it.  That’s not a bad idea, so let’s go with that

            “The Iron Lady” is a strong Oscar contender.  Meryl Streep is unrecognizable as the elderly Thatcher and her portrayal of the former Prime Minister is nearly flawless.  In fact, Streep has already won a Golden Globe for her performance.  She does deserve a nomination for this movie, but there are some serious contenders out there. My favorite scene is where she is given an image makeover and is told to stop wearing her pearl necklace.  She agrees to everything and in a very serious voice adds, "The pearls are not negotiable."  I laughed, thinking how the necklace does appear throughout the entire movie.

            I think this movie is worth seeing but because it’s slow and a tad bit disorganized (though fully intentional) it is still an incredible film.  It’s just amazing.  I would shoot for a matinee though because it isn’t my absolute favorite movie this year.  To my surprise, I may have actually already seen my number one film of 2012 and it’s only January.  I’ll touch on that one again in…three more blogs.  This is the first of four that I’m working on.  Yes, I am extremely behind right now.  I still have to review “Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol”, “The Artist”, and “Underworld Awakening”.  Guess which one I didn’t like.

            I’m TheCinemaChick and I’m a little bit bummed out today.

SOPA?

            Hey fellow Internet lovers, my name is TheCinemaChick and I’d like to be serious for a little bit.  As many of you may (or may not) know, there’s a possible bill floating around that might cramp my blogging style.  It’s called the Stop Online Piracy Act AKA SOPA.  While it might sound like a pretty cool idea, it’s not.  I’ve been following a few people’s commentary and doing a little research on this and I’ve made my own opinion based on what I know.  I’m putting a huge emphasis on the whole “my opinion” and “my research”.  Feel free to disagree with me if you like.

            I do not support SOPA.

            For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, this thing is designed to crack down on piracy, which you know, isn’t bad.  I don’t know how to describe it without sounding like I’m rambling, so I’ll provide you some reading material so you can read and draw your own ideas.  I’ve got mine, but it’s hard to explain things like this.  So, if you’re interested, check out these links:

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0112/71567.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stop_Online_Piracy_Act

http://gizmodo.com/5877000/what-is-sopa

http://sociable.co/web/facebook-twitter-google-mozilla-join-together-to-against-sopa/

            There’s a good amount of reading material for you.  What worries me the most is that certain sites could be shut down for copyright infringement when they had no intention to do so.  For example, perhaps I am guilty of copyright infringement and am unaware.  There’s a good chance that I am.  If SOPA passes, I could have my blog shut down.

            Could I be wrong about this?  Possibly.

            Do I support SOPA?  Nope.

            Am I willing to take a stand?  Absolutely.

            I am all for free speech.  I think everyone has the right to express their opinion as they wish.  While not all opinions are popular, they are still allowed to have them.  I don’t like the idea that someone else might be able to control my content.  Aren’t I allowed to say what I believe about a movie or even a current event or maybe even make some social commentary?

            SOPA could become something huge and not be a change for the better.

            I have several reviews planned and typed, but they will not be posted until later this week.

            January 18, 2012 is SOPA blackout day. 

            I’ll see you guys on the 19^th.

            I’m TheCinemaChick and I’m a movie critic with a lot to say.

My Top 5 Guilty Pleasures

            Hey guys, you know me as TheCinemaChick and today is my birthday!  And to celebrate, I’ve decided to make a list of my top five guilty pleasures.  There are some films that I will never admit to liking, but secretly enjoy.  This list is probably going to make some people question my sanity or possibly my taste in film.  I assure that I am completely sound of mind albeit mildly insane.  Trust me, everyone in my family is crazy to some degree.

            So, let’s have an awesome birthday celebration and discuss the five movies I’m embarrassed to admit I love.

            5. Matilda

            I love watching this movie.  It’s so cute and lighthearted.  While I’m not a fan of Danny Devito or Rhea Perlman, I appreciate how they portrayed the characters from the novel.  I’m also a fan of Roald Dahl, so seeing a decent adaptation always makes me happy.  What I like most of all is that the story is told from Matilda’s point of view, so everything is seen from the young girl’s mind.  Seeing things from a child’s eyes changes the entire tone of the story.  Granted, I loathe the constant voice over provided by Danny Devito, I still love the movie and when it comes on, I catch it.  Though, I can’t help but wonder what ever happened to Mara Wilson.  She was adorable but hasn’t been seen much at all.

            4. Troy

            This is a horrible retelling of The Iliad.  Seriously, there’s almost nothing accurate about it and the acting is subpar.  Brad Pitt is laughable as Achilles, Orlando Bloom is pathetic as Paris and Peter O’ Toole…let’s not discuss that one.  The mythology is seriously screwed up.  I originally went to see it because I’m a nerd and I enjoy Greek mythology.  You know what the point of the story is?  “Don’t piss off the gods”.  That’s seriously it.

            I’ll admit, I do love it.  As cheesy as it is, I like the battle scenes.  The fight between Achilles and Hector is very well choreographed, though it does have flaws.  The most faithful scene is when Priam goes to Achilles to beg for the body of Hector back.  It was actually used as a study aid in my Latin class when we had a section about The Iliad.  Plus…you know…Brad Pitt looking all buff and bronzed…one of the two times I’ve found him attractive.

            3. Sugar and Spice

            Yeah…you read right.  The 2001 comedy about a pregnant cheerleader plotting to rob a bank is on my guilty pleasure list.  I’m fully aware of how bad it is and that it’s probably one of the worst movies ever, but I still love it.  To me, it’s a comedy that does have a slightly endearing charm to it.  I mean, if one of my friends were in a bad situation and needed my help to get back on her feet, I’d do what I could to help.  Granted, there’s not much I can do now but you get my point.  I like how much effort the cheerleaders put into their insane plot but how incredibly clueless they are about real life.  Plus, I have friends that can relate to each one of the girls.  I do have that one super smart friend, the rebellious one and yes…I even have the overly religious friend.

            I like Sugar and Spice because it’s good when I need a laugh or a movie that won’t require me to think.

            2. Queen of the Damned

            I actually hate this movie for the most part.  A lot of information was left out, making it impossible to follow the plot.  I’ve read the book, which is far superior to the film.  However, I do like seeing how it translated from page to celluloid.  Plus, this is another movie where the experience is better than the actual thing.  You see, I went to the theater and paid to see it, but I ended up seeing it with my friend’s mom because we’re both Anne Rice fans.  I have watched it several times since then and I have found things that I enjoy about it, but overall, it’s a failure.  The soundtrack…one of my favorite albums ever. 

            Fun fact: Jonathan Davis, lead singer of the band KoRn, has a cameo in the film.  He also sang every song in the movie, but did not appear on the album.

1.      New Moon

            Before I get a lot of trolls calling me a liar, let me make my case.  I loathe the Twilight series, make no mistake.  So, why is this movie on my guilty pleasures list?

            Hot, tanned, buff, shirtless guys who also happen to be werewolves.  

            Yeah…eye candy.  Shirtless Taylor Lautner.  Seriously, when he’s got the wig and the long hair and takes his shirt off…oh yeah.  I’ll cheer for that any day.

            Call me shallow.  That’s seriously the only reason I like New Moon..

            Those are my five guilty pleasures, so take them as you will.  I’m sure people are going to question me, knowing that I liked Sugar and Spice, but I don’t care.  Everyone has the one movie they secretly love.  Moulin Rouge is another, as is Chicago.

            Well folks, it’s after one in the morning and I’m fairly tired.  I have no intention to celebrate my birthday nor do my friends.  If you’d like to leave me a gift, please do so in the comments box.  I’d like compliments or feedback or…recommend me to your friends.  I really do enjoy being a film critic and I’d like to gain some more notoriety.  If you’d like, I’ll promote your blog as well.  I’ve done it for Kit Kat and Mumford and knowing them, I’ll do it again in the future.

            I’m TheCinemaChick and it’s my 27^th birthday today.

The Devil Inside? Pass.

            Happy Friday the Thirteenth to you, my lovely reader!  I am known internationally as TheCinemaChick and I love seeing movies.  As you might not know, I have spent the past week in quarantine as I like to call it.  I’ve been sick, but now I’m better, so I celebrated by going to see a movie today.  Normally, Friday the Thirteenth is a very good day for me, but I guess my luck ran out.  The movie I saw today sucked.

            Plus…my birthday is on the fifteenth.  I’m going to be 27.

            I’m old.

            Anyway, to celebrate the end of my sickness and my upcoming birthday, I decided to see The Devil Inside, which was a mistake.  I know, it’s a surprise hit at the box office and people are applauding it for being so scary, but it’s not.  Maybe I’m just desensitized or I’m used to the Hollywood horror film formula…everything labeled horror comes off as a joke to me.  This one was no exception.

            I can see how the concept of demonic possession would scare people or even seeing how creepy an exorcism might be.  Beyond that, there’s nothing in this film to scare people.  It was predictable, choppy and a complete ripoff.  Basically, if you’ve seen “Blair Witch Project” or any of the “Paranormal Activity” films, you’ve already seen this one.  It’s not new, it’s not exciting…it’s not even interesting.

            For most of the movie, I was yawning or on the verge of sleep.  The parts meant to cause a fright were completely ineffective.  In total, there were four exorcisms, one of which took place off screen, before the film had even begun.  Then it goes into a very long, very boring documentary.  It focuses heavily on Isabella, who is very wooden.  Good thing this is supposed to be another “found footage” film because that’s the only way she can act.  Everything about her came off as faked or forced.

            Then there’s Maria Rossi, the whole reason this thing got started.  She’s barely in the movie.  I know, she’s all over the posters and commercials, but she’s such a minor character in the overall plot that she’s forgotten.  Instead, the demon apparently seems to be able to jump around, landing in several other people.

            I know, I normally avoid spoilers but honestly, I’m trying to talk everyone out of seeing this movie.  It’s a waste of money and time.

            I mean, I spent four dollars on this and I feel cheated.  I went in expecting a frightening demonic possession movie but got something less entertaining than Blair Witch.  I would much rather sit through all the Paranormal Activitiy movies followed by The Blair Witch Project than see The Devil Inside again.  It’s that bad.

            Like I said, it’s an overdone, predictable fake documentary that shouldn’t have happened.  It cost a million dollars to make but it seriously looks much cheaper.  It could have been a bad student film.  Seriously, I could probably go down to Austin, Texas, find some screenwriter and amateur actors and produce something similar for a lot less.  I could probably make a scarier film than this.  At least my version would have better acting.

            And then the ending…oh man…better get yourself a drink and a snack for this one.  I could go on a major rant here.

            The ending was like giving the entire audience the middle finger and laughing at us for paying to see this.  First off, they build tension by having Isabella possessed by  a demon and get her in a car.  The camera man, Michael, is driving when she attacks him and tries to strangle him.  Immediately, he is now that carrier for the demon.  WHAT THE HELL????  Demons are like the cold?  You touch someone and it passes on like a germ?  Did they run out of money at this point and throw together something that seemed halfway plausible?  Seriously, this is so ridiculous that it deserves my anger towards it.

            So, now that Michael, who has also barely appeared in front of the camera, is possessed, he decides that he’s going to do the worst possible thing he can do.  He drives the car into oncoming traffic.  Since someone planted three cameras in the car, we get to experience the wreck.  Not that it really matters since all you get is black screen, fuzzy picture, black screen, fuzzy picture, screaming, black screen.  It’s so choppy and frenzied that I stopped caring.  I would have gotten up and left, but I paid for this.  I’m not about to completely waste my money.

            First of all, why would you put the possessed girl in the car?  She’s going all contortionist, having seizures and violent outbursts…let’s put her in a tiny vehicle!  That was quite possibly the moment I honestly believed they all deserved to die.  They’d already exposed another priest to the demon and caused him to commit suicide.  Then again, the most disturbing scene in this movie was when David, the American priest, is starting to show signs of possession.  He is due to perform a baptism.  You can probably see where this is heading.  Well, Michael the camera guy goes with him (conveniently) to record this.  David baptizes the baby and beings the Immersion baptism, which is where you carefully dip the child in holy water.  Well…he tries to drown the child.

            So, after this horrific and unseen car crash, there’s a typed epilogue, stating that the case is still open and gives a website to visit for more information.  Well, as your friendly neighborhood movie girl, I did go to that website, as well as a few others to do some research.  While The Devil Inside claims to be based off a true story, it is loosely based off a murder case.  Maria Rossi is indeed a real person who did in fact commit murder, but that’s about all the truth there is to the story.  The website given in the movie, www.therossifiles.com, is not about the case.  It’s more of a publicitiy stunt, in this critic’s opinion.  It features clips from the movie, as well as photographs. 

            I cannot believe people found this scary.  It just became so predicable about halfway in that I pretty much knew what would happen.  Then, there are scenes stuck in there that make absolutely no sense whatsoever.  Like, there’s a scene where Isabella freaks out about her keys missing.  There’s another one of her admitting something about Michaels’’ mother cheating on his father.  What does this have to do with the plot?  Why is this mentioned?  Why are none of the questions answered?  Like, why do they keep mentioning to Ben, the British priest, “I know what you did.”  What did Ben do?  Did he kill his uncle? 

            Normally, when I leave a horror film, certain things stick in my mind and make me think for hours on end.  After leaving The Devil Inside, I wanted to take a nap.  I was sleepy.  I went to the bank and thought, “I know what would be scarier than that film.”  You know what I would be more frightened of?

            Clowns

            Hobo with a shotgun

            Bridges

            Parking garages

            Justin Bieber’s unexplainable success

            Lindsay Lohan’s Playboy spread

            Paris Hilton somehow staying famous

            Hobo clowns with shotguns on a bridge

           

            I’m sorry this review has to be so angry and hate filled, but I want you to save your money and skip this cinematic abomination.  Go see Beauty and the Beast in 3D.  Go see something with Nicolas Cage in it.  Spend time with your loved ones.  Buy a puppy.  Watch an episode of Law and Order.  Do something other than see The Devil Inside.  If you want to see a freaky video about demonic possession, look on YouTube.  There’s some freaky stuff on there.

            Seriously, skip The Devil Inside.  I cannot stress that enough.  I wasted my money on it, but you shouldn’t.

            I’m TheCinemaChick and I’m sorry for this way too long rant, but it had to be done.

            Don’t see The Devil Inside.  It’s bad…really, REALLY bad.